The Haphazard Ruse
by KirbeeDesirae
Summary: What if your life was perfect? But what happens when your wife disappears, taking away everything good in your world? You have to start over, to try to find new happiness. And then she comes home, making you dare to dream you can find the perfection again
1. Chapter One

Summary: Two and a half years ago, James Potter's life ended when his wife was captured and declared dead. After intense mourning, his friends forced him to move past it, and resumed living without Lily. But an anonymous tip that brings Lily home sends his life into a tailspin once again.  


Disclaimer: I own Penelope but that's pretty much it. I'll let you know on the rest. So, until further notice, JK Rowling owns pretty much everything in this fanfic except the plot, which isn't entirely mine either(see dedication). Please don't press charges, I have to pay $400 bi-annually for car-insurance, I can't afford anything big.  
  


Dedication: The idea for this fanfic is from the case of Lt. Commander Michael Scott Speicher, a United States naval pilot, who has been missing since January 16, 1991. His status has been changed from Killed in Action to Missing in Action. This by no means is a representation of his life, only of a presumed dead soldier. This is for all the soldiers who haven't made it home yet. 

Author's Note: I've rewritten chapters one through four, just to change the tone a little bit. 

**_Part One-The Break of Dawn_**

_I have felt darkness lead me by the hand over the hill to greet the singing dawn._

**_January 1979_******

When James Potter heard the pounding at his door at three in the morning, he expected many things. The wizard wouldn't have been surprised if one of his friends wanted a late night visit, his wife had a medical call, or even if Lord Voldemort, the most evil wizard in the century at his door. However, nothing had prepared him for the visitor with the message, one he had dreamed of during a long year, then began to dread.

His wife usually answered the late night visits, since as a mediwitch she often got calls at all times of the day and night. When she returned upstairs, she wasn't rushing, but she looked distinctly ill. Penelope quietly shook him into consciousness and whispered in his ear, "Someone to see you."

"Who?" James asked groggily, wanting only to return to his pleasant dreams of a red-haired woman swinging in a park, but reached for his glasses. 

"The head of the Department of Mysteries."

His eyes flew open, and he bolted out of bed, ignoring the fact he was only half clothed. James skipped the stairs three at a time, then remembered what exactly could happen when he met his visitor. This one visit would change his life; because either way, the news would damn him, and he didn't know what he wanted the verdict to be.

"Mister Potter," a tall, dapper man announced gravely, but of course, this was unnecessary. Harold Croaker had been working on Lily's case from the very hour they lost track of her. James's father had hired him to search, being the best of the best. "I am Harold Croaker, head of the Department of Mysteries. I have been working on the case of Lieutenant Colonel Lily Potter, your…wife." Croaker had faltered at the word wife. "We have discovered…Lieutenant Colonel Potter's location." This was an uncomfortable situation indeed, having two Mrs. Potters

James started shaking uncontrollably, and he sat down before he fell down. 

"We are about ninety percent certain she is still alive, and we are planning a search and rescue operation. We at the Department are looking forward to bringing our most treasured of Hit Witches home again."

James had broken out in an all-over sweat, and his ears were ringing, and his vision was blurred, either by tears or sheer stress and panic, he didn't know.

"Had it been my choice, I wouldn't have notified you, but it is Department regulations." Croakers looked down his nose at James, letting him know exactly what was thought of him by the Department in particular. 

"W-When?" James asked, forcing himself to look up. 

"The operation is going on as we speak."

"How long will it take?"

"A few hours if things go well. A few days if it doesn't. You are allowed to join us at St. Mungo's to await her, if it is your wish."

"No."

"Very well then."

"No, I mean don't take her to St. Mungo's. Lord Hubert's is far superior."

Croaker held the faintest of smiles on his face. "I agree with your decision. I shall make the arrangements. Will you be joining us?"

"I-I don't know yet. Can I think on it and meet you there?"

"Give your name." Again he turned cold and disapproving, and glanced briefly and Penelope. "Good evening…Mrs. Potter."

"He was one of Lily's friends, wasn't he?" Penelope asked after the friend in question left. She had come up to James with two cups of coffee, one of which she handed off to him. Penelope put a hand on his shoulder, and leaned near him. 

"I'm sorry." James said quietly, "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. And of course, you have to visit her. It would look poorly if you didn't. 

"I know…I need…I need to get ready." He slowly pulled himself from the couch and dragged down the hallways of their one-floor house to the bathroom, where he tried to let the stingingly hot water help him forget everything. He just wanted to forget, that was all, it wasn't like he wanted a million galleons, or a new broom, or anything material. He just wanted to have Alzheimer's Disease at age twenty four. James needed to forget. He needed to forget his life with Lily. He had Penelope now. Or did he? There had to be legal ramifications for the return of a supposedly dead wife. "Oh my bloody hell! I'm a bigamist!" James hit his head against the side of the shower, wondering if he could purposely bring on a case of amnesia. After Penelope askedthrough the door if he was okay, he resorted to putting shampoo in his eyes. "I am _great_. I wait and wait and wait for those duffers at the Ministry to find my missing wife, they tell me she's dead, I remarry, and now she's suddenly alive!" James threw a bar of soap at the bathroom wall, enraged at life in particular, and nearly fell as he stepped out of the shower.

"James, dear, are you, uh, trying to kill yourself?" Penelope called from the door, which began to open before James launched himself at it in order to keep it closed. 

"Fine, fine, just cut myself."

"Maybe I should look at it."

  
"No, no, no, I can handle it, don't worry about me. I would like to be alone for a few minutes if you don't mind."

"I'll make a pot of coffee."

"That would be just hunky dory." James told her, and started beating his razor against the sink, because of course, this was _all_ his razor's fault. He kept muttering to himself as he shaved, which apparently Penelope could hear.

"You're going to cut yourself."

"Maybe I'll slit my throat." He murmured, then said louder, "Penny, dear, don't worry, I was just commenting that I need a hair cut."

"Just admit that you're rattled, and get to the casualty." Penny walked in and started buttoning his shirt to speed him up. "You're obviously very concerned, so just get it over with, you silly goose." 

"Please don't call me a silly goose, I hate that."

"I know."

"Are you going with me?"

"Your decision."

"I'm not deciding. You decide."

"Then you'll go alone."

"No. I don't want to go alone."

"Then I'll go with you."

"Fine."

"Just _get dressed_."

"Yes, Penelope." 

James, in time, managed to get dressed in matching clothes, his nerves affecting his color vision. So, by the time he actually got ready to leave, the fifteen minute process had taken up an hour, and he felt distinctly ill.


	2. Chapter Two

Summary: Two and a half years ago, James Potter's life ended when his wife was captured and declared dead. After intense mourning, his friends forced him to move past it, and resumed living without Lily. But an anonymous tip that brings Lily home sends his life into a tailspin once again.

Disclaimer: I own Penelope but that's pretty much it. I'll let you know on the rest. So, until further notice, JK Rowling owns pretty much everything in this fanfic except the plot, which isn't entirely mine either(see dedication). 

Dedication: The idea for this fanfic is from the case of Lt. Commander Michael Scott Speicher, a United States naval pilot, who has been missing since January 16, 1991. His status has been changed from Killed in Action to Missing in Action. This by no means is a representation of his life, only of a presumed dead soldier. _This is for all the soldiers who haven't made it home yet._

Author's Note: Revised 5 May 2003

*~*~*

**_The Haphazard _****_Ruse_****__**

**__**

Once settled in a waiting room, James went through periods that felt like hyperventilation. When he started gasping, he received odd stares, and took a trip to the little wizard's room to dunk his face in a sink, receiving more odd stairs when he returned.

"Did you, er, fall in?" Penelope asked, looking torn between tears and laughter.

"I wish." James answered sourly, plopping into his seat once again. 

"Maybe you should-"

"I strongly discourage any medical suggestions at the moment, Penny.  In case you don't remember, I'm a fully qualified physician myself."

"Alright. I think you need some alone time. I'll go check my charts."

"You do that." He snapped, and regretted it, but refused to apologize, because _that_ would be utterly against his character:  James Potter did _not_ apologize. He continued talking to himself for a little bit, until someone told him to shut up, and then took to mentally berating life. After all, why did it have to be so bloody confusing? He had finally moved on, and started a new life, as far away from all memories of Lily as possible(he had even considered marrying a good Muggle girl), and _now_ they had finally found her. Of course, he _wanted_ her to be alive, but then again, he didn't _want_ her to be alive, as confusing as that was. 

_He loved Lily._

_He loved Penelope._

_He was married to Lily_

_He was married Penelope._

_Lily had-_

"James? Buddy? You there?" Sirius Black, his best friend, cohort in crime, conspirator in all things, was standing in front of him, looking worried.

"Hi, Sirius, what brings you to this waiting room from Hell?" James stood, surprised, when he saw Sirius wearing a night camouflage suit worn by Aurors and Hit Witches and Wizards, one of the same variety as Lily had left the house in the day she never returned. Until now, Sirius had never let James see any of them again.

"Lily brought me. I was on her rescue squad." He cracked into a huge grin, "We brought her home." Sirius briefly hugged James, who sighed in relief, and looked highly troubled. "I know this is hard for you. But look at it this way, even if you don't want her to have life with you, at least she has life again."

"Yeah…life again." James repeated, closing his eyes and trying to imagine what she looked like. He was scared to note he didn't know for sure anymore. When he had married Penelope, he had obligingly boxed the majority of her pictures, as had his friends, but he would still unexpectedly run across one now an then in the most unlikely of places. He always thirstily drank in her image, before packing it way, knowing he had to get past her. James had always had a clear and sharp mental image of her, but now he couldn't quite remember the shape of her eyebrows, or the tilt of her eyes.  He was very aware, though, of when he hadn't wanted Lily to have life _without_ him.  James still had that small box full of the last few of her personal possessions.

"She's a real trooper, not many women could live through almost three years of Voldemort's captivity." Sirius had swung an arm around James's shoulders and started leading him, which James didn't immediately notice.  At a certain point, the human mind looses much of it's awareness and ability for comprehension, and it works only on maintaining itself and the body to which it belongs.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To see her. And you are going to pretend you still love her every bit as much as you did the day she was taken. You will NOT mention Penelope. And you will act like everything is just brilliant. If you don't, I will personally beat the crap out of you, even though you are my good friend. This is because Lily is also a good friend, only she has been an evil wizard's prisoner for the past two years and eight months, and she expects to have a loving husband waiting for her."

James was too pensive to point out Sirius has been one of the people to push him into a new existence, so continued to be led until an actual thought process occurred. "Shouldn't she be treated right now for wounds or something?"

"Well, that's the weird thing about this whole incident." Sirius opened a door in explanation, revealing a thin figure sitting on a bed, her back to them. 

James was very confused when he saw a figure clad in an emerald silk kimono with endless waves of red cascading down her back to pool on the mattress, and if the dorsal view gave any indication, this lady was a healthy one. "Did you get the wrong room?"

"Nope.  This would be your wife."

The woman turned at the voices, and the two were met with one of the most stunning sights. They were looking now at an honestly beautiful woman, but not beautiful in the normal sense. The perfection and coordination of pieces that make some people gorgeous weren't what gave her beauty. Instead, she looked like an animal that had been dealt some injustice that it could never forget, and lived in quiet sadness. She had the look of a woman who had been pampered often and much. Her skin was paler than either of them had remembered it to be, her eyes were larger than before. And now, there was a small, coiled snake drawn near her right eye. And, most notably, Lily looked sad.

She didn't speak when she saw them, and didn't show recognition other than allowing her gaze to rest slightly longer than James. She faced the window for a very long time, before she turned around again to see them standing there, upon which she held out her arms, as if to have sticks of firewood placed in them. Sirius nodded, and motioned for James to follow him out. 

James now felt an even greater turmoil now. He didn't guess much what had happened to her, his imagination went straight to one thought and stayed there. "Can you fix her?"

"I don't know. I figured she would recognize you." Sirius stopped at a desk, said something to the woman there, then waited. "She loved you, James, I thought if anything could survive what she did, her memory of you could."

"Here, Sirius. You know the rules, don't leave her alone." The lady had returned with a pile of blankets. As they walked down the corridor again, James saw there was really a toddler in those blankets. 

"Who is that?"

"We don't know, but she calls Lily Mummy."

"_What_?"

"Yep. We're not limiting access to her, this kid is the only person Lily has said a word to."

"Christ, that's…" James trailed off, not really having an accurate description.

They entered Lily's room again, and Sirius placed the sleeping child in her arms. She glided around the room for a bit, singing softly. "_Sonno__, sonno, il mio angelo piccolo. Nel sonno, siete sicuri. Sonno, sonno, il mio angelo piccolo. Nel sonno, siete liberi. Sonno, sonno, il mio angelo piccolo. Nel sonno, vivete. Sonno, sonno, il mio angelo piccolo. Nel sonno, non ci è timore. Sonno, sonno, il mio angelo perso piccolo_."

"That sounds familiar." James said, pondering the thought.

"I thought the same." They continued to watch her, entirely spellbound with the foreign image. The child awoke eventually, and murmured a tired, "Mummmmmy?"

"Yes, precious, I'm here." Lily twirled with the dark-haired girl some more.

"Where are we?"

"We're safe now. You don't have to be scared anymore. We're home?"

"This is your home?"

"No, no I don't. But I expect we'll get to leave here soon enough, and then we'll find a home, just the two of us."

"And I can have a kitten? You promised a long time ago I could have a kitten if we ever got loose."

"Yes, Celeste, you can have a kitten." Lily opened her nightstand drawer and removed and elegant brush which she used on the girl' straight black hair. 

"She isn't even planning on going home with me." James said, looking very shocked.

"Blow to the ego, eh? At least things ought to be more convenient in the Penelope area, right?"

"I don't know. I just don't know. My life is nuts right now, and I need to owl in for work today, I'm obviously not going. This is just too insane. Do you know where I can get some coffee around here?"

"Down the hall, turn right, then turn left."

"Thanks." James left the room, thinking so many things at once none of this thoughts were comprehensible.

_Lily is home…She is alive…She has a child…She doesn't know me…She doesn't talk…She looks great…She has a tattoo…She lived with Voldemort for over two years…She has a child…I still love her…Oh…My…God…I…Am…In…Trouble! _He sunk even further in trouble when he spotted Penelope at the coffee machine, filling her hospital mug. 

"Did you see her?"

"Uh huh." James nodded.

"And? I heard some crazy stuff. Is it true she has a little girl now?"

"Uh huh. She looks really good." In all honesty, she did look really good, other than the whole tattoo thing and the apparent depression.

"Annie said she has a snake on her face, but she doesn't have a Death Eater's brand."

"I wouldn't know about that. She's different, not like she used to be.  Lily was always so happy about everything, but she looked so sad."

Penelope hugged James. "She was You-Know-Who's victim for nearly three years, James. Of course she is different, anybody would be. It would be weird if she wasn't."

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I am."

Maybe Penelope should be explained. She was a rather brilliant doctor, a children's doctor to be more exact. She, too, was a witch, but unlike Lily and James, she had attended Beauxbatons in France. Penelope was slight in stature, and her blonde hair hinted slightly of possible Veela blood, though no one knew for sure. She and James had met when James walked in front of a car in Muggle London, and she being a doctor, did what she could for him. 

It had been the last time James went to Muggle London, and it was the beginning of his new life without Lily Evans-Potter. 

Author's note: The song Lily sang is in Italian, the words are _Sleep, sleep, my little angel. In sleep, you are safe. Sleep, sleep, my little angel. In sleep, you are free. Sleep, sleep, my little angel. In sleep, you live. Sleep, sleep, my little angel. In sleep, there is no fear. Sleep, sleep, my little lost angel. _Sorry if the translation isn't entirely correct, I don't speak Italian, if anyone does, I would love it if you would tell me the accurate translation. And this was supposed to be in the back seat, but I really like the idea, so I'm working on it quite a bit. Thanks to all my reviewers, I really appreciate your comments. And since I love it when other author's list their reviewers and I get to see my name, I'll also list my reviewers: **Scarlett*****eyes, jain62088, dolphingurl, torifire126, everblue3, Hanna-chan, LaughOutLoud, reader, princesslucy91, Rainfire, Dark Fire, Eleanor, The Elfin Child, NattyNatterz, One Bright Star, and ljpottafreak**


	3. Chapter Three

Summary: Two and a half years ago, James Potter's life ended when his wife was captured and declared dead. After intense mourning, his friends forced him to move past it, and resumed living without Lily. But an anonymous tip that brings Lily home sends his life into a tailspin once again.

Disclaimer: I own Penelope and St. Hubert's but that's pretty much it. I'll let you know on the rest. So, until further notice, JK Rowling owns pretty much everything in this fanfic except the plot, which isn't entirely mine either(see dedication). 

Dedication: The idea for this fanfic is from the case of Lt. Commander Michael Scott Speicher, a United States naval pilot, who has been missing since January 16, 1991. His status has been changed from Killed in Action to Missing in Action. This by no means is a representation of his life, only of a presumed dead soldier. _This is for all the soldiers who haven't made it home yet._

Author's Note:  Revised 5 May 5, 2003

**The Haphazard ****Ruse**

****

****

By the time the sun peaked in the sky that day, the hospital was a swarm of reporters for various magical newspapers, hoping from comments from doctors, Aurors, Lily's former colleagues, or even Lily herself. James was consistently pestered for comments, as was Penelope. Penelope wisely declined a comment, as she would be made to be the villain, and James merely said that he 'was very glad that Lily was home again.' The doctors reported her physical condition was 'stable, but her emotional condition was 'as good as could be expected'. 

The most they got out of Lily herself was some rather interesting photographs, and that was entirely by chance. 

In the early afternoon, the milling crowd in the waiting room was interrupted by a small child darting in and out between adult legs, giggling madly. Soon after her, came an adult in pursuit, talking loudly but still sounding calm. "Celestina Marlene! This is not an appropriate place to be playing!"

"But Mummy, we are loose!"

"Our freedom will do you very little good if you are squashed."

James, seeing no help for it, nabbed the little girl as she ran past him. Celeste giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Mummy, he won't squash me. Will you?"

"No I don't suppose I will." James was very aware of the silence screaming in the room, and the eyes of everyone on him and Celeste, and Lily battling her way through the heavy crowd. She drew up in front of the two and promptly reclaimed the girl. James looked at her, and for the first time, got a really good look at the woman who had returned.  He had wondered before what Lily would have looked like if she wasn't always smiling, and now he knew. 

"What have I told you about strangers?" Lily had never even glanced at James, and now she had turned away from him and started walking away from the crowd just as the hospital attendants finally got up.

"Never, ever, go to strangers. Because….they can hurt us. And I should 'specially never go to man strangers, they are _very, very _bad.

"Then why did you do it, Celeste?"

"Because he looked like a nice man. Remember that one nice man who brought us-?"

"Yes, I remember, Celeste." Lily glared royally at a large orderly who was trying to lead her back to her room.

Celeste, seeing the glare said, "Leave my mummy alone! She'll put things in your food to make you sick."

Lily smiled, and the entire room murmured. "You shouldn't tell my secrets. That _was_ a secret."

"I'm sorry, Mummy. I've been a bad girl today."

"No, you're just excited. I'm excited too."

"But you aren't being a bad girl."

"I'm just slightly better at containing my excitement."

"Mummy? When can I get a kitten?"

Lily faltered at the abrupt change in subject. "I suppose when we have someplace to live. You'll have to be thinking about what sort of kitten you want."

"But, I-I-I don't know what kittens look like."

There was a gasp from the crowd, and reporters immediately snapped to life, as if they had been awakened from a dormant state. "Mrs. Potter! Where were you held captive?" "Mrs. Potter, who was there with you and the child?" "Mrs. Potter, were you harmed in any way?" "Mrs. Potter! Whose child is that?"

"Please, no questions!" The same bulky orderly yelled, guarding the two from view. "She is not ready for questioning." After Lily and Celeste were ushered out of sight, the crowd turned on James, who was standing there with a haunted look in his eyes. 

"Mr. Potter! Is that your daughter? What are your intentions for Lily?"

James, having dealt with press, either sneaky or open, all his life, knew the appropriate comment. "I don't have a public comment at this time." He speedily exited the room, and located Penelope at the doctor's lounge area, where he easily made himself at home.

"Press?"

"Millions of them. I don't suppose you would like to go out there with me next time?"

"Hell no."

James inwardly winced. "So, do you have any inside information?"

"Here." Penelope dumped a thick folder in his lap. "As legal next of kin, you're allowed to see it. Besides that, you're still the person who's signed on her forms as allowed to make medical decisions."

"Hmmm." James opened the heavy stack of papers, and started glancing through…_no open wounds….few scars…only three signs of physical abuse…apparent miscarriage…high levels of vitamins found, except vitamin D…allowed relative freedom within confinements…severe emotional abuse indicated. _He closed the folders, deciding he would be better off not knowing the gory details of his wife's captivity. "Penelope?"

"What, James?"

"She was pregnant when she was taken. Do you know what happened to the baby?"

"No, we don't know. She's had a miscarriage at some time, but it's inconclusive as to the time period. We don't know Celeste's exact age either. She looks somewhere between two and three, but as you know, that leaves much room for fathers. Lily's the only person who could tell us, and as you know she's not talking. I've heard that You-Know-Who has black hair like you do, so that doesn't tell us much. The child is very smart."

"I've noticed. She seems to love Lily very much."

"I'm sure any child would love the only adult that wouldn't beat the living hell out of them. Anyway, she shows advanced thought processes. It appears our Celestina Marlene is mildly precocious."

"What's her medical status?"

"She's in better shape than Lily is, apparently."

"That's to be expected. Do you honestly believe Lily would let anybody hurt a child while she was still comprehensive?"

"I don't know, you'll have to tell me." Penelope replied evenly.

James rolled his eyes, trying to avoid the melancholy he could feel coming back. It was like a dog that didn't know how to let go, and he had to constantly sprint to fend it off. . Action was necessary. "I'm going to go visit Sirius. I need to talk to him."

"He's probably sleeping."

"Then I'll have to wake him up.  He's done it to me on more than one occasion." James returned promptly, and got out of the hospital as soon as possible. He went to Sirius Black's small house, and was surprised to find his friend awake. "You're awake?"

"I knew it would only be a matter of time until you came. Come in and have some coffee. Scratch that, I think you need something a little stronger. Ogden's?"

"Put a little in my coffee."

"Yech. No wonder you're so twisted." Sirius smiled and let James in, both of them looking disreputable. James and Sirius both had messy dark hair, James's due to genetics, Sirius's to the lack of a comb that day. "So where do you want to start, good buddy?"

"Can we skip right to the part where you tell me what to do?"

"Not on this one. I'm very sorry that I pushed you to forget her."

"That makes two of us." James took a drink of the coffee/whiskey and put his forehead on the table. "I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. Either way, I'll feel like an intolerable arse."

"Just do what feels right for you."

"If you can't give me some good advice, I'd prefer you keep your mouth shut."

"Relax."

"How can I relax? _Lily isn't dead_! Granted, I don't want her to be dead, but I sure do wish you people could have found her two years ago! For the love of God, Sirius! I got married again! What am I supposed to do? _What am I supposed to do_?"

"Remus and Peter are better at making these sort of decisions than I am."

"But I like you more than I like them."

"Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons of Lily and Penelope and use that." 

"I'm not buying a dog."

James and Sirius bickered back and forth for the rest of the afternoon, James not coming to a decision even though Sirius did. 

James wasn't the only Marauder with a soft spot for Lily.

Since he didn't come up with an answer he liked, James talked Sirius into one of the more irresponsible things they could have done: take a trip down to The Leaky Cauldron for some not-so-light drinking.

*~*~*

Author's Note. Next chapter will have James and Sirius at the bar, and you'll find out more about James, since we don't know a whole lot about any of them yet. That will be remedied as this goes along, and be mostly in what you gather from their actions and words. I realize the chapters are short, but I'd rather write short chapters frequently than long ones every once in awhile. Thanks for all the reviews, I loved reading them, and some were very helpful, I hope I'll be addressing your concerns ASAP: **Strawberry Gashes_, Christa_****, The Elfin Child_, Erriy_****, ljpottafreak, _Strawberry Gashes(again),** KeeperOfTheMoon**_, princesslucy91_**, Nicole Christine Potter**_, pumpkinpiebaby__****, Julie, _Muah-Baby-Muah_****, LaughOutLoud, _Eleanor_****, NattyNatterz, _unicornjewel__,** mooncancer, **_Kellie__****, Nicole, _cpssoccergurl_****, Kait, _dolphingurl_**, DownwiththeDursleys, **_selloutsociety__,** torifire126, **_everblue3,__**** JazzyNStu_, RBFfreak_****, Julie Anna, _One Bright Star**, Bobby Jo, **_Rainfire__****.**


	4. Chapter Four

"James, Pal of Mine, you know I like a good drink as much as the next guy, but I don't think this is a good time for you to be getting pissed off your feet. No, not good at all." Sirius waved away the bar keeper, a surly looking witch named Grenna, who seldom tolerated talkers who weren't also drinkers in her bar. But, she wanted to hear James talk, drink or no, considering he was England's big story at the moment, and of course, she wanted some good gossip.

"Why not? What's it going to hurt?"

"You'll make one of your wives mad at you. I know you have a fall-back, but still, you-" Sirius trailed off at James's dark scowl. 

"You do realize this is _not_ a good situation to be making me mad in. My _life_ if falling apart at the seams. I am in ruins. Granted, my life wasn't ever a bed of roses, but it sure as hell was a step up from a thorn bush at all times. Don't you get it? I love-ummmp!"

"I think it's time we leave." Sirius made the command decision and nearly scared James out of his wits by hauling him abruptly from his creaky chair. He tossed a couple sickles on the table and pushed James out of the pub and into Muggle London.

"Oh no! I don't want to be here! Not at all! I got here by a _car here! They're bad news anyway, but especially here."_

"James, calm down, I won't let you get hit by a car. I know what sort of trouble that gets you into. Frankly, you'll be beyond the point of no return if you get another wife."

James rolled his eyes. "I am seriously thinking about drowning you in that fountain over there if you aren't a little more sympathetic to my dilemma. In case you have forgotten, I am _married to two women_!"

"The whole world knows, genius. If they haven't read the papers, they've heard you repeat it every seven and a half seconds. My suggestion is quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something to remedy the problem. And the problem is the girl that you loved has came back into your life, but you're obligated to someone else."

"You-"

"I can look at this objectively, James. Let's take a stroll." Sirius indicated to a park with a few lights and a lot of trees.

"Lily says London after dark isn't a good place for wizards like me."

"Did she mean rich or stupid?"

"Bugger off." 

"We are going to talk this out so you can have some sort of order in your life, or at least a game plan. First, we're going to discuss the facts."

"All right."

"Lily was the person that hauled you out of an unhappy pit of a dismal life. Penelope did the same, only that pit was caused by the loss of Lily."

"So we're at a draw."

"This isn't to be used to compare them, neither of us are sober enough for that. Come to think of it, neither of us are sober enough to even be walking around. Let's go home, you can stay at my place, Penny'll pitch a fit if you come in drunk."

"Thanks. You know, Lily was much more tolerable to our habits."

"She was used to it. Penny expects normalness." The two friends laughed drunkenly, but continued their stroll, oblivious to the shouting around them. Had James not been quite so intoxicated, he would have realized that Sirius wasn't as drunk as he was letting on like. "Umm, James? You do realize that Lily isn't going to be the old Lily anymore, right?"

"You act like she's some sort of…mutant now."

"You're a man of science, I'm sure you know what could have happened to a person in her situation, and the effects it would have on them."

"I haven't actually thought about it like that. She-uuuuchhh." Again, James was cut off by physical force, this time not by Sirius. 

"You are under arrest for the violation of three park ordinances." 

"What?!" James and Sirius yelped at the same time, having hand cuffs put on them.

"You also avoided arrest, a violation of this district. We suggest you make no statement without the advice of your solicitor. Once at the station, you receive one telephone call." A second voice, the one over Sirius, said loudly.

*~*~*

"Maybe it's a six instead of an eight." Sirius suggested, and watched as James dialed the number again. 

"That's it!" James said excitedly when he heard Penelope answer the phone. "Oh, hi, sweetheart! Sirius and I got lost in Muggle London. Can you come pick us up? The address is 139 Lexington Street." 

"Is she picking us up?" Sirius asked, and felt relief when James nodded. "So now tell me why you carry Muggle money in your wallet."

"Uhh, habit."

"Lily?"

James nodded again. "I didn't even realize I did it anymore. Sometimes we would randomly go to some Muggle place she knew or thought looked interesting."

Sirius whistled, "You are in some trouble."

"Don't remind me. I don't want to contemplate the Penny/Lily situation anymore. It's killing me."

"I was talking about when Penelope finds out we're in the slammer."

"How was I to know we were breaking park curfew? And it's just plain ignorant you can't be in that particular park while over the supposedly legal limit of blood/alcohol level. No one bloody well cares if a couple of drunks are stumbling around."

"Uh…James…I hate to say it, but it's a children's park. I _can_ see where they're coming from."

"You didn't see it before the constable did, so shut up." James snapped crossly, and sat down on the bench to examine his meager surroundings. They were in the temporary holding cell right now, which was furnished with just three long benches, a bunk bed, a toilet, sink, and excruciatingly bright lights. Not quite the lap of luxury. "Just like I always imagined the waiting room to get into Hell."

"I always pictured it as a straight through type thing. You can't get in Heaven, so it's your only choice…the devil isn't especially choosey from what I gather."

"You aren't helping. I wonder if that clock is right. You know, they-"

"Yes, they took your watch, we know." Sirius indicated to himself and four other men sitting on the benches. "The whole bloody city knows, so cry about it."

"You're right. We have bigger issues. God only knows how long I'll be stuck in this filthy little pit. I'll probably contract some Muggle disease."

"They can't exactly let two drunks wander around, now can they?" Sirius asked, then grinned. "You know, this isn't that bad. I mean, it needs a little sprucing up, but seriously, it could be worse. We do have benches. Why don't you sit down and relax?"

"I am _not _going to sit down and relax., especially on anything in this place. It's nasty in here. I am James Potter, I do _not_ sit on stained benches."

"You did when you went to get the marriage license before you and Lily got married." 

"I was getting married for Christ's sake! Not rotting in a jail cell!"

"Would the two of you dimwit's knock it off before I tear your bleeding tongues out?" A rather scruff and large man said warningly, holding up a huge fist. Sirius jerked back, looking at the Muggle. He made a face at James, then said, "You've done it before, anyway, what's different?"

"It wasn't Muggle. And I wasn't so worried when it was Lily getting us out."

"Yeah…same here."

*~*~*

And, as it turned out, they did have serious cause to be afraid. 

Penelope came gliding into the jail cell, looking disdainful and rather disgusted. 

"Which ones, Ma'am?" The guard who was leading her asked, unlocking the door.

"Those two, officer, unfortunately." James and Sirius had just gotten out of the cell when the rampage began. "What do you two _think_ you were doing? Getting drunk is bad enough, but then getting arrested in a Muggle park is terrible! And what will people think, what with Lily back an all?" Penny rubbed her temples, looking very stressed. 

Sirius looked at James, clearly saying 'You take care of this, she's your wife.'

"Look, we didn't know, okay?"

"You didn't know not to get drunk?"

"If you were me, you would be drinking too." 

Yelling ensued, and large amounts of it. 

*~*~*

The next morning, the wizarding world was in an uproar, for several reasons. 

The first was that an image of a drunken Sirius and James, being led by Penelope with the caption, "If you were me, you would be drinking too" made it on the bottom half of the first page.

However, that first page was shared with the blazing headline, "Lily Evans-Potter released from Lord Hubert's."

"How can they release her?" James shrieked at Sirius, thoroughly disturbed, and waved the rolled up newspaper in the air. He was an overwrought man, running low on sleep, food, patience, sanity, and solutions. "She was held prisoner for two years, they just can't let her out after five hours in the hospital!"

"She's been in there for more than five hours." Sirius said logically, "And she has no physical reason to be in there."

"But, as you have pointed out yourself, there is some mental issues going on right now! She can't just take the kid and go home!"

"She can and she is."

"There are bigger problems for the hospitals than a woman and a kid who are both physically and mentally sane.  Every hospital in England is overcrowded with nutters mauled by You-Know-Who.  There's no medical reason to keep them.  

Author's Note:  I drew a picture for this, and you can find it at, , but it might take awhile to load. If it doesn't load at all, leave a note in your review, and I'll e-mail it to you.

Now to the reviewers, **everblue3, Stefanorkle, Stefanorkle, Kait, Julie Anna, Nicole Christina Potter, Tina, The EmeraldsEye, RBFfreak22, dolphingurl, Heather, WindRider-Damia, Kristin, Eleanor, LaughOutLoud, luvshoes, mooncancer, torifire126, ljpottafreak, Julie, myelfcandyob, The Elfin Child, Kelly, JazzNStu, SerraAngel, Bon, OneBrightStar, NattyNatterz, Clare, Strawberry Gashes, KeeperOfTheMoon, IGoBySancho, Lily, Céline, Rads, Rainfire.** Thanks! Have a cheery day

A special thank you is extended to NattyNatterz for beta-reading my revisions and making suggestions!  It was priceless.


	5. Chapter Five

Summary: Two and a half years ago, James Potter's life ended when his wife was captured and declared dead. After intense mourning, his friends forced him to move past it, and resumed living without Lily. But an anonymous tip that brings Lily home sends his life into a tailspin once again.

Disclaimer: I own Penelope but that's pretty much it. I'll let you know on the rest. So, until further notice, JK Rowling owns pretty much everything in this fanfic except the plot, which isn't entirely mine either(see dedication). _Please_ don't press charges, I have to pay $400 bi-annually for car-insurance, I can't afford anything big.

Dedication: The idea for this fanfic is from the case of Lt. Commander Michael Scott Speicher, a United States naval pilot, who has been missing since January 16, 1991. His status has been changed from Killed in Action to Missing in Action. This by no means is a representation of his life, only of a presumed dead soldier. _This is for all the soldiers who haven't made it home yet._

Author's Note: I've rewritten chapters one through four, just to change the tone a little bit. 

**_The Haphazard _****_Ruse_**

*~*~*

Lily was mentally singing as she and Celeste were being rolled down to the first floor fireplace connected to the Floo Network.  They were at last going to be returned to their home.  

Well, technically, it was home to neither of them, but it would be in a very short while, she was sure.  They were going to be assisted with the Flooing, considering none of the personnel knew if she would speak to the fireplace or not, which Lily thought was a great joke.  Being silent for a few hours could get all manner of things done.  Celeste was sitting in her lap, chattering about nothing in particular to nobody in particular, and Lily listened with one ear.  

This was all one great ruse, not quite as great as her unintentional almost-death, but good nonetheless.  Merely by recognizing nothing and saying nothing, she had missed the impending humiliation of having to face James and his new wife.  She had avoided reporters and having to give a replay of her long confinement, had to answer no questions about Celeste, and she was being taken to a new place to live with no problems.  

In reality, she had given up hope of rescue the day she had been given a copy of The Daily Prophet with "James Potter's New Bride" as the headline.  He was most likely the pushing force in her recovery, and with his lost of interest, she was as good as gone.

But oh how wrong she was.  She had friends in the Ministry, both Aurors and Hit Personnel, and they hadn't stopped the search, even with the new lack of dedication from her husband and the evidence that supported her death.  So, when she was awakened in her sleep to find the face of Sirius Black picking her up, it was a dream come true.  He was always a good guy, she hadn't gave him enough credit in Hogwarts, not at all.  She had pointed for Celeste too, and he had also grabbed up the small child.  

She and Celeste had been taken out of the permanent encampment of Voldemort and had been en-route to St. Mungo's when the Auror's had received a change of orders, and she had been taken to the casualty at Lord Hubert's Hospital for the Weak of Mind or Body.  After a check-up, where she was preoccupied with free and unrestrained movement, she was questioned.  Lily had the deer in the headlights moment, where she froze, and Sirius had said, "It's understandable if you don't feel like answering our questions, we can post-pone this until later."

Lily had smiled, and it wasn't later yet.

James had came into her room and she had pretended not to know him, knowing of course, that he had remarried a few months ago.

And nobody had to know whose daughter Celeste was, the world could do with a reinstatement of the good, old-fashioned mind your business rule.

Lily was hoping for a nice house out in the country, maybe along the north border where she grew up.  She could reacquaint herself with her sister and Vernon, and live a cheery little life with her daughter by her side.  

Well, that was her intent, at least.

Instead, she was Flooed to an flat, which wasn't at all in the country.  The lady who helped her stepped away from the wheel chair, and Flooed back, leaving Lily and Celeste with Harold Croaker, their case worker.  

He nodded at Lily.  "I hope you remember me.  Harold."

Lily nodded.

"Good.  It's equipped with the basics, appliances, enough food for awhile, there are some clothes provided by the Ministry.  Your rent will be paid for two years, eight months, and sixteen days, the amount of time you were gone.  Your utilities will all be paid, and you will receive a weekly stipend of fifty Galleons.  If you need anything, owl me, you will find one with your name in the building's owlery, or Floo me, I still live where I used to.  I will be in to check on you everyday at four thirty if you need anything.  This is an all-magical building, so you don't have to worry about Muggles, and you have some nice neighbors.  You know a few of them."

Lily smiled and watched Celeste buzz around the room, touching everything she could reach.  

"I'll be leaving then.  Have a good day, Lily, I'm very pleased that you're back."  Harold turned to leave, and was ready to step into the fireplace with Lily spoke.  "Thank you, Harold."

"You are very welcome." He smiled broadly and continued with his exit, leaving no awkwardness.  

Lily sighed, and also began exploring her new home.  It was…nice.  By all standards, it was an excellent place to live, but Lily wasn't so thrilled.  It was so different than any place she had every lived before, with her parents or with James.  Both places had been lovely little houses filled with personal things.

This was a very functional flat.  It had white walls, dark green furniture, light green carpet, and green checked linoleum in the kitchen.  There were two bedrooms, a small one and a large one, both with white walls and green carpet, and Lily cringed. She was going through the closets to see what exactly they had in the line of clothing with Celeste came in.  She wrapped her arms around Lily's legs in a hug since she only came to her knees.  "Mummy, I love our new house!"

"I love it if you love it."

"What can we do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"We were always doing things before.  What do we do now?"

"Well, we need to fix up our house a little.  That will take awhile, and we both need some clothes, and Mummy needs to get a new wand, so we'll need to go shopping."

"When?"

Lily thought for a minute, then decided she wouldn't be able to tolerate the clothes in her closet for very long, and knew Celeste felt the same way.  People who thought red heads only wore green needed a swift kick in the lower anatomy.

"Can you wait until tomorrow?"

"_Awww__.__  Mummy!" Celeste sighed, and wrapped around Lily's neck since she was no kneeling.  "Please today!"_

"No, today is too soon, we have things to do here."

"Like what."

"Well, we need to switch the clothes so that yours are in this room, and put your toys in here too.  And then we'll check the flat rules about pets to see about that kitten."

"Yay!  So I get this big room?"

"Yes.  When I was a little girl, I never had enough room for my stuff.  Little girls really need more room than their mummies."

"Yes.  We do." Celeste said solemnly, and nodded her head.  "Can we go find out about those kitties now?"

"We might as well." Lily sighed, she didn't actually want to go back in public, but decided she would have to sometime.  Tomorrow seemed desperately close, but now was even more so.  Oh, the joys of motherhood.  "Brush your hair first."

"Okay." 

One thing Lily had been lucky with was that Celeste's precociousness had allowed them to skip over the helpless toddler stage into the independent one overnight.  After Celeste had been cleaned up, they both went downstairs, not talking to the curious faces they met.  Lily hoisted Celeste onto her hip once they were in the foyer where flat rules and notices were posted on several cork boards.  Celeste could read only a few words, which was very remarkable for her age, and one of those words was 'cat'.

"Mummy?  I don't see anything about cats." Celeste sounded very worried by this, and Lily said reassuringly, "It'll be under 'pet'.  Here we go, it says small pets are allowed."

"Goodie!  Can we go get one now?"

"I think we better wait until tomorrow." 

"But, Mummy, I want a kitty soooo so so so so bad." Celeste gave Lily a kiss on the cheek.  "Please, Mummy?  I love you so much.  I love you as much as kitties."

Lily knew that the saying you were repaid for your own childhood was indeed true.  "Fine."

"Now?"

"Yes, we'll go now."

*~*~*

Sorry for the wait, but I revised the chapters.  Next chapter:  A brief foray into public and they meet the neighbors.  

Thanks for the reviews, I love them.  Some of you are very perceptive:  **Kristen, OriginalProxy, sporadic, Moon Princess, Mistocean, Clare, The Elfin Child, hpandkiki, mooncancer, Stefanorkle, NattyNatterz, Alli, Tina, ljpottafreak, astrid, JazzyNStu, Amelia, Nicole, AznGurl, Céline, Nicole Christine Potter, Vumbu1, Julie Anna, CarmenSandiego, RBFfreak22, Sugarquill, Kelly, Julie, TheEmeraldsEye, TiltDRox, Clare, BluElvr.**

**Torifire126**-no, I don't have my license, just a farmer's permit because….I live on a farm, sadly enough.   Eat beef. 


	6. Chapter Six

Summary: Two and a half years ago, James Potter's life ended when his wife was captured and declared dead. After intense mourning, his friends forced him to move past it, and resumed living without Lily. But an anonymous tip that brings Lily home sends his life into a tailspin once again.

Disclaimer: I own Penelope but that's pretty much it. I'll let you know on the rest. So, until further notice, JK Rowling owns pretty much everything in this fanfic except the plot, which isn't entirely mine either(see dedication). _Please_ don't press charges, I have to pay $400 bi-annually for car-insurance, I can't afford anything big.

Dedication: The idea for this fanfic is from the case of Lt. Commander Michael Scott Speicher, a United States naval pilot, who has been missing since January 16, 1991. His status has been changed from Killed in Action to Missing in Action. This by no means is a representation of his life, only of a presumed dead soldier. _This is for all the soldiers who haven't made it home yet._

 *~*~*

"Mummy?  Are everyone staring at us?" Celeste asked, motioning that she wanted to be carried along the streets of Diagon Alley. 

"Is everyone staring at us?" She corrected without thought.  "Yes, they are.  People will probably stare at us for a very long time until they get used to us again."

"Why?"

"That's just what people do.  We're snoopy."

"I see."

_I just bet you do_, Lily thought.  She tried to ignore the questioning glances of everyone as they continued on their way to Delacour's Dress Robes.  It was robe store that had all variety of garments, despite the name, that was a little of Diagon Alley.  It wasn't as busy as the well-known Madame Malkin's, but the clothing was of the highest quality.  James's mother had introduced her to the store, swearing that no place could get quite the fit Delacour's could.  There was no tinkling sound as they opened the door, signaling it was a high-class establishment.

"Ooooohhhhhhh." Celeste breathed, her little brown eyes opening wider.  "Pretty!"

"You think so?" Lily hugged her tightly, loving her little daughter more than ever.  "So do you want clothes like these, or the ones like you have always had?"

"Thheeeese."  Apparently, Celeste was in permanent awe.  "I _love these clothes."_

"Can I help you?" 

Lily felt a hand on her arm, and she turned to see the shopkeeper herself.  Madame Delacour seldom attended her customers, choosing to hire shop girls to tend to that, and make the clothes on her own.  Lily had to grit her teeth to screw up the nerve to say something.  Almost three years of virtual silence, then one day of complete silence had really upped her hesitation to speak to anyone besides Celeste.  Harold Croaker had been a huge step for her.  However, she was saved by Celeste, the ever-clever toddler.

"Yes!  Me and my mummy need some pretty clothes.  Wait.  Mummy?  Is it okay for me to talk to her?  She is a stranger too, right?"

Madame Delacour was turning her head back and forth, from Lily to Celeste and back again, as if she were watching a tennis match.  

"She _is_ a stranger, but you can talk to her.  Her name is Madame Delacour."

"Okay.  Well, my mummy has a list of stuff we need." Celeste looked expectedly at Lily, who nodded and pulled out a folded sheet of paper, which by the picture of a Quidditch match on it, looked to be from a coloring book.  Lily wordlessly unfolded it and handed it to the seamstress, who looked it over.  

The woman, showing all the professionalism she was known for, gave a nice smile.  "Why don't we just measure the two of you then.  Step right behind that curtain over there, we'll see what size we need to make you."

Lily helped Celeste upon a chair, and they both stood still as two tape-measures attacked them.  

"Do we have any color specifics?"

"Celeste, tell her what colors you like," Lily instructed.

"Yellow and red and blue and green and pink and purple, lots of purple, and turkeyoysie, and rainbow, and…I guess that's it.  No brown.  Or black, no black.  None."

Madame Delacour was grinning at the pronunciation of turquoise.  "Are those colors acceptable?  No black?  Not even for day wear?"

"No black!" Celeste yelled, and Lily nodded agreement.

"Very well, no black.  Shall we say a robe each of yellow, blue, turquoise, green, pink, purple, and red.  Yellow, pink, and purple in pastels.  Coordinating shirts and skirts and trousers.

"What about rainbow?"

Lily felt unnecessary in the process, Celeste apparently knew what she wanted.

"Er, well, let's see…rainbow…?" She look around, looking at a loss, and rather disgusted at having to make one of her creations rainbow.

"One shirt," Lily supplied.  

"Of course.  Now for you, ma'am." Madame Delacour, rather obviously to Lily, left off any sort of name, not sure what to use.

Lily handed her another list with very specific instructions on it, fabric, color, cut, style, lining, thread material, buttons, zippers, and any other possible mishap.  At the bottom was a very visible **_NO GREEN!_**

"I can have these ready by one tomorrow." 

Celeste looked crestfallen by the wait.  

"Do you have anything in her size that we could take right now?" Lily asked, knowing how important it was for Celeste to have some untainted clothes in her possession immediately.

"Just a few things, over here."

Celeste beamed and toddled over to look at the small multi-colored robes and other garments.  She touched them all, and Madame Delacour smiled encouragingly.  "This one."

The shop keeper held up a purple sweater and tan skirt for Lily's approval, which she gave.  "She needs some shoes."

Soon, Celeste was equipped with a pair of toddler sneakers, fully outfitted with purple on them, and Lily paid a rather hefty chunk for all of their purchases.  Next, they returned to the main portion of Diagon Alley to visit Magical Menagerie, next to Gambol and Japes.  This made Lily feel more than a little wistful as she remembered times with the Marauders there, or trying to find a gift for James.

"Mummy?"

"Here we are." Lily snapped back to reality and led Celeste inside the clamoring and noisy store.  Inside, a rather large Niffler was being wrestled into a pen, and apparently more than one owl wanted to be fed.

Celeste made a whimpering sound, and pointed at the ugly Niffler.  "I don't want a kitty!"

"Sweetheart, that isn't a kitty.  We'll find you a kitty.  Why don't you ask that lady over there?"

She nodded, and wiped away a tear, and went over to a woman wearing a checked shirt that said 'I'm wild…I work at Magical Menagerie'.  "D-do you have an-any kittens?"

"Sure we do, sweetheart.  Don't worry about Bugsy over there, he wouldn't hurt a sweet little girl like you." The lady gently guided Celeste over to a section that held cages full of cats of many sizes.  "We have your regular garden-variety cat, then we've got some kneazles.  Some of them are mean little buggers, but if they take a liking to you, than they're great."

"A sneezel?" Celeste asked, her eyes widening again.  

"Kneazel," Lily corrected, examining the cats in question.  "They're very good pets, however not as cute as a cat."

Celeste began looking through all the cages.  "I like him, what's his name?"

Lily winced.  Celeste was looking at the ugliest cat on God's green earth.  "His name is Tiger.  How very original."

"I'll call him Marauder."

"_What_?" Lily hissed, and now her eyes widened.

"You used to talk about Marauder.  Not anymore, but a long time ago." Celeste was obviously in love with Tiger/Marauder.  She was petting the sorry looking beast through the cage, causing her mother to groan.

"Are you sure this is the one you want?  You haven't looked at them all yet."

"No.  I want this one." 

"Alright," she sighed in resignation.  At least it was still small.

*~*~*

"Blessed hell!"

Lily groaned for the tenth time that hour, this time at the person who was apparently her neighbor across the wall.  She heard a thumping of somebody beating the wall, signaling for silence.

She couldn't blame them.  It was midnight, and she was stuck taking care of Celeste's damn cat.  Now she understood why her own parents hadn't allowed her a pet before she went to Hogwarts.  Children were not capable of taking care of their own animals.  Celeste was in the big bedroom sleeping soundly, like only children could, while Lily had been awakened an hour ago by incessant and stentorian meowing from _Marauder.  The cat's name alone was enough to make her throw up, but she was forced to use it.  How could a kid remember something from two years ago anyway?_

Lily wailed in frustration when Marauder jumped onto a cabinet and made a wooden bowl fall off, creating another racket.  

Moments later, there was a thunderous knocking on her front door.  "Listen!  I don't give a bloody damn what the hell you're doing in there, but considering some of the freaks we have nowadays, I wouldn't be surprised.  However, it is midnight, and the rest of us decent people have a job to go to in the morning, so you better damn well shut up!"

Marauder chose to let out a pitiful meow, and sat in front of the door on his haunches, licking his lips. 

"And muzzled the blasted cat!"

Lily paled with the recognition.  

"Mummy?" Celeste asked softly, walking into the room in a little purple nightgown.  "What is going on?"  Then Celeste too paled, but in fear.  "They're going to take us back, aren't they?  Don't let them take us!"

Celeste sat down and started crying, and Marauder walked over to lick her face and meow in accord.

More banging at the door.

"Nobody is going to take you back.  That's just our neighbor, he's mad because Marauder is making so much noise.  Can you two please be quiet?" Lily asked, rubbing her daughter's back and petting the stupid Kneazle.  Finally, there was silence inside, but more knocking on the outside.

"We better let him in, Mummy." Celeste abruptly sprinted to the door and unlocked it, opening it for their neighbor as Lily said, "NO!"

"We have had a quiet building for the past year, and I don't bloody well care you the hell you think…oh Jesus."  Their neighbor walked right in, wearing his night apparel and glowering furiously until he saw Lily holding a squirming Kneazle.

"Mummy!  The man with sad eyes!  He's our neighbor!" Celeste clapped in delight, smiling broadly at all.

Neither of the adults seemed to think this was a good thing.  Not at all.

*~*~*

Well, here we go.  I made my own site, by the way, since the expage one is down permanently.  You can find the link on my bio page.  Thanks for all the great reviews, Julie, Sugarquill, Eleanor, Kristen, ljpottafreak, Kelly, Clare, Erica Skyfire, Céline, Hanna-chan, Stefanorkle, hpankiki, torifire126, Holly, Kait, NattyNatterz, sunshine, Melissa, TheElfinChild, JazzyNStu, Maria, RBFfreak22, AznGurl, raphaella, Melissa, Vumbu1, Mistocean, luv-jinxy, Tina, everblue3, Julie Anna, unicorn jewel, punkchiclosr3076, Laugh Out Loud.  


	7. Chapter Seven

Summary: Two and a half years ago, James Potter's life ended when his wife was captured and declared dead. After intense mourning, his friends forced him to move past it, and resumed living without Lily. But an anonymous tip that brings Lily home sends his life into a tailspin once again.

Disclaimer: I own Penelope but that's pretty much it. I'll let you know on the rest. So, until further notice, JK Rowling owns pretty much everything in this fanfic except the plot, which isn't entirely mine either(see dedication). _Please_ don't press charges, I have to pay $400 bi-annually for car-insurance, I can't afford anything big.

Dedication: The idea for this fanfic is from the case of Lt. Commander Michael Scott Speicher, a United States naval pilot, who has been missing since January 16, 1991. His status has been changed from Killed in Action to Missing in Action. This by no means is a representation of his life, only of a presumed dead soldier. _This is for all the soldiers who haven't made it home yet._

 *~*~*

"Uhhh, sorry.  I didn't know you lived here," James said after an awkward pause.

"Do you want to see my kitty?  He's a Kneazle, actually." Celeste shoved the cat into his arms without giving him a chance to protest.  

"He's, er, nice," he stated, looking around the flat.  "The Ministry put you here?"

"Yes," Celeste supplied happily, deciding she liked this man.  "What's your name?  My kitty's name is Marauder."

James's eyes widened, and he turned to look at Lily, who stared evenly back.  

"Did you forget your name?  Wait!  I bet your mummy told you not to tell your name to strangers.  My name is Celestina, but Mummy calls me Celeste, so you can too.  So we're not strangers anymore because you know my name."

"Right.  My name is James Potter."

"My mummy's name is Lily.  I don't thinks he has a last name like you do.  I don't have a last name either.  Mummy says it's because nobody knows who my daddy is, but I don't know why my mummy has no last name.  I guess she doesn't want one.  I don't want one either.  Why do you want one?"

"Celeste," Lily interrupted, deciding this little festival couldn't continue.  "It's midnight, and you should be asleep.  I should be asleep.  The entire time zone should be asleep." She took the Kneazle from James, and indicated to the door. 

"I better go to bed or Mummy will take away my kitty.  I wouldn't like that at all, Mister James."

"Potter," Lily corrected.

"She can call me James."

Celeste looked between the two adults.  "Do you have any pets Mister?"

"Yes, I do."

"It's time for him to leave, Celeste, stop talking."

"What sort of animal is it?  Do you have a Kneazle?  Because if you had one, my Kneazle could have a Kneazle friend.  It's not fun not having friends.  I know."

"I actually have a bird."

"Neat!  Can I see it some time?'

"_Celeste_!"

"Sorry, Mummy.  I'll go to bed.  Marauder can sleep in my bed, can't he?"

"Not tonight."  Lily opened the door, and the second James stepped through it, she slammed it closed.  "Celeste, I don't want you to talk to him anymore."

"But why?"

"Because I said so." Lily winced as she said it.  God, she was getting old.  

*~*~*

"Did you get them to be quiet?" Penelope asked, drinking tea at the kitchen table in her nightgown.

"It was just a Kneazle," James answered casually.  "Why are you drinking tea if you want to go to sleep?"

"I doubt that Kneazle is just going to magically be quiet."

"You never know."

"So who lives there now?"

James didn't actually know what to say.  Would it be wise to tell his wife that his other wife was living next door?  Probably not.  "Just a woman with her daughter."

"Another of those single mothers.  What is the world coming to?"

"Fire and brimstone."

"You're in a bad mood."

"I'm always in a bad mood, in case you haven't noticed."

"No, you're always depressed.  Now you're being surly and sarcastic."

"Great words of alliteration."

"I still suggest that you go in to see if it could be clinically treated."

"Penny, there are some things that magic and medicine doesn't fix.  My life is one of them.  Go to sleep."

"What are you going to do?"

"Read."

Penny sighed and decided she had to choose her battles, and this one wasn't worth it.  Her generally moody husband was even moodier when she tried to figure out what was wrong.  

*~*~*

"Sirius!  Pal, wake up!" James hissed at Sirius, shaking his sleeping friend awake while trying not to wake his sleeping bed partner.

"God, can't you leave me alone at night?  I have somebody over here!"

"And I have a crisis."

"You're whole life is a crisis.  Toss me a pair of pants." After Sirius was clothed, they convened in the dining room.  "So what's the problem this time.  The one that made you get me up from a very delectable female."

"Was that who I thought it was?"

"Umm, maybe?"

"Anyway, we can deal with that later.  Lily lives next to me."

"WHAT?"

"She does.  I saw her tonight.  And Celeste doesn't have a last name, and apparently Lily isn't using any of hers."

"It's her choice." Sirius rubbed his eyes, wondering how he had put up with James for twenty four years.  

"What am I going to do?"

"You're going to get through it.  You've been through worse stuff, this is child's play in comparison."

"No.  In case you didn't notice, my world began revolving around Lily, Sirius.  She was the person who kept me from falling into the dark pit I was headed for.  And then _she fell and I didn't pick her back up."_

"James," Sirius sighed, and hugged James.  He could count the number of times he had hugged James on one hand with fingers left over.  James didn't like to be touched, but he was at the beyond upset stage that Sirius had seen only a very few times.  "It isn't your fault that she was taken, or kept, or not recovered.  You didn't have control of the situation."

"And we all see how it turned out.  I don't have control on this situation, either."

Sirius paced a bit, then said, "James, I've done quite a bit of thinking on your situation.  Granted, all of this is just my opinion, but it's what I honestly think, you can take it or leave it.  Obviously, something has happened with Lily's mind, and none of us know what.  But I think you do." James opened his mouth to protest, but Sirius held up a hand for silence.  "Not right now you don't, but think about it, and I bet you will.  You're the last person alive that really knows much about her, about the way she thinks.  Analyze the way she thought, her outlook on things, what her solutions were usually like.  Think of all the tricks or jokes she ever played, and what she dreamed about.  You two were painfully honest with each other.  You have all the resources to figure her out, just try it.  Take a couple weeks off.  Do a little snooping without Penny looking over your shoulder."

James steepled his fingers in thought, "Sure, but how is that going to tell me what happened to her?"

"It's not," Sirius answered simply, and his friend gaped.  "It's only going to tell you what she's doing now."

"Right.  I'm confused."

"Obviously.  And you were considered a genius at Hogwarts, what a disgrace.  You can't control what happened to her, all you can do is try to figure out what's going on with her now.  And then you'll know what sort of life you could have left with her.  Chances are she's so emotionally damaged she won't want another man to touch her in three life times.  But then again, maybe things aren't what they seem."

"What are you talking about?" James asked, amazed by Sirius, never knowing his friend was this insightful.  Certainly Sirius was smart, James couldn't abide by stupid people, but he was showing an intelligence of the human soul.

"What if, by some miracle, she was able to walk away from that hell hole?  Maybe she's merely wounded, but not fatally so.  It that was true, the Lily you knew might be salvaged."

"Sirius, what do you know that I don't?"

"A great many things, but nothing about Lily."

"Then how do you know all this crap?"

"Because you've spent your life running from people, and I've spent mine embracing them."

*~*~*

Lily felt angry.  Furious.  How in the hell was she supposed to move on with her life in she lived next door to James?  Her husband!  

That, of course, would have to be taken care of in due haste.

She had a small child in her care, who was too smart for her own good, and apparently liked James.  Now that was just excellent.  Bloody damn brilliant.  

Lily wasn't normally one for cursing, but nearly three years around all sorts of surly men and women who weren't exactly refined had coarsened her preferences slightly, but this was a time for cursing if there ever was one.  Her life was falling down around her ears.

She was the current freak show of the magical world.  She hated that she couldn't try to resume life without snoopy busy-bodies who couldn't mind their own damn business.  It was her own life, wasn't it?  Exactly.  

And how was she supposed to reason clearly when she could hear through those bloody walls to listen to James telling his new wife goodbye?  What kind of establishment was this, anyway?

And why wasn't _he_ going to work today?  

It didn't matter, she told herself firmly.  What mattered was trying to figure out how to cook something for breakfast.  She had never been too spiffy in the kitchen, and now wasn't the exception.  Lily ran her hands through her hair in frustration, Celeste was complaining of hunger, and she was hungry too.  There wasn't so much as a box of cereal.  

There was bread, eggs, milk, pasta, soup mix, some spices, tea, cream of mushroom soup, and some wrapped meat.  And then there was coffee, praise God for coffee. 

"How about some soup for breakfast, sweetpea?"

"Mummy, you don't eat soup for breakfast," Celeste said seriously, staring at her mother.

Lily sighed, "I'll go see if I can find some cereal.  Is cereal okay?"

"Yes."

Lily grabbed the carton of eggs and went across the hall to her neighbor's flat, but not James's.  She knocked, and tapped her foot in impatience as she waited for someone to open the door, and then an old woman did.  "Professor Figg!" Lily cried in delight, grinning for the first time in ages.

"Lily?  My Lord, what are you doing here?" Her former Transfiguration professor looked shocked out of her mind.  

"I'm bartering cereal for eggs.  Is it a deal?  We don't have any cereal, and at the moment I'm facing a hungry toddler.  And I can't cook."

Professor Figg drew her in, Celeste soon following, and they both let the feeling of warmth soak in.  They had two years of coldness to work out of them.

*~*~*

  


James felt guilty.  He didn't like feeling guilty.  He had ushered Penelope out of their flat this morning, calling in for a vacation.  Of course, it was granted, most people assumed he was on the verge of insanity.

So, here he was.  James was locked inside of his study.  Nobody ever came in here, it was his private abode.  Only one person had ever been allowed in his private quarters, and so it was filled with memories of her.  Of course, that had been a different private study, but it was the same thought.  Here, he kept his few and precious memories of Lily.  The books she had bought him were locked in a glass cabinet, just in case.  That was his policy with all her things, just in case.

There was a bottle of perfume in his bottom desk drawer left over from three years ago.  

His old wedding ring.

Their wedding picture.

Her spare pair of glasses.

An earring without a partner.

A Christmas card.

His hand brushed over the card with a raised snowman and he felt guilty.  The guilt was so tangible he thought for a moment he would be ill.  James felt guilty for giving up on Lily so soon.  He felt guilty for not giving up completely once he married Penelope.  He felt guilty just because he married Penelope.  He had married her after three months; it had taken three years for Lily and him to walk down the aisle.  

The search for Lily's secret wasn't going so well.

*~*~*

"JAMES!"

"Yeah?" James asked, finally aware of a screaming voice outside the door.

"What the hell are you doing in there?"

"Uhh...fornicating with the maid?" He opened the door the same time he said that, so the situation would be slightly more humorous.  

Penelope didn't see the humor, "We don't have a maid."

"Right.  I was just catching up on some stuff.  What brings you home early?"

"I'm dropping this grocery list by, I-"

"I have to go shopping?" James made it sound like she was infecting him with the plague.

"Yes, you have to go shopping.  I'm going to invite our new neighbor to dinner."

"_What_?"

"The neighbor.  To dinner."

"But they're noisy, surely you don't want to foster friendship."  _Oh crap, I'm in deep.  And I mean deep._

"You said it was their cat.  Anyway, I slid a note under their door."

"Great," James said weakly, thinking it was anything but.  

*~*~*

Author's Note: **Céline** brought up that James lived in a house.  You were only given the impression that he lived in a house because there were stairs.  I'm a fan of the tent theory, where the outside is different than the inside.  So his flat has the interior of a house.  Lily's doesn't because the Ministry is paying for it, and do you honestly expect the government to give her a great flat when they're already paying her?  It's great that you caught that though, I'm thrilled that somebody's actually paying close attention!

**Mistocean****: I do bold by just bolding the words in Word, then saving it as a webpage, and all my formatting is kept.**

The reviews were brilliant as always, they make writing all the more fun.  Lotsa thanks to **The Elfin Child, Eleanor, unicornjewel, Céline, Nicole Christine Potter, Hanna-chan, Stefanorkle, Mistocean, ljpottafreak, luv-jinxy, Julie Anna, Stormie Night, KeeperOfTheMoon, littlegoober, Sara, RBFfreak22, Clare, missy, meLisSa, raphaella, Tina, Maria, Kristen, Julie, NattyNatterz, Nicole, laughoutloud, JazzyNStue, everblue3, and Carmen Sandiego.**


	8. Chapter Eight

"Celeste, do you have Professor Figg's list?" Lily asked, lifting the little girl into a shopping cart at the supermarket. Lily's former teacher had made a list of the essential items any person needed in their kitchen. 

"Yes, Mummy." Celeste stared around the store in curiosity, "They have everything here, don't they?"

"Just about," Lily agreed, giving a polite smile to the greeter. Celeste was occupied by looking at pictures on the food boxes and reading the small words that she knew.

"Are you really coming to dinner tonight, then, Lily?"

Lily jumped at the voice behind her, but she refused to turn around. Instead, she walked on in silence, filling a produce bag with apples.

"Of course, why would I expect you to answer me, Lily?"

"Hello, Mister James," Celeste said soberly.

"Hello, Celeste, nice to see you again. Same to you, Lily."

Both carts continued in their caravan to the pasta aisle, Lily wordlessly grabbing a package of spaghetti.

"I'm curious to know how many tricks you have left up your sleeve, _Lily," James kept stressing her name, reason unknown to Lily. "Or shall I say Mrs. Potter, considering you're still married to me?"_

"Mummy?" Celeste looked blown out of her little world. 

"So, are you two coming to dinner tonight, Celeste?" James asked, trying a different route after hitting one point.

"Dinner?"

"Penelope slid a note under your door asking you two to dinner. She doesn't know who lives next door to us yet." James tried to ignore the stares they were receiving from fellow customers.

"Are we going, Mummy? I want to go."

"No."

"Come on, Lily, you can't avoid me forever. Especially if Celeste is my child."

Lily swung her cart around so abruptly James ran into it as she was taking Celeste out. She narrowed her eyes at him over the barrier, and hissed her only words to him, "James, leave Celeste and me alone." Lily started walking away quickly, Celeste looking behind them in shock. She started tapping Lily on the shoulder when James began following them, not stopping when they left the store.

"I just want to talk to you! How am I supposed to know what's going on? I need some help here!"

Lily shook her head, but ignored him and continued walking, the crowd moving out of her way admirably.

James followed for about three blocks before his intelligence caught up with his body. He suddenly stopped, and quickly walked back to the supermarket, knowing this was heading to a bad place. He would be toast if he didn't at least bring home the requested groceries, because of course, Penelope would find out that he had chased his other wife down the road.

"Why did I do that?" James groaned out loud, deciding this was an awful mess.

*~*~*

"I don't understand why they haven't come yet! I slid the note right under the door, it couldn't have been missed," Penelope said in frustration, slamming things around the kitchen. "All this hard work down the drain! They couldn't even RSVP!"'

"Oh the horrors," James murmured, holding the newspaper higher so his face couldn't be seen. "Maybe they weren't home."

"You're right!" she said enthusiastically.

"I am?" James asked, hoping this wouldn't dig his grave any deeper.

"Of course! They probably weren't home in time to reply, so they thought it would be polite not to come."

Somehow, James didn't think that was what happened. "Listen, Penny, they probably didn't come because they want to be by themselves. Maybe it's some newlyweds who want to keep to themselves for a few more days, why don't we just leave them alone. Or something."

"James, don't get all dark and growly on me now. I'll just go over and ask them to come."

"No! Don't! I mean, why don't we stay home just the two of us. We can have a romantic evening. Maybe go for a stroll in the park." James grabbed her shoulders to keep her from leaving.

"I think not. Your romantic evenings always end up with a discussion as to why we should have children now rather than later."

"Well, since you mention it, neither of us is getting younger…"

Penelope waved her hand in dismissal. "I'm only twenty-six, I've got years left. I don't see the hurry."

James shook his head, knowing the argument wasn't worth it. She wouldn't see the hurry; then again, she hadn't seen what he had. Nobody had, come to think of it. "Fine. I'll just adopt."

"Without me?"

"Without you," James confirmed.

"I'd like to see that happen. Well, I'm going over there now, would you mind combing your hair for company?"

"I'm sure they won't mind," he mumbled. James's bird gave a mournful cry from the corner. "Yes, it's a very bad situation indeed."

*~*~*

"Hello? Anyone home?" Penelope pounded on the door of Lily's apartment for several minutes, and continued until Lily stepped up behind her and opened the door. "Excuse me?"

Lily smiled and raised her eyebrows. 

Celeste, of course, took care of the situation. "Are you trying to rob us?"

"Er, no. I just came to invite you to dinner. I left a note, but I guess you didn't get it."

"We haven't been home yet today. We had to go get some stuff. Mummy had to get a new wand, and we bought some new clothes, and…stuff," Celeste finished quietly when Lily looked at her sternly.

"My husband and I would love to have you two. And anybody that lives with you," Penelope smiled brightly.

"I really don't think so. Thank you for offering though."

"We insist, you're more than welcome."

"I really don't think it's appropriate." Lily knew she had to end this once and for all. She extended her hand and looked directly ahead, "I'm Lily. Lily Evans, but you may know me as Potter."

*~*~*

"JAMES POTTER!" Penelope screamed, slamming the door to their flat, ready to murder her husband.

"Yes, Penny?" 

She lunged, and started swinging while yelling. "You made me look like a fool, you dolt! Have you no common sense whatsoever? You KNEW she lived next door, but you still let me go over there! And why the hell didn't you TELL me she lived there? You blasted idiot!"

"I-"

"Don't talk to me! She introduced herself as polite as can be, offering to shake my hand! Now I look like some evil hussy who stole her husband, because she's everyone's hero right now!"

"And she saw it! Of course I was surprised, so there's no telling how dumb I looked." Penny screamed again. "How could you do that to me?"

"I-"

"I SAID DON'T TALK TO ME!" 

"Well don't ask me a question you don't expect me to answer. And don't talk to me until you're ready to have a rational conversation. I refuse to argue with someone who is acting worse than the toddler next door," James said coolly, turning toward his study and solace.

Penelope grabbed his arm to turn him towards her. "Don't walk away from me. James, stop, I-"

James continued walking and slammed the door.

*~*~*

"Please go away!" Lily shouted when somebody started knocking on her door again. She really couldn't handle anything else today.

"Lily? It's me, Sirius! I just wanted to check on you."

She groaned. More people to talk to. However, she did owe him. "Hi, Sirius," Lily forced a smile. 

"Lily!" Sirius hugged her tightly, and after a bit she returned it. "Brilliant to see you again. Nice to know you're speaking nowadays."

"Only to a select few."

"Could I treat you to dinner?"

"I really don't think so, but thank you. I appreciate the thought."

"Celeste is welcome to come."

"Mummy! Please! Don't make me eat what you cook!"

Lily turned to glare at Celeste, who was trying her best to look angelic. 

"That settles it. Let's go."

*~*~*

This was difficult to write, I couldn't come up with anything I liked. I think this is passable though. Thanks to **NattyNatterz for beta-ing this chapter, it was highly appreciated. **

Happy Memorial Day weekend to all!

To my reviewers: You guys broke 200, yahoo, I'm excited! I'll try to get something out soon for you. I'm going to work on WDBTN first, though, I love the part I'm at. Extreme moodiness from James is always great in my opinion. **Eleanor, mooncancer, Bambi, Lilybird, Céline, KeeperOfTheMoon, Stefanorkle, hpankiki, reader, JazzyNStu, Kelly, torifire126, Clare, unicornjewel, Kristen, everblue3, Sea, punkchicloser6078, Ashley, Nicole Christine Potter, ljpottafreak, luv-jinxy, laughoutloud**


	9. Chapter Nine

Lily turned to glare at Celeste, who was trying her best to look angelic. 

"That settles it.  Let's go."

"No."

Sirius tried to lead her out the door, Lily dragging her feet.

"What part of no don't you understand?  I said no, and I meant it.  That means you can't take me anywhere without it being criminally classified as kidnapping.  Under the Siberian Code, that qualifies as a minimum of eighteen months in a magical prison.  So stop touching me.  Now.

"Gee.  I'm…sorry.  I didn't realize it was such an issue to take a friend out to dinner.  I didn't mean anything by it.  I really am sorry; I should have been more thoughtful.  You're probably the last person on earth right now that wants to have anybody touch them, no matter how casually."  Sirius held his hands up, palm out, and backed away several steps.

Lily continued to watch him carefully, forgetting that he had been the one to retrieve her; only remembering the feel of him trying to lead her out the door, and its similarity to situations that had been far from friendly.  Celeste watched the display avidly, her eyes darting back and forth.  

Sirius studied her carefully, and his warm eyes settled on her evenly.  

"Mummy?  I'm hungry."

"I know, Celeste," Lily murmured.

"What if I cook something for you?  Can I stay?  You won't be anywhere against your will, and I'll leave whenever you ask."

Lily looked uncertain, and she looked around the room nervously.  "That will be alright, I suppose."

"Good, I'll get started."

In the next fifteen minutes, the small flat was filled with the sound of Celeste's endless chatter to Sirius, who was no longer a stranger after an introduction, and of him easily rustling through the cabinets to find supplies.

Lily sat at the table and watched for a long time, trying to deal with everything she felt at once.  Years ago, this could have been normal.  Sirius would visit for dinner, in return, he would cook.  They would all laugh and carry on, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stopping in later on, but seldom for dinner.  That was reserved for Sirius.  He was James's best friend, cohort in crime, counselor, and attorney all in one.  To Lily, he was like a brother-in-law, always there to watch out for something that belonged to James.  He would check in on her if James had a long shift at the hospital during her pregnancy, just to see if she needed something. 

"Are you here as James's friend or as mine?"

"Beg pardon?" Sirius turned from the stove, one eyebrow cocked in question.

"Are you here to measure the situation for James, or here because you're concerned for me?"

"I'm here as a neutral party.  I'm here for you, but you know as well as I do that James is my concern."

"I thought so."

"He didn't send me."

"I didn't think he did."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Later."

*~*~*

Later came when Celeste was asleep in her bed, no doubt dreaming about unicorns and kittens and pink ribbons.

Sirius and Lily sat on the couch, staring out the window onto the street below.

"This is a mess, wouldn't you say?"

"I would.  Where's Remus?"

"Germany.  You know him, he gets around.  Even more after you were gone.  I thought England would drive him mad.  We all love you, James wasn't the only one.  No doubt you will see the other two soon enough."

"Remus is my good friend.  Peter lacks the resources to be conniving.  You're what's left, and frankly, you scare the hell out of me."

"If it's any comfort, you scare the hell out of me too, Lily.  You effectively changed the natural order of the Marauders.  And, you bumped me out of the number one position.  I should be pissed at you, but I don't have the heart.  You're too sweet."

"Was.  I don't think I'm quite the same as before."

"That's understandable.  So now my question is what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?  I'm getting money from the Department.  I'm going to send Celeste to a nursery store, find a job, and take cooking classes.  Lord knows I need them."

"I won't argue with that.  What sort of job are you looking at?"

"Don't know.  I don't have a lot of training, but I'm guessing my Head Girl badge my open a few doors."

"It should.  What are you going to do about James?"

"And so we get down to the crux of the matter.  I'm going to get divorce papers and divorce James.  I don't really see any other options for the situation.  Don't worry, I don't feel like stealing the Potter fortune, before you get your hackles raised."

"You two didn't have a prenuptial agreement."

"We didn't and don't need one.  All I want is my stuff back.  Photos, my parents' things.  I doubt he wants yellowed pictures of me after my first attempt at makeup or my mom's engagement ring."

"You could get him back."

"Not and like myself afterward.  I still have a heart, Sirius.  I wasn't completely damaged."

"Don't you want him back?"

"Yes and no.  You know what, this is ridiculous.  Why am I talking to you?" Lily laughed, "I am talking to his best friend who will repeat every word I say.  I quit.  Go home, Sirius, and thank you for making dinner, it was great."

"But-"

"Remember our terms?"

"Yes.  I'll leave.  But one last thing…is Celeste his daughter or what?  He deserves to have a part in her life if she is.  You know how bad he wants children."

Lily smiled, "Time's up, Sirius.  Out."

Sirius was effectively packed and shoved out the door in under thirty seconds, which was something he considered quite impressive.  

And now, Sirius was faced with a rather daunting decision:  Tell James or respect Lily's privacy.  Lily was, at the moment, a wounded deer, ready to bolt at any movement.  She did deserve honesty and respect from someone.  

However, James _was_ and _always would be his number one priority.  That was the deal between them, unyielding loyalty that went both ways.  James demanded it from all of his friends, and Sirius had always respected that.  Lily had changed that equation slightly with her appearance into their group that was thicker than any blood, but the principles were basically the same.  _

And that was why Sirius was going to talk to James now.  

Sirius gritted his teeth as he knocked on the door.  That was one of the things that had completely hacked him off about Penelope from the get go.  Lily had made it obvious they were welcome at just about any time in her home.  Sirius, Remus, and Peter all knew the location of the hide-a-key.  Penelope made it obvious knocking was a requirement.  

This was a tough bone for Sirius to swallow.  It was practically like being asked to knock at his own house.  Granted, Penelope was a more private person than Lily had been, but she just didn't respect the relationship of best-friends the way she should.  

"He's in a bad mood, Sirius.  Might I recommend coming back later?" Penelope asked, opening the door.  She looked like she had just stepped from the shower, complete with shower cap.  

"Nope, it's important.  Is he in his little room?"

"Of course, where else would he go to sulk?"

"Good point.  You looked ravishing, my dear."  Sirius winked playfully and strode to the back of the flat.  

Penelope made a sound of disgust and rolled her eyes.  

"James?  Pal, you in there?" he called through the door.

"Actually, I jumped out the window twenty minutes ago.  I'm not home."

"Har-de-har-har.  Come on, I've got some rather interesting news for you.  First hand information."

"About?"

"I need you to come out here to listen."

"I'm brooding, leave me the hell alone.  I've had a crappy day…a crappy week for that matter.  Hell, it's been a crappy life."

Sirius took a deep breath for courage, and did the unthinkable.  He opened the door to James's private retreat, and stepped right in.

He was incredibly shocked to find it unlocked.

James was incredibly shocked someone had the nerve to open the door.

"It wasn't crappy when you had Lily, now was it?"

*~*~*

A/N:  That new chapter didn't come out quickly has intended.  I would apologize, but there's frankly no help for it.  I simply have a time shortage.  I'll try my best, and that's about all I can offer.  Thanks for not giving up on me:  Trish, The Elfin Child, punkchicloser6078, CarmenSandiego, Julie, everblue3, Angelisa Snape, raphaella, tina, Kristen, Kelly, mistocean, RBFfreak22, torifire126, missy, luv-jinxy, lol, Clare, hpandkiki, kaylynn, JazzyNStu, Nicole, Life, Love Sanity, ljpottafreak, Ashley, Julie Anna, unicornjewel, Stefanorkle, Bambie, Eleanor, Natty Natterz, Melissa, Lily, Anna, Sarah, Mtmurphy89, mooncancer.


	10. Chapter Ten

"You can't be in here, Sirius," James stated the obvious for them both.  "Can you please come back later?  I don't really feel too marvelous right now."

"You don't really _look_ too marvelous right now.  This Lily thing is really messing with you, isn't it?  Are you not sleeping again?  I thought that eased up awhile back."

"I'm just restless is all.  Seriously, though, can you get out of here?  I'd prefer to be alone."

"Nope.  Sorry, but I'm not going to let you wallow in misery."  Sirius searched for a chair to sit on, but couldn't find one.  "Wow, you really are solitary in here.  Amazing." He ended up blocking the door so James couldn't escape.  "You will be interested to know that I talked to Lily today.  I asked her to dinner…not like that," he said in a hurry at the shocked look on James's face.  "It was the weirdest thing because now that I think about it, she talked the entire time without saying anything, and I didn't even realize it.  All I really know now that I didn't know for sure before is that she's planning on divorcing you."

"That's nice to know.  Do you want a drink?" James asked, pulling a decanter filled with Scotch out.

"No.  I don't really think so," Sirius stated, knowing exactly where that landed them before.  "She wants to get the kid in a nursery school, take some cooking classes, and get a job."

"Why does she want a job?"

"Probably because the money the department is giving her won't last forever.  But that's only my guess."

"She looks good, doesn't she?"

"Are you missing the issue here?" Sirius asked loudly.  "SHE WANTS A DIVORCE!  Are you going to stand for that?"

"I think you're the one missing the point.  She is _alive_, Sirius.  I can handle that now, I can get things in my control.  I cannot bring people back from the dead, though, she was lost to me.  But now she isn't, I have a chance.  First, though, I have to figure some stuff out."

"I think she wants the divorce now, not next year."

"I realize that; it takes two signatures for that to be legal, and mine's one of them."  James smiled, feeling so much calmer than he had in an endless period of time.  He had control of the situation.

*~*~*

Lily had fallen asleep the same time as Celeste during her afternoon naptime; the feeling of being overwhelmed had taken over.  Even with the deluge of conflicts in her life right now, she slept peacefully, not feeling the physical and mental turmoil she had nearly adapted to over the past years.  The pain and embarrassment that she had been subject to would be something she would never have to go through again in her life.  She was safe in her little flat, as was Celeste.  They had the things they needed.  They even had a basic form of companionship, each other.  

When Lily awoke, she felt a small pang of loneliness, even with the fellowship of Celeste. Lily had never lived alone her entire life; she had lived first with her parents, then Petunia, then James and his family, and finally with Voldemort and his league.  Now it was just a two year-old whose main concern was the menu for the next meal.

Intellectual conversation was certainly lacking.  

Then again, she wasn't talking to people.

And Harold's visit wasn't until 4:30, which left her with another long hour of nothingness.  In reality, there were thousands of things for Lily to do, but none were exceptionally interest-grabbing.  Her financial outlook had to be evaluated, the employment section of The Daily Prophet needed to be examined, Celeste's room needed to be tidied, grocery shopping really needed to be done, without interference.

None of these things were what she had planned to do with her freedom.  

Nothing was going as planned.

But then again, life was never simple, was it?

*~*~*

"Come on, open up!  Immediately!  It's an emergency!" Remus Lupin shouted, knocking loudly on James's door.

"Not another one," Penelope groaned as she answered it.  "They're in his study."

"Thanks," Remus said shortly, walking past her.  He too strode straight into James's abode, privacy not an issue with him.

It was with James.  "What is it with you people?  You have never been allowed in here before, but today everybody and their familiar are just barging in on my territory!  I won't-"

"Is it true?" Remus interrupted, his amber eyes incredibly serious.

"Yes," James confirmed, resting his face in his hands.  "She's alive."

"Oh…" he was at a loss for words.  Remus fell to the carpeting in shock, clutching a newspaper written in German, the headline _Erfolg__ Hexelily-Töpfer Gerettet aus Lord Voldemort...Hit Witch Lily Evans Rescued from Lord Voldemort._

"And she lives next door," Sirius supplied, trying to be helpful.

"You're joking.  You have _got_ to be joking.  People don't just…come back from the fucking dead!"

"I said the same thing," James said, looking at something in his desk drawer.  "Now would you people mind clearing out?"

"I would mind."

"She lives next door?" Remus asked, running his hands over his face.

"Sure does."

"Would Mopy Molly and Chatty Cathy both get the hell out?"

"I…I'll go see her."

"That would be just beautiful if you would leave me alone."

"You're not shirking me, buddy boy."  Sirius stood and started examining the titles on a bookshelf.  "Any particular reason these are behind lock and key?  Perhaps they're priceless antiques?  First-editions?  Gifts from a formerly thought dead wife?"

"OUT!" James yelled, finding a paper weight to hurl at Sirius, getting a good throw landed on the shoulder.

"OWW!  Bloody hell!  That _hurt_!  Are you trying to kill me or something?"

"I would have hit your head if I was trying to kill you.  Now leave me alone."

"Are you going to plot?" Sirius questioned, eyebrows raised.  "I can help, you know.  I always offered the creative twists to our Hogwarts days.  Remus can lend a hand, and we'll call in Peter, too.  There's no way you can lose her with The Marauders reunited.  You'll come up with the basic idea and I'll embellish it.  Remus will do a little research, and Peter will be the subtle go-between."  

"I got her to marry me the first time without your help, and I can do it again, should that be what I choose to do."

"Oh, _really?  It seems you really have that planned.  You need us."_

"I need no one at the moment.  I need to be alone.  I need to do a little research. I-"

"Remus does research."

James sucked in his breath and gritted his teeth.  "I swear I'll ask you for help later, but not right now."

"Deal," Sirius said happily, grinning like the maniac he was.  James found the bottle of the little Muggle miracle known as aspirin in hopes he could relieve the incredible headache that was forming.  "I'm pretty sure the bottle says not to mix with liquor."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes-"

"SIRIUS!" Remus interrupted, possibly the only sane one of the group.

"Right.  I'll stop."

"Back to the present matter at hand, _where does she live?  Which flat?"_

"The one to my left.  Keep your hands off her."

Remus stared, rather offended.  "Since when have I put my hands on her?"

"Never, but that's beyond the point.  I don't want anything thinking she's free territory."

Now he paused halfway out the door and turned back around and shut it.  "Let me get this straight.  It's your intentions to scare any possible suitors Lily may have?"

"Yes."

"But you're going to live here with Penelope?  Sirius, do you see the hypocrisy here?  By no means do I want a romantic relationship with Lily, but I imagine some brave soul might."

"Remus, I do see the hypocrisy," Sirius added, standing beside his werewolf friend. "James, she _is twenty-two for crying out loud.  I want to see how you're going to keep her from dating?  But before that, do you actually __want her __or Penelope, because I frankly don't think you can handle both."_

"Maybe if the two of you could _leave me alone I could figure out what I want."_

Sirius and Remus turned in unison and walked out, Sirius calling out over his shoulder, "We're going to go manhandle Lily!"

*~*~*

Lily grinned at the knocking on her door.  Either Harold had paid his visit early, Professor Figg was giving call, or...Lily lost her smile.  There was a chance James had come to harass her again, or Penelope had come to give her a rather nasty talking too.  But then again, nothing could top the perverse sense of pleasure Lily had felt when the blond woman had developed a rather nauseas expression and dropped her hand abruptly at the introduction.

She looked through the small peek hole to see the familiar brown-haired man standing outside, one hand stuffed his pocket, the other holding a rolled up newspaper.  Lily smiled as she opened the door, delighted to see her friend again. "Hello."

"Lily!" Remus rushed at her, then paused just before he hugged her.  "It's okay to hug you, right?"

"Perfectly fine as long as an abduction isn't planned," she said.  Lily could only be described as ecstatic at seeing Remus again.  He had been the first Marauder that she had known anything of, the one who introduced her to James, and generally a wonderfully and entirely platonic friend.

While they were still hugging, Celeste wandered out of her room, looking tousled from her nap.  "Mummy?  Is this my daddy?"

Remus froze as he saw her.  "Oh my dear God."

*~*~*

"James, we need to talk.  I need to know what you're planning to do," Penelope said, walking into his study.  

"Okay, we can talk, but I would prefer we do it somewhere else.  This is a rather private place for me.  Do you want to go get dinner?  The Hogs Head?"

"You know I hate that place, it's so crude."

"Sorry, sorry, I forgot.  You choose the place."

"Why don't we just go get ice cream at Florean's?  Let's just act like a normal married couple.  Please?" Penelope turned to get a last look of the room she was being propelled out of.

"Sure," James answered with a nervous smile.  

When they had a table at the ice cream parlor, one of the limited indoor seats, Penelope turned on him intensely.  She had her hair tugged back in a bun, and the set of her face made her look like a stern Heavenly being…providing you believed in such things.

"James, I need to know what your plans are.  I can't live in uncertainty.  It would just be the kindest thing for all three of us if you would just let us know."

"I understand," James said slowly.  "The thing is, I don't really know what I'm going to do."

"Ever since I've known you, you have had the ability to make split-second decisions, and you have usually made the right choice.  So that leads me to have the belief that you really do know what you want to do…it's just a matter of doing it."

"You're right, but I don't really think this is an appropriate time for split-second decisions.  I think this is a little more on the serious side."

"You're right.  I wish you the strength and the mind to make the right decision for you.  I know you will." Penelope place her hand over his, and there they sat for awhile, each thinking their own thoughts.

*~*~*

Remus stared at Celeste for a long minute, his eyes darting from Celeste, to Lily, to the direction of James's flat, and back to Celeste again.  "Oh…oh…LILY?"

"Problems, Remus?"

"Oh my…oh…can I make some tea?  Please?  I need some tea."

"Be my guest.  Celeste, do you want some milk?"

"Yes.  Who is that man?  You're not hugging him anymore, so he's not my daddy, is he?"

"No, sweetheart, he isn't.  He's one of my friends, his name is Remus Lupin."

"He sort of looks like a wolf.  That other man looked like a puppy, but this one looks like a wolf.  Why are there so many men visiting us today?"

"They just want to see us since they haven't seen me in a long time, or you at all."

"Sirius was here earlier?" Remus asked, shakily preparing instant tea.

"Yes.  How are you, Remus?"

"I suspect better than you.  However, you look wonderful.  And, you, uh, have a child.  How coincidental."

"It is, isn't it?" Lily beamed.

"When are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?" she asked innocently.

"Don't play stupid and don't make me spell it out.  What the crap are you doing?  Are you insane?  You have got to tell James she's his child."

"No, I don't.  It's my secret and mine alone.  Besides, I doubt he cares, he doesn't need either of us."

"He would kill to have a daughter.  Or a son.  Or any legitimate offspring."

"I know."

*~*~*

*~*~*

Hello again!  Is everyone looking forward to June 21?  Who do you guys think'll die?  Now to my reviewers:

The Elfin Child:  Sirius obsession?

Angelisa Snape:  Thanks for not giving up.

Bon:  Not necessarily.

Torifire126:  He is nice, isn't he?

Mistocean:  He was shocked because it _wasn't_ locked.  Admittance had always been denied, so it was assumed that it was locked.

Melissa:  Congratulations

Celine:  I do love it when James is nasty, mainly because it's opposite of The Prequel James.  Lily is scared because she knows that Sirius's loyalty is with James, and to him, she isn't anything more than James's wife.

RBFfreak22:  Thanks for reading my other fanfics.

Kelly:  Glad you like him

Luv-jinxy:  Why don't you like her?

Rainfire:  I don't exceptionally like it when she's putty in his hands either.  She's getting the money as back pay.  I can't really delve too deep into James's character without losing the element of surprise for later.  Thanks for your great reviews, I loved them.

Golden Slumber:  Yes, I do know what you're talking about.

Laughoutloud:  He is more going behind the back, isn't he?

JazzyNStu:  I think slow and steady will have to catch it.

Punchiclosr6078:  I think Lily will stay this way for the time being.

Sea: Aww, lurking is no fun!

Ladyofthelake:  I'm glad you think that too.  I can see a huge difference, especially when I read the beginning of The Prequel.  Let's all shudder.

Trish: It's probably not what you expected.

It appears that most of you are concerned with Celeste's parentage and finding out about it.  Rather than saying that in every reply, here's my answer:  It'll be at least three chapters before you find out who her parents are, more than likely more.

Thanks to those who said they loved/liked/tolerated it:  Bambie, Ashley, hpandkiki, sabner, ljpottafreak, Kristen, flaming-phyinix


	11. Chapter Eleven

"So what are you going to do?  You can't just plan on raising her without a father when her father lives right-AHHHH!" Remus yelled when he found Lily launching herself out him in an effective attempt to silence him.

"Shut up, you imbecile!  Celeste is _right here!"_

"She's two, what the hell can she comprehend?"

"Would you watch your mouth?"

"I can comprehend that you are in deep kitty poo," Celeste said smugly.

"Okay…okay.  Let's all settle down.  Celeste, why don't you go visit Professor Figg for a bit, and Remus, you can come with me on a walk, we obviously need to talk; that way you can talk freely without teaching my daughter inappropriate language.  Let's go." 

Lily took Celeste across the hall, and Professor Figg cooed in delight to her before promising popcorn balls and hot chocolate while their cats played together.  Lily and Remus went down to the street to walk idly down the sidewalk.  She hooked her harm casually through his, sighing.  "Everything's so confusing right now.   Have you been well?"

"Not too bad.  I'm the guinea pig for a company trying to make a lycanthropy remedy, hence the gray hairs and wrinkles.  They're not getting too close," he said ruefully.  "So, uh, you have a lot of interesting additions in your life, a kid and tattoo among them.  _What the crap is going on?"_

"You have a bad attitude.  The tattoo will come off easily with magical medicine, I just have to go back some time.  I love Celeste, I wouldn't be able to handle this without her.  She's someone to love, and the only someone I have right now, Remus."

"You could go live with Petunia, I'm sure she would have you."

"I would feel like a bug crawling there after the way we left each other.  It was a nightmare," she said, kicking rocks as she went along, head bowed to deflect some of the sharp wind.

"You do realize he's legally married to you, not Penny.  You could have a hell of a court case."

"Why in the world would I want a court case?  Did some of that trial potion kill half of your brain?  I just got out of the closest thing to hell on earth, and right now, all I want is a normal, safe life.  I don't want Daily Prophet coverage on my every word.  If James can move past me, I can most certainly move past him.  I was the one who carried that relationship, anyhow."

"Is that what you want to think, Lily?" James asked, hurrying up beside them.

"_You_!" she said indignantly, pointing.  "Are you stalking me?  I know self-defense.  I have a guard-Kneazle."

"Both of those sure worked in the past, didn't they?   Where are you two going?"

"Shouldn't you be getting back to Penelope for some sort of Sunday afternoon activity?" Lily asked venomously, wondering if there was some way she could trip him successfully.

"We don't have afternoon activities.  She's undoubtedly calling her friends to complain about me, so I'm free to chase my other wife and friend," James said with false brightness.

Lily made some sort of growling noise and glared.

"I just want to talk to you.  By the way, what's with your sudden chattiness?  Conversations with my friends, but not with me, isn't that a find deal?"

"I don't want to talk to you," she gritted out, and walked faster.

"Tough.  We're married, I could move in."

She walked faster.  "Only in your casket."

"Creative.  Come on, are you going to avoid me forever?"

"Oh no, I expect someday we can be best pals." Lily started walking at a comically fast speed, not wanting to be near James at the moment…it just wasn't safe.

Of course, he had to walk faster too.

And of course, there's that point you can't walk any faster and you have to run.

They reached that point.  Lily had an easier time darting through the crowd, which was an advantage until the crowd started parting for them, everyone wanting to witness James chasing her down the sidewalk.  This would be great gossip.  The chase actually ensued for about three blocks, then he finally caught her.

"Would you just stop, Lily?  I think we've drawn enough attention."

"Why did you have to chase me?  Nobody would have noticed if I had just walked away, but _you_ had to follow."

"Maybe I didn't chase you long enough the first time."

*~*~*

"Oh, man," Sirius observed.

"Yeah."  Remus and Sirius watched the spectacle that was their friends from a bench on the sidewalk.

"He said he was going to the loo.  One minute, he was standing by the window, the next he was rushing away.  Then, I see him following you two."

"Do you have the feeling all involved are going to be screwed over?"

"At some point or another, yes, yes I do."

*~*~*

Lily eyes widened, and she had to fight desperately not to cry.  "James, please don't do this to either of is.  You know what you have to do, and I'm not part of that have to.  Penelope is your wife now."

"But I loved you, Lily, so much." James brushed her hair back from her forehead back in a tenderly familiar gesture. 

She stepped back abruptly, looking outraged.  "Do you _want_ me to laugh at you?  What are you going to do?  Date me and sleep with her?  Oh, goody, that sounds like _fun!"_

James's jaw dropped.

"Listen, James, you're apparently not grasping reality like you used to.  _You gave up on __me, not the other way around.  That means I owe you nothing, and I don't care __how wounded and neglected you think you are.  The day you married __her you divorced me, legally or not.  I am _not_ going to let you constantly keep my life in limbo.  I have a daughter to raise, and I'm going to raise her all by myself.  I don't care what you think about it because you have absolutely __nothing to do about the situation.  I am not going to be treated as a stand-by wife.  I didn't go for it when we were married, and I don't know why you have that notion now.  I'm not normally one for ultimatums, but I'm giving you one now, buddy.  It's her or me, not both us…__ever.  And you better make sure you do one damn fine job of deciding, because when you say yea or nay, it is _permanent_.  Do you understand me?"_

"Yessss," he said hesitantly.

"Good, now go home and think about it."

"Okay.  I will." He started to walk off, then turned to see her still standing.  "Nice to hear you talking…or yelling as the case may be, again." Before she could register it, he brushed his lips against her cheek and strode off in the direction of his flat.

*~*~*

That night, two unhappy scenes took place on the same flat level.

In one, a little girl crawled under the covers of her mother's bed and kissed her cheek, whispering, "Don't cry, Mummy."

In another, a man settled down for a restless night on the couch.  No matter what he did, it wasn't right.  
  


*~*~*

I'm basically just getting this out before Saturday.  This way, I don't feel bad about not having a weekend update, and I'm happy.  After I read it, I'm going to see if there's any way I can alter this a little to make it match whatever new information we get, so it might be a little while before the next update.   Can you believe it, we'll actually have book five!

MtMurphy89-Thanks, that's one of my goals to keep them different, and I don't know how I have time either!

Memyselfandi-Things are seldom what they seem…then again, sometimes they are just that.

Angelisa Snape-Sometimes she makes me mad too, but then sometimes I feel bad for her.

Nicole-What makes you think that?

Lilybird-Just wait and see

Kelly-I really do feel bad for her in a way too.  Maybe three more chapters, it sort of depends.  I could finish this, no frills, in about five chapters, but I doubt that I will.

The Elfin Child-I hope you had fun with that.

RBTfreak22-Maybe…maybe not.  Lily's the only one with the answers, isn't she?

Luv-jinxy-I agree

Memyselfandi-This is really giving you a hard time, isn't it?  I might need to make Penelope a bit more likeable, I'll consider it.

Tina-They better stay different…I have to keep them in hand.

Kiki-He didn't, didn't he?  That's the first time I had one of my characters use that word, ironic that it was Remus.  

Missy-Apparently you didn't read very carefully, or you read into it too much.  I didn't give a definitive answer either way.

Julie Anna-It probably would be cute, couldn't you see him with a daughter?

Adenara Yatman, unicornjewel, HPfreak, Jessie xxx, torifire126, Sea, Melissa, Trish, Cherie, Lexie, 


	12. Chapter Twelve

A week later, Lily, feeling she was making an important first step to putting her past behind her, went to her arranged doctor's appointment at St. Mungo's on the fourth floor.  She had left Celeste behind at her former professor's, deciding it was rather risky to have her in a hospital.  

"Yes?" The woman at the reception desk asked, sounding like this was all very routine.

"Lily Evans for her mark removal." Lily had, of course, practiced using her maiden name again so that she sounded very calm.

"Fourth floor, Armando Dippet ward.  Next?"

Lily went to the correct ward, barely bothering to read the signs.  She had chosen the hospital due to the fact that James worked at Lord Hubert's after a brief internship here.  She was entirely safe, or so she thought.

Things were fairly breezing along; she had made it to the practice room and was sitting on a charmed table that was so slick she nearly slid off a few times, and was waiting with the Healer.  He had said that he wanted to wait for his associate Healer, who hadn't ever seen a case like hers, and hoped she wouldn't mind if he sat in.

She had given her consent, then immediately regretted it when the associate Healer came in quietly, closing the door behind him.  "There was a slight commotion in the corridor, a nurse had-" James looked incredibly shocked and cut off abruptly.

"Well, now that my partner is here, we can commence.  Miss Evans, are you alright?"

Lily was staring at James who was staring right back.  "Fine, fine."

"James, this is the case I was discussing with you earlier.  Miss Evans, you have the unusual honor of being one of the few people who have returned from You-Know-Who's clutches and wishing to have his mark taken off.  Most of the time, they don't, but I have reason to believe yours is a different situation."

James, naturally, made a rude noise at the mention of a Miss Evans.  

"Oh, you can say his name, it doesn't bother me," Lily said, trying to be cheerful.  She was seriously hoping this wasn't going to be one of those deals you had to wear those awful paper gowns that didn't have a back.  

"It bothers me," the Healer said shortly.  "Lie down."

As she scooted to change positions, she fell off the table to land unceremoniously on her derriere.  "Is that slick enough for you two?"

"It's a germ-repellent charm," James supplied, looking suspiciously close to a smile.

"I suggest you find a better one," she snapped.  Lily carefully positioned herself back on the table.

"Look over our patient's chart while I examine the mark, if you please."

"No need," James said, waving it away, a smirk on his face as he watched Lily shake her head frantically.

"Really, you should be aware of her medical condition."

"Oh, I am.  Very aware."

"Yes?  Examples, please."

"She's allergic to peanuts and peanut dust, and she can't even eat anything processed in the same place a peanuts.  She has been The Dark Lord's prisoner for two years, eight months, sixteen days.  She can't fly to save her life, grinds her teeth in her sleep, and has a birthmark shaped like Portugal on her left side.  Her real name is actually Lily Potter, but when it suits her she likes to revert back to her maiden name."

Lily crossed her arms, not exactly sure what to say in her defense.  

"Well.  If either of you would like to change the assisting doctor, I can understand."

"I'm here, I might as well do it."

Lily narrowed her eyes.  "Don't touch me."

"I'm afraid that's impossible, but I'll keep it to a minimum.  Heffle, are we using the normal mark-removal procedure?"

"Yes, I think with several rounds we can get it.  If you would secure your hair," he handed her a hairnet, which she made a face at, "we can begin."

A series of spells were applied that faded, disguised, and blended Voldemort's mark, James practicing a cooling charm after each one faithfully.

"James, if you'll just apply a bandage with a healing and cooling salve, I think with a little vinegar, she can go home.  Miss Evans, you have an escort home, do you not?"

"Er, no, I didn't realize I needed one."

"It's best not to be alone directly after spells are directed to the head.  This particular series sometimes holds side effects; nausea, dizziness, and fatigue are all common.  If you don't have a responsible accompaniment with you, I'd prefer you stay for a few hours."

"I don't have time, I told Celeste two hours at the most," Lily gritted out, raising a hand to her pounding head as she sat up.

"I'll, uh, arrange something while I bandage her, don't worry, Sir."

"Fine, fine, if you think you can handle it." The Healer left the room, leaving the two alone.

James started rummaging through the many cabinets, drawers, and jars to get the needed supplies, and approached her.  "Hold still, please," he said quietly.  The soothing flutters of his hand made her drowsy, and she found herself swaying slightly.  "Dizzy?"

"Umm, no, just a little tired.  I'm ready to go."

"I'll go with you."

"You really can't.  I can Floo on my own, I promise."

"I'll take off and sit with you this afternoon."

"How can you manage that?"

"Once you were gone and I finally went back to work, I didn't take a single personal day, so I'm stuffed with them."

"That must have made for an interesting honeymoon."

"She didn't have time either," he helped her off the table, his hand touching her side as he did.  Lily jumped a few feet out of his grasp, watching him warily.  "What?"

"I just don't feel comfortable being touched.  Really, please don't."

"Lily?  I wasn't, and I'm still not, going to hurt you.  I was just helping you down from the table."

"I-I know.  Can you please just…not?" Lily shivered, closing her eyes.

"Yeah.  Can I take you home?  It's either that or you park yourself in a bed.  Healer's orders." James gave her a slight smile.

"You won't stay with me, will you?"

"We'll see about that when we get there.  Let's go." James went to the employee area and checked out, notifying a few nurses, and grabbed a duffel bag.  He Flooed with Lily, careful not to touch her, and landed smoothly in her flat.  "I'll just go get Celeste.  By the time I'm back, I expect to see you changed into whatever you want to sleep in.  And you are going to sleep."

"No!" Lily beat him to the door.  "I don't want you doing this."

"Doing what?"

"You are not pretending to be a part of our family.  You aren't going to go pick Celeste up, and you most certainly aren't going to coddle me.  Understood?"

"No, not at all.  I'm tired of being bossed around by you and I'm taking control.  Go change." James left very little room for argument…he closed discussion by walking out the door.

Lily decided it might be best to listen; she wasn't feeling quite up to snuff, not to mention she didn't want to know what he would do if she wasn't changed yet.  She hastily scrambled into a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, and took up a spot on the couch, picking up a book entitled _Everything You Need To Know To Cook The Basics.  _

"Mummy!" Celeste squealed happily, entering her home on James's shoulders.  "Mr. James picked me up!  He's not a stranger, so it's okay, right?"

"No."

"_Lily_."

"Fine.  Whatever, I don't care.  James, we're both fine, so would you mind leaving now?"

"Yes, I do mind, in fact.  How about Celeste and I entertain ourselves while you just rest?"

"I don't need to rest."

"Mr. James said you were sorta sick and needed a nap to feel better.  He said he'd play with me.  He said we could go over to his house and see his bird."

"No!"

"We could stay here if you don't want her leaving," James suggested.

"Oh…alright." Lily stretched out, and promised herself she wouldn't go to sleep and prove him right.

James charmed up some parchment and paints, and went with Celeste into the kitchen to draw, and Lily soon fell asleep, and that was how Harold Croaker found them a few hours later when he came to check on Lily.

"As with all things dealing with you two, I'm curious," Harold said, sounding amused as he looked from Lily sleeping on the couch to James and Celeste covered nearly head to toe in paint.

"Do you wanna paint with us Mr. Croaker?" Celeste asked, waving a newly-orange hand at him.

"No, no.  I just came to make sure you two are okay.  It, uh, looks like you're in…competent hands so I'll leave.  Celeste, tell your mother I came by, will you?  Er, uh, see you later, James."

"Bye, Harold, and would you mind keeping this to yourself?"

"Why not?" he shrugged and exited just as quickly as he came.

*~*~*

**_February 1, 1979_****__**

"Gideon, for crying out loud!" James said in exasperation, throwing up his hands.

"Just because you _used to know her doesn't make her suitable for the Order now!  And if you're so sure of her character, why are you still living with Penelope?" Gideon Prewitt asked, rounding on James.  For the past week, since he had heard Lily muttering in fear during her nap, he had known she didn't want to go back to the Dark Lord.  Never.  Now it was only a matter of convincing his fellow members of the Order of the Phoenix._

"That's my own personal business," James snapped.  "Can't you just imagine how much information she would have about this?"

"Can't you imagine how hard it would be to get her to talk about it?" Elphias Doge questioned, ever practical despite his insanely large hat.  

"I'm sure she will."

"Rape victims don't just spout out information, you moron," Dorcas Meadowes spat.

James stopped in mid-spin.  "_What_?"

"You must have thought about that little tidbit of information."

"She _wasn't_ raped, Dorcas, your imagination is getting away with you."

"Check her files yourself.  You have access.  Rape was one of the things listed," Marlene McKinnon said idly.  "Bright boy like you can well imagine what hordes of lusty criminals would do to a pretty little girl like Lily."

James did indeed have a good idea and a very lurid imagination.  "Would you excuse me for a moment?" The thought of it revolted him to the point of sickness.  

"You okay?" Peter asked from outside the toilet.

"What do you think, dimwit?"

"It's the expected question, James."

"Don't you think I know that?" he asked, wrenching the door open, looking pale and shaky.  He slammed into the kitchen to find a glass of water which he hastily swallowed before rejoining the meeting.  The room fell strangely silent as he re-entered before Mad-Eye Moody spoke.

"We have to have proof before we can let her in."

"She came to St. Mungo's a week ago to have his mark removed." James studied his feet for a few moments, "She's terrified of being taken back.  She has her flat locked up tighter than Gringotts and Celeste gets in more trouble than the average child for speaking to strangers.  She's jumpy and guarded.  That's really all I can tell you."

"See if you can't get a little more information out of her," Mad-Eye suggested in his usual gruff manner.  

"What am I supposed to do, drug her?" James asked incredulously.

The stares all indicated the positive.

"No.  I refuse to.  It is not happening.  Why doesn't Remus just talk to her, she's best pals with him."

"I don't really-" Remus looked worried at the looks he was getting.  "Well, she's slept with him for Christ's sake!  Don't make me do it!"

"She won't talk to me…you two are bosom buddies.  I'm not doing it."

"You're the one who wants her in here.  I don't, it's too dangerous for her."

"I'm not-"

"Well, that's settled," Gideon said, speaking louder than anyone else in the room.  "James gets some information or she's not in.  Any objections?"

"Yeah!  Me!  I don't want to!"

"We all have to do things we don't want to.  Buckle down and get it done for the love of magic.  It's not like we're asking you to sleep with Mafalda Hopskirk.  Take one for the cause!"

"But, uh, she, uh, aww, crap.  What do I need to find out?" James relented, not looking forward to this at all.  

*~*~*

Reviewers:  torifire126, lilybird, RBFfreak22, mistocean, honey, Nicole, Kelsey, unicornjewel, HPfreak, zebragurl, luv-jinxy, Rebekkah, Rainfire, Julie Anna, dolphingurl, Cherie, The Elfin Child, Angelisa Snape, NattyNatterz, everblue3(great review, I loved it), LadyoftheLake, sapphireangel, Sweet lil Angel, laughoutloud, Perdolwen.

Wasn't OotP GREAT?!  I won't say who died just incase some poor soul hasn't read it yet.  I was shocked when I read the death, I had one of those 'you've got to be kidding' laughs.  When I read Harry's reaction, like with Luna at the end, I cried so hard.  Man that was a good book, it couldn't have been better in my opinion.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Disclaimer:  It's not mine

*~*~*

James had his eyes closed as he waited for the barrage of questions that would inevitably come from his wife.  Or mistress.  What the hell _was Penelope, anyway?  At this point, his exhausted brain couldn't decipher it anymore.  Everything was too complicated.  Maybe hibernation could become an option.  That really was a good idea.  Now what was Penny going to say?  _God, I need some aspirin.  Or double malt scotch.  Or both.  I'm an alcoholic!  Oh my GOD!_  James tugged at his hair in panic. He was going to make himself sick with all this worrying.  There was an abnormal amount of hair in his comb this morning; the stress was making him go bald! _

"…Do you even care what I'm saying?" Penelope asked, sounding rather testy as she drummed her fingers.  "I don't know _why you mentioned this if you're not even going to __listen."_

"I don't know why I bothered to tell you…it's not like I ever do anything right, anyway."

"James," Penelope sighed, running her hands through her hair in frustration.  He was being so complicated.  James hadn't been this dark and broody for days on end for months.  It was a common occurrence when she first met him, but she had thought those days were over.  Why did Lily have to come back and ruin everything for them?

And most importantly, why did this little group that James was in think that he _had_ to be the one to convert her over to their cause.  

That brought up the next question, and this one she voiced, "Why can she be in it, but you haven't even _asked me?"_

"She has things that are very valuable to our cause, Penelope.  It's my belief that she could be very beneficial, but they want to be sure she can be trusted first.  Now doubt _he knows about it by now, but it is important she doesn't go back to him."_

James had never given a name to go along with _he_, but Penelope has developed an inkling that Voldemort, known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, was that particular pronoun.  "What can she do?" Penelope asked with a small amount of jealousy tingeing her voice.

"I can't tell you, Penny.  I…I promised her…I can't."

"That's understandable; I can't expect you to betray her confidences, just as I would expect you to never betray mine.  Go talk to her."

James sighed in relief, not able to believe his good fortune.  "Isn't it a little late though?" he asked uncertainly.

"No…it's not.  Just go and get it over with.  Do you want to go to _La Rue_ when we're done?  Maybe go dancing and get a drink?"

He smiled lightly…no drinks.  "If I can drag myself.  Don't worry when you hear yelling; she'll hate this idea, and no doubt we'll have quite the quarrel.  I promise not to kill her, and hopefully she won't kill me, but there's no telling with Lily."

"Quite the woman, huh?" Penelope asked with sarcasm.

James gave one of those sorts of smiles people give when they don't want to answer questions, but when he shut the door behind him, he said aloud, "You have no idea."  Upon knocking on her door, it took several minutes for Lily to answer it, leading James to believe she wasn't at home.  So, he was quite unprepared when the door was cautiously opened, and there he was, standing there with his hands in his pockets looking like a moron.

"James," Lily observed flatly.  She was holding a sleeping Celeste in her arms, rocking her lightly.  "Isn't it a little late?"

"Yes, it is, but wait, don't shut the door!" James hastily stepped through her doorway as she tried to slam, or realistically, nudge it shut.  "I've already put this off too long.  I have to give a report of my findings at a meeting tomorrow night, and I-."

"I'm not interested in being a goldfish for your observance.  Please leave."

"It's not like that.  Lily, please, give me a chance here.  Just listen to my entire proposition."

Lily narrowed her eyes.  It was obvious both mother and daughter were ready for bed; Celeste was clad in a pair of pony pajamas while Lily had on shorts and a t-shirt, her hair damp from washing and her contacts taken out.  "Fine.  Have a seat."

James followed her into the living room, where he was surprised with the changes that had been made since the last time he was here.  It actually looked lived in now.  There were toys scattered around and tucked in corners, and there were books that were obviously Lily's stacked by a chair.  James took a pleasure in noting that it appeared to be a purely feminine domain, and while he was gloating, she was watching him impatiently.

"Did you want a tour, or are you going to get on with it?"

"Are you going to put Celeste to bed?"

"I rock her for precisely forty-five minutes.  It's been six."

"Oh.  Well…I suppose there's no easy way to do it, so I'll just get on with it, Lily.  Are you in any way allegiant to The Dark Lord?"

"_What_?" Lily hissed, "Are you out of your _mind_?"

"Well, I, uh, I had to ask before I can continue.  So you are not in any way considering returning to his forces?"

"I was _never on_ his forces, you dingbat!  I was his prisoner, or did you forget that I was _kidnapped_?  I assure you, being a pregnant woman in the midst of a house full of criminals is not exactly my idea of a good time!  You _idiot!"_

"That was deserved, I admit," James conceded meekly, hoping it would make his next task easier.  "As I'm sure you know, The Dark Lord has-."

"Why the crap do you people call him The Dark Lord?  His name is _Voldemort_.  Nobody called him The Dark Lord before."

"And you didn't say crap before…obviously things have changed."

"I'm taking Celeste over to Professor Figg's, I can tell I'll end up yelling."

"Why don't I take her over to Penny instead, I'm sure Araminta will we asleep by now."

"I think not," Lily said glacially.

"Then put her to bed."

"She needs to be rocked!  She has _always_ been rocked for forty-five minutes."

"Why forty-five?"

"That's how long I had."  
  


"What?   Did you have an enforced bedtime?"

"You don't want to know, I assure you."

"No, tell me, I want to know."

Lily stood up and started towards the door, obviously taking Celeste somewhere.  "That's how long I had until they came for me…fill in what happened next with your imagination.  I'll be back."

James sat in a shocked and a rather nauseated silence.

Lily knocked impatiently on the door to James and Penelope's flat and immediately stepped in when the door was opened.  "James said I could leave her here for a bit while he discusses I don't know what with me.  She needs to be rocked for precisely thirty-four more minutes.  I wouldn't have brought her, I assure you, except for the fact that I have the feeling that yelling is impending.  Don't worry, I'll try not to kill your husband, but if I do, you will be a very rich woman; he carries a splendid life-insurance policy that's good until 1985.  I'll be back."

"Errr…"

"Thank you, Penelope." Lily stalked back to her flat, fully prepared to wage war, raise Cain, stir up hell, and otherwise get into one whale of a fight.  "Now _what do you want?"_

"I want you to join an anti-Voldemort group that works aside from the government.  We have members in several fields, we have Ministry officials with us, Hogwarts teachers, shop-owners, and Healers, like myself."

"No."

"Don't you want to stop him?  Personal revenge for what happened to you?"

"I want him stopped, but I've paid my price, I'll let someone else do it.  I believe my life has been sufficiently ruined, and you have _no idea what happened to me, so don't pretend you do."_

"So tell me."

"I don't think so."

"You know my secret."

"And you obviously know one of mine, which is why you're here.  You've got my answer, so get the hell out."

"You can't say hell."

"I just did, and I'll say a lot more four-lettered words if you don't get out of my sight right now."

"Lily, Lily, calm down," James soothed, rising as she did to grab her arms softly.  He felt her shaking violently under his grip, but James didn't know what the cause was.  "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

"James, stop it.  I don't need you anymore.  Just please leave me alone?'

"No, I can't.  I realize that is what you want, but the Order assigned me to this, and we need you.  You can help us stop him, so more people aren't hurt.  Do you want other women to be taken like you were?  Do you want to see parentless children?  That's what is happening every single day."

"Don't you think I _know what's going on?  I lived it!  I saw the people he brought in!  I don't want to remember it anymore.  He __knows what I can do…that's the only reason I didn't completely lose my mind in there, and that's the _only_ reason he can't get me again!  Please…don't make me do it, James, _please_, _don't_!" Lily cried in anguish._

James wasn't expecting this reaction, but he reacted the only way he knew how; he hugged her, letting her cry against his jumper.

Lily didn't _want_ to think about what she was doing at the moment.  The stable and comfortable warmth of his arms around her seemed to make her breathe easier.  She knew he would let go when she needed him to and that she was physically safe with him. Lily had never been emotionally safe around him, and she suspected that his was no exception.  She relaxed, savoring the comfort that another adult was able to give her.  Lily was completely undone by the familiar scent that James still carried-vanilla and sterilizing agents.  James would put vanilla in anything possible.  The thought made her smile reluctantly.

James, seeing this as a promising sign, tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear as he leaned down slightly.  He grinned as he registered the height difference; Lily being a good five inches taller than Penelope.

"I-ummphmm."

Lily leaned into him, shivering as the memories of a thousand similar kisses raced through her mind.  Things felt so singularly perfect until James's hand moved slightly, making her aware of what exactly she was doing.  She jumped back hastily, separating the two of them by the coffee table in the middle of the room.  Lily put her hand over her mouth, trying not to start crying again.  "Please leave me alone."

"Do you really want that?"

"I do…I need you to leave me alone."

"Lily, I-."

"James, leave!  Please, just leave me alone."

"But, I-."

"I'm going to go get Celeste.  Please be ready to leave by the time I get back."

"Wait!" James grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking out as was her goal, "What about the group?"

"Do you trust me to actually be in it?"

"I have no doubts, and once the rest of them meet you, I'm sure they won't either."

"Let me think about it.  I'll drop by your flat tomorrow to tell either you or Penelope."

"I'll have to accept that."

"Yes, you will," Lily said firmly, and hastily left James standing behind her as she went to get her daughter.

*~*~*

Well, here's the new chapter.  I know it took awhile, but I had a personal crisis, and that's about the only explanation I have.  I don't feel like this is my best work, but I'm tired and ready to finally get this over with.  Thank you for all the excellent reviews, they are an excellent pick me up after a sucky day.  I got a lot of reviews for this chapter, woohoo!

Reviewers:

Torifire126-again with the bubbly feeling.

AmandaTate-Hopefully it will be sorted out with time.

Katie-I guarantee you there will be zero catfights.

Rainfire-She grows on me too.  Lily's mark was on her temple, not her wrist. 

DayDreamer-Whoa!  What a review!  Will you marry me?  Celeste is between two and three years old, and Lily was in captivity for 2 years, 8 months.  James is 25, Lily is 23.  Not everyone was as the meeting.  Remember when Moody told Harry that that picture was the only time they were all together, well, that's not the time the picture was taken.  I've got my dates sorted out, don't worry.  I think I should do more with the order too.

RBFfreak22-You'll find out slowly but surely.

Nicole-*wink*

Tina-No idea.

Celine-no, you can't.

Zebragurl-rape it is.

LadyoftheLake-Oil is far too good for her.

Lilbird-You write Just Curious, don't you?

Ljpottafreak- James has got to make sure Lily won't go back to Voldemort…loyalty is essential.  You've been doing a lot of thinking, it appears.

Natty Natterz-She's a woman, it's our job to be stubborn!

Awesome Job, Natalie, Katelyn*8, JazzNsane4eva, Jessey, Clare, Nike25, Erriy, Elassar, Melissa, unicornjewel, Melissa, Lily, hpandkiki, CarmenSandiego, dolphingurl, Love, Life Sanity, Angelisa Snape, Bon, Kelly, MegHart, punkchiclosr6078, lilyflower1989, tash, Julie Anna, The Elfin child, Lexie, Trish, luv-jinxy, Anarane Anwamane, Mistocean, 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Lily looked around nervously, crumpling the paper in her hand.  She had been given a paper by James with _Sixteen Gilnela Boulevard_ written on it.  It had taken nearly the entire walk with James for the address to register:  It was James's family home.  He had delivered the news that his parents had died a year and a half ago with little emotion, but that didn't surprise her.  James's inner hardness had become apparent the first time she actually met him, and although it had softened for her, nothing had changed for his parents.  Now, though, she was stuck waiting in the kitchen for James to come and get her for her introduction.  He had actually left her in the entryway, but a familiar House-Elf had ushered her into the kitchen, remembering her 'Young Miss'.

Things hadn't changed much:  the kitchen, untouched by and of the Mrs. Potters, was decorated in the eclectic preference of the three House-Elves who worked in it.  Lily lovingly ran her hands over the old, scarred oak kitchen table that had once been the family dining table, but was now retired.  She had put a few scars of her own into it when she took a very limited amount of cooking lessons before she finally gave up.  James had fully encouraged it when she nearly cut her hand off.  

"Hey, Lily?" Remus asked, sticking his head in the doorway.  "Ready?"

"Re-Remus?  You're here, too?"

"Almost all of us are here today.  We're deciding if we're going to vote in a new member, this is a big event.  Besides, could I let you face the bull with just James and Sirius at your side?  I think not!"

Lily laughed ruefully, "Thanks a mil."

"I do try."

Remus warmly led her into what used to be a large family room, but was now set up in rows of chairs with a large desk at the front, a chalkboard, and a chair which seemed especially for her.  

Nobody appeared to be there, even Remus disappeared once they were in the room.  Feeling panicked, Lily started backing out, and would have completely left if James hadn't appeared behind her, and began propelling her forward.  He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "They're under invisibility spells for their safety.  In case you don't get in, they're positions aren't revealed."

"This feels ridiculous."

"I know, I had to do the same thing.  Sirius and Remus will take their charms off, and I won't put mine on.  Come on, Lily.  Quit being a wimp."

"I am not a wimp."

"Prove it."

"I will," she snapped out, and stalked toward the chair stationed for her.  Lily crossed her legs angrily, ready to pick a fight.  James seemed to have that effect on her lately.

"Please state your legal name and age for our records," a voice to her right said.  It was deep and raspy, as if from someone very old and not exceptionally healthy.

Lily was startled, hearing voices but having no face to place it to was very disconcerting.  "Er, Lily Adelle Evans-Potter, that's hyphenated, and I'm twenty-three years old.   I'm going to have my name legally changed though, so you can strike out the Potter if you want."  Lily didn't dare look at James.

"Very well.  Why do you think you would be a contributing member of The Order of the Phoenix?  You have no job to give us inside connections to, and James has told us that you have no connections with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"I, well, I thought you knew."

"We have to have your own admission.  Why do you believe you should be one of us?"

"I…I, well, I have a gift for Legilimency and Occlumency.  I'm really fairly good at it.  I always have been."

James remembered the first time she had told him that, he had been shocked, and then suspicious, wondering what she knew about him, and then reluctantly admiring.  Whispers went around the room, and James could imagine people turning to one another, smiling and making excited exclamations.  Lily could indeed be very useful.

"How do you think this could help us?  Do you have a connection with The Dark Lord?"

"No more than anybody else," Lily said, bristling at the implication that she had a special relationship with him.  "However, I do know that I can get inside his mind on occasions, usually only when he's sleeping or really very preoccupied.  He always knows though.  I can definitely block him from my own mind, so I think there's very little risk to me."

"Can you read his present thoughts at all?  I understand it's very rare, but sometimes it can occur."

"Not very often.  I can only do it if I concentrate only on that, and I don't have to worry about interruptions.  You must understand I didn't have the opportunity many times, so I'm no expert.  It's also very exhausting and upsetting to me, I don't enjoy it at all."

"Thank you.  Do you have anything else to add to the matter, ma'am?"

"No, nothing at all.  Shall I step out of the room for a vote or something?"

"Just a few more questions.  Would you be willing to answer a few questions about your allegiance to The Dark Lord under Veritaserum?"

"May I have the questions you're planning to ask in writing first?  I would rather not divulge personal information."

"Fine, fine, fine."  

Lily listened to the scratching sound of a quill against parchment.  It soon appeared to float over to her.  "This is fine," she consented, "however I expect you to stick to this faithfully."

"We will.  I assure you, our intent is honorable with the good of the Order as our sole intent.  Just a few sips are necessary."

Lily accepted a small teacup, looking between it and the front row warily.  James, Sirius, Remus, and now Peter, being a late arrival, were all smiling at her.  Peter waved happily at seeing her for the very first time.  Sirius made a funny face and Remus smiled reassuringly, looking very calm.  James was watching her intently, and when he saw that she was looking at him, he winked.  Figuring that if neither of the four of them were leaping out of their chairs to knock it out of their hands, or at the very least looking hesitant, she was safe.  

Lily felt the cool burn of Veritaserum slide down her throat, and then a light-headedness settled.  

"Mrs. Potter, we will begin now," that same voice said slowly and clearly, as if talking to a child.  Lily reflected that that was how she talked to Celeste when she was being complicated.  

"Okay."

"Are you a Death Eater under cover?"

"No, I am not."

"Have you ever willingly helped He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"

"No, I have never helped Voldemort if I could avoid it."  Lily was dimly aware of whispers again, and she sort of felt like she was drunk.

"Given the chance, would you rejoin The Dark Lord and his forces?"

"Never."

"Do you harbor feelings, romantic or otherwise, for him?"

"I hate him," Lily said violently, putting more force into it than she meant to, and she gritted her teeth.

"Would you willingly join our Order and participate in our activities whole-heartedly?"

"No.  I will never be near Voldemort again, I refuse.  If one of the things you would want me to do is sneaking into his residence, I won't."

"Very well, that's all.  I think that if you'll step outside, Lily, we'll vote." 

Lily nodded, and shakily left the room; Veritaserum really _did_ make you feel intoxicated.  She slid down the wall, eagerly anticipating when her mind would be fully her own again and she could lie.  Then again, maybe she was lying too much.  It had really become a habit with her lately, and come to think of it, so had babbling.  She had also become an excessive coffee-induldger, part-time smoker, and finger-drummer.  

Inside the room, invisibility spells were taken off, and a great amount of rustling and comparing with neighbors were being done.  

"Do we have any discussion before this taken to a vote?"  The raspy voice, now placed to the body of Gideon Prewitt, not an old man but a heavy smoker.  "None?  Very well, raise your right hand if you wish to induct Lily Adelle Evans-Potter, that's hyphenated, into The Order of the Phoenix.  Very well, hands down.  Raise your right hand if you are against the addition.  Very well.  Lily Adelle Evans-Potter is now an official member of The Order of The Phoenix by an eleven to three vote by the present quorum.  James, could you give her an understanding of our rules and policies?  If there is no further business, let's adjourn."

*~*~*

Lily walked down the road hastily, trying desperately to be quicker than James.  Maybe she could make the first portkey time, and he wouldn't, and she could completely avoid him.  That would be really, _really beneficial right now.  But then, she couldn't smoke around Celeste, and Professor Figg had consented to take care of her as long as she needed to.  Immediately changing directions, Lily started digging in her purse for a lighter and that small, rectangular box, and began searching for a coffee shop.  Two vices being fulfilled at once, how excellent._

"Since when do you smoke?"

Lily jumped at the voice behind her, and inwardly groaned.  "Are you my chaperone?"

"Apparently you need one.  That's a bad, disgusting, and very unhealthy habit." James plucked the cigarette from her fingers and tossed it on the pavement as he walked beside her.  "My next guess, knowing you the way I do, is that you're heading towards a coffee shop.  It's not a good habit, but it won't kill you."

"Thanks for the advice.  Don't you have someplace you need to be?"

"Not really.  Penny's working the late shift…"

Whatever else James said was drowned out as Lily ground her teeth.  "Would you just shut up?"

He was taken aback.  _What_ had brought that about?

"I am so sick of this entire thing.  I don't know what you think you're doing, but I want it to stop."

"Want what to stop?" James asked in confusion, ruffling his hair nervously, something he hadn't done in ages around Lily. 

"You hang around me, tell me what to do like you're my husband, flirt with me like you've got a crush on me, and then go home and eat dinner with _Penelope_.  I hate it the way you act like you know me, but you don't, James, not anymore, not at all."

James stood there, staring pensively as she glowed in her anger, obviously pent up.  "Why don't you tell me about it?"

"About _what?"_

"About what happened.  I think that might be the first step for smoothing things over between us.  That way, I'll know what to avoid, and what I can help you with."

"Why do you want to smooth things over between us, James?" Lily asked in a low voice.  "Have you forgotten that you're married to Pen-wait.  Technically, you're married to _me.  Not her.  Instead of a divorce decree, you had a death certificate, and look who isn't dead?  So technically, you're __living with her.  Okay, so as a revision, have you forgotten that you're living with Penelope?  There is no point of trying to smooth things over, James.  I don't feel that we're hostile toward each other, maybe we're friends, I don't care.  I'm going to a solicitor tomorrow, and I'm getting the legal divorce papers drawn up, and you'll be served as soon as possible.  That way, you can marry Penelope, and I can start piecing my life together.  Without you, James, so stay out." Lily started walking away again, digging once again for her cigarette stash, this time to annoy him._

"Lily, _stop it_," James said sharply, making her pause.  He grabbed the entire pack from her and stuck them in his own pocket.  "Maybe I should be one of the pieces in you life."

*~*~*

AWWW, cutesy!  Okay, I'm leaving in approximately seven hours for vacation, so see you guys in a couple of weeks.  I don't have time to list the reviews, but a special thanks to everblue3 for the awesome review, it was really great.

I have a rather bit storyline revelation, but I didn't really have time to work with it this time, but I will next time. Adieu!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

"Lily, _stop it_," James said sharply, making her pause.  He grabbed the entire pack from her and stuck them in his own pocket.  "Maybe I should be one of the pieces in you life."

Lily froze and stared down at her wrist.  While her eyes absorbed the image of his large hand wrapped around hers, she was examining every possible flaw with his proposal.  There were too many.  "Define that, please."

"I think there are too many things between us for you to pick up a life without me.  You're withholding too many things from me, Lily.  I cannot with good consciousness, let you divorce me without answers."

"But you'll let me divorce you?" Lily asked coolly.  Obviously she had overestimated their past.  

James stared at her silently, and that had more of an effect on her than most words he could have used.  His silence was similar to Albus Dumbledore's, it supplied you with the answers to your questions, and many times, it wasn't the answer you particularly wanted to hear.  It also made her remember so many, many things.  Then Lily made the fatal mistake of looking up into his eyes.  They were captivating and binding.  

"Lily?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why don't we go get something to eat?  I think we should talk."

"No, James.  Not tonight, some other time," she said slowly, as if she wasn't really there, but merely a spectator.  Lily walked away and apparated to her building, and sat down for some serious thinking while Celeste slept fitfully.

*~*~*

"How did it go?" Penelope asked as James walked in the door.  She wasn't working the late shift at all; instead she was reading in a chair with a blanket thrown over her lap, tea steaming beside her.  This was what James had imagined and wanted when he had married again-someone to be there when he got home, someone to keep him from feeling the darkness that seemed to be pressing nearer each day.  

"Hello.  It…went.  Is the entire world well or what?"

"What.  I decided I needed to spend some time with you, I feel like there has been a growing chasm between us ever since Lily was found.  I thought maybe we could spend the evening together, do whatever you wanted to do.  Dinner, dancing, a movie, whatever you want.  Or we could just stay in." Penelope smiled, looping her arms around his neck, "And I think I'm ready?"

"For what?" James asked blankly.

"I'm twenty-seven, James.  My career is stable, is as yours.  I believe now would be a perfect time to start a family."

"Oh my God," James muttered.  _Why_ did this have to happen now?

"I think it's logical, James. We need to move on, sweetheart.  I didn't really realize how short life could be.  A lady my age died of cancer today.  She wasn't a patient of mine, of course, but I was one of the few mediwitches unoccupied when she went into shut-down.  Her husband was all alone, they waited to have children too, they thought they had forever."

He couldn't speak, there were no words for his emotions.  It was too much too late.  Penelope leaned back and studied James, her clear blue eyes seeking his hazel ones.  She gave a slight smile, "I'm losing you, aren't I, James?"

James kissed her forehead and held her close, sighing as she rested her face against his chest.

"I always knew I had to compete with a ghost, and I thought that that was hard, but the real woman is too much.  I didn't realize it until I was too late.  I didn't accept the possibility that you could try to have her again.  The odds were never with me, though."

"Penelope…I think I should leave."

"No, James stay," she said, and James watched helplessly as a tear slid down her cheek.  She knew she had lost, but she had too much pride to sob or scream or even get mad at him.  "Why don't you think about it for a couple days first?  You can have the spare bedroom."

"I-I'm truly sorry," James said, closing his eyes, feeling deep regret.

"I know, and I am too.  Just think of my rotten luck, I chose the only man in the world immune to my Veela charm…it's even more rotten I had to fall in love with you."

"It's equally rotten I'm not in love with you.  I love you, Penny, and I expect that won't change, but I'm not _in_ love with you.  I should have done something sooner, but I didn't want to have to make a command decision like that."

"And I didn't want to do anything about the situation.  It was easier to think that it wouldn't matter that she came back.  I…James, I just want you to be happy, and if it's with her instead of me, I can't stand in your way.  After all, she was your first choice.  She's a good person, isn't she?"

"One of the very best."

"If I'm to be upstaged, then it should only be by the best.  I won't deny that I hate it though."

"You deserve someone that can love you without being haunted by a ghost of the past that isn't really a ghost, Penny.  I'm not that someone."

"I think I know that now."

*~*~*

Lily had a list of things she needed to do that she had been putting off, and three of them were rather important.  One was easily accomplished, it had only taken about an hour with her solicitor to arrange for a divorce…grounds of adultery and estrangement.  James would be given the papers in three days.   It was rather ironic, it had taken months for their wedding to be arranged and carried off, hours to be divorced.  The next was also rather easy, contacting her best friends…or former best friends.  It would be rather interesting to know what was keeping them away.

The last was a family matter-she had to visit her sister.

So it was that Lily finally made the plunge after her morning appointment with the solicitor.  She got out of a hired car at number four, Privet Drive, and knocked firmly three times on the door.  It was opened by Vernon Dursley, her sister Petunia's husband.  "Hello, Vernon."

"Lil-Lily," he stuttered, turning purple with shock.  "My Lord, I thought you were dead!"

"You and the rest of the world.  Is Petunia here?"

"I'm sorry, she-."

"Vernon, I know we stopped talking, but I think this is a notable exception.  I'm the last person in her family, not counting yours, of course."

"Of course.  I, well, I suppose, but I don't know…"

"I'll wait in the living room, Vernon."

Lily seated herself on the oldest looking piece of furniture, a chair that had been here when she lived with them, and waited quietly, wringing her hands nervously.  At a slight noise, she saw her sister standing in the doorway, looking like she had seen a ghost.  In a way, she had.  "Petunia."

"_Lily_!"  Petunia rushed at her sister, and Lily met her halfway in a tight hug.  "That awful boy told me you were dead!  I thought he probably killed you himself!"

"No, Petunia, James had nothing to do with it.  It was all Voldemort's fault, James was blameless."

"That's a first.  Are-are you okay?"

"As good as could be expected, I think.  Petunia, I know you can't forgive me, and I'm not going to ask.  I just wanted you to know that I'm okay and that I love you."

"You still haven't learned your lesson, have you?" Petunia asked coolly, obviously put off.

"I don't think I ever will.  I'll see you, Petunia.  Good-bye."

"Good-bye.  Be careful."

"I always am."

*~*~*

The meeting with her sister left Lily expectedly sad and lethargic; a cup of coffee and a slice of toast sounding like a delectable way to wrap up the evening.  Surprisingly, though, it seemed to work for Celeste also, who muttered about not being hungry.  As she watched her daughter sleep restless, tossing and rolling over on her blanket in the living room, Lily felt guilty.  She had been so preoccupied with her own problems that she had foisted Celeste off on Professor Figg, who seemed glad enough to take her.  

Lily's guilt increased as she decided Celeste must be coming down with a cold or something, the toddler's face becoming flushed with a low fever.  She hastily made a Pepper Up potion and had to spoon feed it.  Her guilt turned to alarm, however, when Celeste started making wheezing noises in the middle of the night, audible from Lily's own room.  When she went to check on her, the alarm escalated right to panic.  Celeste's face was sweaty and pale and slightly tinged with blue.

Without hesitation, she raced from her flat and next door to James's, where she started pounding on the door as hard and she could.  "James!  Penelope!  Wake up, it's an emergency!  Hurry quickly!"

A rather wild-looking James answered the door, still wearing day clothes, but looking worried.  "Lily!  What's wrong, are you okay?"

"Celeste isn't, hurry James!  Or maybe I need Penelope, I don't know.  I don't think she can breathe, please help her!" Lily pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tugged on James's hand.  

"Just one second, let me get my wand and some medicine." James ran from the door and she could hear the sound of glass bottles being hit together, and then a loud shout of, "Penny!  Celeste is sick, help me!"

Lily, still standing in the doorway, saw Penelope quickly run out of what was presumably a bedroom, her hair perfect even just rising.  James came out first, his arms full of a large bag of medicine and his wand.  "What's wrong with her?"

"She hasn't been sleeping well for a couple days, and she didn't eat much today, and she had a fever, and she started wheezing, and she's sort of blue!  I just thought she had a cold, so I made her a Pepper Up potion!"

"That was an excellent thing to do," James said distractedly, coming to kneel beside Celeste, frowning.  Penelope rushed in an incredibly long minute later, and she too started examining Celeste.  After that, Lily couldn't see what they were doing, and the tears didn't help much either.

"Lily, we're going to have to take her to St. Mungo's," Penelope said, standing with Celeste in her arms.  

Lily glanced to James for confirmation, and he nodded.  "Lord Hubert's doesn't have the pediatric staff that St. Mungo's has.  I can oversee her treatment that way."

"O-Okay."  Lily heard Celeste's wheezing in the silence of the room and watched helplessly and as Penelope whisked her out.  "I need to be going with her."

"It can wait a minute, Lily.  Penny can get her admitted easily, you can get your things first."

Lily did just that; she crammed her feet into a pair of already laced sneakers and grabbed per purse, and James was waiting on her.  This time, she didn't mind his steadying hand against his back, and she honestly didn't notice it much.  Once at the hospital, Lily was given a piece of paper to fill out about Celeste's medical history, and she took it blindly, letting James lead her to a corridor outside the ward he said Celeste would be in.  The chairs were filled, and many people were sitting on the floor, so Lily did the same, James sliding down nest to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Lily started filling out the paper, getting nervous. "James, all this information is confidential, right, they can't tell anyone, can they?"

"No, they can't."

"And do I have to fill it all out?"

"If it has an asterisk beside it, you do." James was staring curiously down at the paper.  "It's for her benefit, you know.  They can check for family illnesses," he said.

"I…oh God." Lily filled in the patient's name and address blanks, and then she saw the ominous little words:  _Father's Name_.

Trying to shield the paper from view as best as she could, Lily put the quill against the parchment.

"You do realize I have access to that piece of paper?"

"You wouldn't," Lily said through gritted teeth.

"I definitely would."

Sighing, Lily sat the quill against the parchment, and listened as it emitted an irritating scratching noise.

*~*~*

A/N:  I'm back!  I actually got back a few days ago, but I had a million and a half things to do when I got home.  Since I wasn't working, I got a lot accomplished, my favorites being completely cleaning my room, which includes throwing away stuff that I never use and vacuuming.  I also completely redid my website, I encourage you to look at it, I like it about a million times more now.  My vacation was great, except for being lost about 1/3 of it.  Seriously, we got lost in Gettysburg, Boston, and Canada.  In Canada we got lost lost.  Even my dad asked for directions.  My big revelation was put off for another chapter.  It has to do with the intro of a character, but it would have made this chapter too cluttered.  So no guarantees when it'll be.  Okay, now for the reviewers, I had some good ones.

Glitteringlion; ty-fan-06, LiannesLily, Katelyn*8, Slythie Diva Anna, B. Nonymous, everblue3, Saiyoness Angelisa Snape, kantomon, RBFfreak22, EbonyQuill, hpandkiki, Julie Anna, Kelly, Kelly, Jessie xxx, izzybelle4line, maria, none, The Elfin Child, cara-melissa, rainfire, Trish28, Nicole, maddy, dolphingurl1, Kira6.

I have a special thanks for nattynatterz who read this chapter for me and reassured me that my Penelope thing wasn't stupid.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

As she scribbled the name, hoping it would be illegible, she heard James's swift intake of breath, and she could feel him tensing beside her.  "I will _kill him."_

"I don't see any reason for you to, James.  If you're going to snoop, you might as well do a thorough job of it," she snarled at him, scrawling another name, and then thrusting the clipboard at him in disgust.  "Go tattoo it on your arm, you pretentious git."

James grabbed it eagerly and read it, not at all ashamed.  However, he was _entirely shocked to see the form._

**Father's Name:**_ Regulus Black_

**Mother's Name:**_ Alaina Wilkes_

"What the crap is this?" James asked in indignation.

"I believe it is a medical form, Mister Healer.  If you don't mind, I believe I'll go give it to the desk now." Lily actually had to wrestle it away from him to return it to the witch who was looking on curiously.  She grabbed the front of James's robes when she sat back down, and snarled at him rather violently, "If you say a single bloody word about this to anybody, I swear to whatever higher form there is that I will _kill_ you with my own wand.  It won't be pleasant either.  Do _not_** make me lose Celeste."**

"Why would you lose her?  She's our daughter, isn't she?" James asked coolly.  "I think you miss-marked the form; shall I go get it again?"

Lily stared at him, shock evident on her face.  He would do this for her?  "I…Please."

James nodded, and he walked quickly back up to the desk and began talking emphatically with an older witch there, who was shaking her head.  He stayed for several minutes before he walked back.  "It's no good, she already processed it.  The old hag, what the hell is she doing?  Sitting on her hands until someone walks up?"

"Evidently."

"You should have _said something to me, Lily.  You could have lied, you know."_

"So you just want to claim random children?  I can probably scrape up a few for you."

"I wanted to do it for you."

"Penelope would not have liked it."

James shrugged, "I'm moving out."

"How nice," she said indifferently, sliding down the wall and burying her face in her hands.  "Are they going to take Celeste from me, James?"

"They'll probably try."

"Why couldn't you have just said no?"

"I thought you wanted the truth, I very seldom lie to you.  Don't worry about it, though, Lily.  You just have to wait and see if any child services are alerted…or The Daily Prophet.  If they are, we'll make the next step."

"James…just stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop acting like you care, like you want to help…it's too late."

"Fine.  May I ask why you are taking care of two Death Eater's child?"

"Regulus is dead.  Alaina is a spy for Voldemort and doesn't have time to take care of a child.  I was a random female trying to get over the loss of her own baby, it made sense.  James, why does no one say his name anymore?"

"They're scared of him.  He is terrorizing people, no matter who they are, and you don't know who is next.  Some people thought that they could just ignore him, so if they didn't recognize him, it would just all go away.  You know the saying, all it takes is good men lying down."

"What about you?  How do you feel about it?"

"I think I have the right to say someone's name if they took my wife away from me.  I'm not going to run down the street shouting it, but he doesn't scare me anymore.  I believe he's done the worst he can do to me."

"Have you ever seen him?"

"Yes, I have.  Twice."

"Why?"

"Just because.  Maybe I'll tell you sometime over dinner."

"Wouldn't _that_ be wonderful conversation."

"I thought it might draw you to dinner."

"I don't really think that would appropriate dinner conversation.  I don't actually think dinner in itself would be appropriate."

"I'm not exactly one for the rules of society."

"As I'm well aware, but I am, as you are well aware.  James, are you uncomfortable around me?"

"Pardon?"

"Are you uncomfortable being around me when we have no definitive relationship status?  We're not friends, we're soon to be ex-spouses, and we don't really have a common factor.  Personally, I've never been in that situation with you, so I'm uncomfortable and I want to know if it's a mutual feeling."

James sat for a minute, staring at the floor between his feet.  "No, I'm not uncomfortable.  I just feel happy that you're not dead and that I have a chance."

"You don't have a chance, James."

"I didn't have a chance with a dead woman.  This situation is filled with possibilities.  Lily, there's a chapel on the fifth floor if you would like to go."

"I don't pray anymore, James.  I'm just as lost as you are."

"Somehow, I don't believe that.  I think we could have a great talk once Celeste is well again.  Since she _is the reason we're here, why don't I go check on her?  I'll see if I can get you in to see her."_

Lily nodded and rested her chin on her knees, feeling the adrenaline that kept her going trickle away.  Looking curiously down the length of the corridor, she saw many people doing the same, young and old alike.  Most of the people were looking around with a disheartened expression, appearing as if the entire world had been thrust on their already-sore shoulders.  Several were crying, a few in sobs, most just had tears trickling down their cheeks.  Some were talking quietly, a few fervently.  An old woman was fingering the beads of her rosary, her head bowed and her lips moved without words.  It was that old woman who caught her interest, looking so calm and assured that Lily longed for the same feeling.  

Very quickly, a young, tired looking man sat down next to her, handing her a small cup.  The lady, because this was undoubtedly a great woman, didn't pause.

Lily's curiosity was piqued by now; she couldn't keep herself from staring.  She began concocting reasons for their appearance at the children's ward, and she had decided that the woman's grandchild, the young man's child, was there.

"May I help you?"

She jumped guiltily, blushing because she had been caught staring.  "I-I'm sorry.  I just…you seemed…content."

"I can't change what is going to happen, it's out of my hands," she said quietly.  "Do you have a child here?"

"Yes…my daughter.  Her name is Celeste.  She's three, and I don't know what's wrong with her."

"What is your name and I'll add you in my prayers."

"Thank you…that's wonderful.  My name is Lily Evans."

"_Lily_?" the man hissed, looking absolutely shocked.

This made her look again at the man she had initially dismissed, his tired countenance blending in with all the rest.  The thick, brown beard offset her, but then she noticed his classic aqua eyes, and a grin flitted across her face.  Lily sighed in pure happiness, "Amos Diggory?  It's you, right?"

"As always."

Lily jumped up seconds after Amos and met him in a hug, forgetting her disgust of being touched for the friendly comfort of his enfolding hug.  "Oh, God, I've missed you so much."

"Not half as much as I've missed you.  I thought you were..._dead."_

"Haven't you seen the paper?  I'm really back, I wasn't dead, just captured, but I'm okay.  I kept expecting either you or Millie to come and visit me, but nobody besides James's friends ever came.  Even Peter has visited me by now.  I guess this is why, though, right?" she asked, pulling away from him to watch his face.  The gentle planes of it were so familiar, but changed.

"It's Dominic's wife, Jilly.  She's pregnant, but there's something wrong.  We've been here for the past month."

"Where's Dominic?"

"He was killed…two months ago, it was You-Know-Who.  The Healers don't think Jilly or the baby will live, either one.  Tessa is taking care of Cedric for the time being."

"Who's that?"

"Their other child.  Little boy, the cutest thing ever.  But that's my sad story, and I can only guess how revolting yours is, so you don't need to hear the drama of my life."

"I don't mind, Amos, I know how it goes.  It's just nice to have a friend with me…it's very nice." Lily smiled as she hugged him again, but his arms didn't go around her a second time.  "I'm sorry."

"No…don't be.  It's just that…" Amos trailed off, looking over her shoulder, and Lily turned to do the same.  She saw James _glowering at them mutinously, a cup of coffee in his hands.  To say the least, James had never approved of her relationship with Amos, and vice versa, so it was only a mild surprise.  It was rather unbelievable that he would have the sheer nerve to even have an opinion of any sort of friendship she may or may not have._

"Diggory," James said tersely, nodding in Amos's direction.  "They're doing one more preliminary test before they give a definite treatment and you can see her.  So basically, by the time you walk down there, you can go in."

"Thank you!  Amos, I've got to go...do you have something to write with?" Lily procured a Muggle pen from her own purse and a slip of paper from James's endless pockets and hastily scribbled on it.  "This is my address, owl me or stop by or anything."

"I will."

Lily walked a few steps behind James as he led her down a series of corridors, noticing he still had the barest of limps.  She knew that she would see an angry-colored red mark diagonally across his knee.  "Is she going to be okay?"

"Ask the Healer."

"I assumed you knew."

"Do I look like was in there treating her?" he asked coolly, not turning to look at her.  "I was sitting out there with you."

"You do realize I don't care that you're mad at me."

"I am not mad at you."

"So why are you acting like a complete ass all of a sudden…wait, that's not a sudden development, is it?"

"I'm ignoring that crass comment."

"Whatever.  How far do I have to walk?  Do they keep her in the north forty?"

"She's contagious, you dimwit."

"_Excuse me_?  Contagious?  What in the hell is wrong with her?"

"Dragon Pox."

"But I can see her?"

"Death Eaters are given immunity to it with the Dark Mark."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"That you were treated like a Death Eater.  Listen, Lily, I am not going to walk on eggshells around you, so you might as well stop expecting it.  Can't you just go in there and do your '_I'm a good mother' thing?"_

"Go to hell."

"Just go in there."

Lily did go in there, and she saw Celeste swathed in warm blankets to her chin, still shivering uncontrollably.  There was a MediWitch hovering over her, handing her a small cup of something.  "Celeste?"

"Mummy!" the small child said with a weak sort of mewling sound.  Lily rushed forward to hug her daughter, but a sharp, loud voice interrupted her.

"Mrs. Potter, please step away from Celeste Black."

*~*~*

A/N:  For anyone who hasn't figured this out, kudos to Nicole for being the first, The Haphazard Ruse is a sequel to When Dawn Breaks The Night.  At the moment it is independent, but to know how Lily and James got together, and their history for future sidelines, reading WDBTN is necessary.

For anyone who is interested, I have a new fic, The Trouble With Being Perfect.  It's an OotP based fic from James's POV.  I personally like it, it's rather funny.

Anyway, my birthday was great, thanks for all the well-wishers.  I can see my writing is going to slow down considerably; I am so busy with school and volleyball right now.  I do have some exciting news though, I got those awesome neon lights under my car, they are magnificent.  


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**_Part Two:  Dawn Rediscovered_**
    
    Rise, tardy Sun! and let the Songster prove
    
    (The balance trembling between night and morn               1
    
    No longer) with what ecstasy upborne
    
    He can pour forth his spirit. In heaven above,
    
    And earth below, they best can serve true gladness
    
    Who meet most feelingly the calls of sadness.
    
    -William Wordsworth

Lily turned toward the voice, her smile at seeing Celeste fading a bit.  "It's okay, James says I would have had immunization against Dragon Pox during my time with captivity, don't worry about me."

"Your safety is not our concern; our primary affairs are with Celeste Black, child ID 680798620-B.  Only those with legal authority are allowed in here, and with the filling out of those medical papers, you have confessed the parentage of 680798620-B.  In the absence of both legal parents, 680798620-B is now in the custody of The Magical Entity of Great Britain.  Would you please step outside now?" The question was asked by a utilitarian-looking woman in her later years, but she didn't seem to mean any ill will at all.

I…but why?" Lily asked, her mind only dimly grasping the situation.

"It's the law, Mrs. Potter, the law."

"I've taken care of her since the very moment she was born. I am her mother."

"I'm sorry, but according to this, Alaina Wilkes would be the mother of 680798620-B."

"Stop referring to her as if she were a television set!" here the woman looked puzzled, but Lily continued, "She is a little girl who is sick, and I am the only person in the world she knows and isn't scared of!"

"Mrs. Potter, would you please leave the room quietly?  If not, I'll have to request that hospital security escort you off the premises."

Lily's mouth moved without words, and her chest felt like it was drawing in upon itself.  Celeste seemed to realize her mother was going to leave, and reached out her hands and started crying.  Lily glanced up to the woman to see if she dared give the child a final hug, and she received a brief nod which she took for a go-ahead.  She tenderly drew her daughter into her arms, hugging her close.  "Celeste, Mummy has to leave for a little bit, but I'll see you again as soon as I can.  Don't be scared, though, you're safe forever.  I love you."

"Love you too." Lily felt a hand on her elbow, and she took it as a signal to leave.  She did so, being in a rather trance-like stake.  Nothing seemed entirely real or tangible at the moment.  The furniture in the corridor appeared to float three feet from the ground.  By the time she made it to the main waiting hall, Lily was breathing in deep gasps.  James was waiting for her at the connecting doorway, but he wasn't a source of comfort that she was particularly craving, but she at least knew she was safe with him.  "She's gone," she breathed.  "I can't see her.  They're taking her.  My God.  I'm losing her.  I can't lose her."

"Lily, I-."

"James, don't let them do this!  Please, please stop them!  If anyone can, you can.  I'll do anything," she pleaded, gripping his shoulders as tears fell down her face. 

James could not remain unmoved.  He knew she was beyond distraught, but things were in a terrible way if she was actually asking him to use the clout of the age-old name of the Potters, one that was synonymous with black-mail.  It irked him, though, that she seemed to feel that he had to be bribed to do it.  Then again, he was already irritated from their previous engagement involving Amos Diggory.  There was no love lost between the two men, and the younger never failed to raise James's hackles, even now.  "I assure you, nothing that grim will be necessary.  Stay here and I'll see if I can do anything."

James found himself back at Celeste's room, and he quickly pulled her medical chart and gave it a quick one-over, his mind forming a plan of action.  For someone born of two plotting souls, raised by the hand of cruelness, nursed with lies, and fed with the spoon of hatred, the formulation was very simple.   Playing dirty was a game he had retired from for the most part by his late teens, but old habits die hard.  Maybe his hadn't really at all, more likely they had been in hibernation, waiting to be woken.

It was easy for him to assume the aura of power and confidence, but it was mingled with threat and sarcasm.  James refused to feel the slightest remorse as he stalked into the room, chart in hand, and glared down at the gray-haired lady.  "I didn't realize visitors were being admitted."

"I'm from MCO," she said, expecting that to explain it all.

"How wonderful for you.  What bait has lured you here this time?"

"I assume you're her Healer."

James nodded; personally, he never assumed anything.

"She has been living in the guardianship of a non-parent, and without legal consent."

"Call in the Aurors.  It's against hospital policy to deny visitation against the reigning guardian when in dire physical health.  I believe Dragon Pox would qualify, especially since the patient in question is three years old.  Her mother is the best thing for her right now."

"Her mother is dead.  This woman could be a psychopath."

"She has provided impeccable care for the past three years.  That would be making a false assumption."

"We cannot just let any person off the street begin caring for a child!  It's illogical.  The court mandate stands."

"Oh really?  What would it take to change your mind?"

*~*~*

"You're in," James said as he walked out, hands in his pockets.  It had taken a very brief period of time to persuade the worker to allow Lily in, but even he wasn't able to work miracles.  "I could only get her to give in to until Celeste falls asleep"

"Oh, God, that's perfect, James," Lily sighed. She surprised him immeasurably by wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing close.  Lily whispered a barely audible, "Thank you," in his ear.  His earlier fowl mood was forgotten to her, conveniently enough.  The new and much worse crisis had overridden her quarrel with James.  

It had been his grim and tempered humor that kept making comments about any sort of physical relationship with her, but there was no way for him to deny the sheer joy he felt to have her touch him again.  Being with Lily had been the best part of his life, yet it wasn't long enough.  The three years and ten months exactly hadn't been enough, not when they should've had so much more.  Their child should have been nearing their fourth year.  They should have another child.  Lily and James should have had that cute two-floor cottage they had been admiring for the longest time.  They should come home to each other every night after work and shared kisses as they somehow pieced together dinner.  They should sleep in on Sunday mornings as late as their son or daughter would allow before raising the house.  They shouldn't be almost strangers living in different flats between which a hug was an amazing and unusual event.  

But that was how things were.

"Lily?" James asked quietly, scared to end the moment that he knew didn't mean as much to her as it did to him.  "You can hug me anytime you want.  You could even kiss me if the notion struck you, but your time with Celeste is sliding away.  I know she's more important than I am, so go."

"Call me deranged, but that notion is striking me, consequently cueing me to leave hastily."

*~*~*

The next two days Lily could only remember as a dim haze.  Later, she would regret that she couldn't remember some of her last time with Celeste, but she was glad she didn't have to relive the pain she was going through at the time.  Lily could never be certain of what she would face next.  Every time she left Celeste's bedside, she expected it to be the last.  Somehow, though, James managed to get her clearance for the remainder of her stay, and she didn't ask any questions about it.  She really didn't have the energy to. 

Her entire day was taken up with Celeste or related activities.  Lily only left her daughter's room when forced out by the hospital staff or the MCO, and when she stepped out the door, James was waiting for her.  He would guide her to her flat, see that she managed to shower and change, and then he would either take her to the hospital cafeteria to eat, or run out to a small restaurant and pick something up while she was bathing.

One thing that she could pick out clearly was that James was there.  For the entire time, he was waiting for her, helping her along, and watching out for her.  At the time, she didn't really recognize it, so she couldn't protest, which she assured herself she would have.  

Other people did notice, however.  

Penelope Potter had kept up an admirable facade for the past two and a half months, but honestly, it was falling down.  Her life had flipped upside down and inside out in the space of a few hours-the time it ftook for the rescue operation of Lily Evans-Potter to be activated.  She had gone to work that day, and already, the curious and sympathetic looks had begun.  Except some of them weren't exactly what she could describe as sympathetic.  It appears that her husband's assumed-dead wife was rather well liked in several circles.  

Most of the Healers and Medis had met her in the time James had worked at Lord Hubert's, and apparently they thought Lily was a more deserving wife.

Penelope could handle the occasional look of scorn, but the sympathy was entirely unbearable; she usually ended up feeling an incompetent child whose parents had died.  What really hurt about it was that nobody seemed to think she had a chance with James anymore.  Frankly, that was a near-fatal blow to her ego.  She was a Veela for the love of magic; men did not snub her.  Nobody believed in her for a minute.  The entire staff found out Lily was home and alive and apparently well, she was even in this very hospital.  All her co-workers saw James there to visit her.  The sympathy level had exponential growth.  

So, here she was now.  What a place it was, too.  Now her professional peers and superiors seemed to think they knew their entire situation.  It had leaked from St. Mungo's that James was there day and night with Lily, so of course, everyone raced to tell Penelope of this.

As if she couldn't have deduced that on her own.  She had come home one night with a note on the table from James saying he had found other accommodations, and when she had checked his closet, it was bear.  It didn't feel good, though, to have the change rubbed in her face.  She had hoped to lick her wounds in private and bear it with dignity in public.  

Very possibly the worst part was actually seeing them together.  If she wasn't a consultant at St. Mungo's for pediatrics, she wouldn't have been subjected to it.  As it was, though, it was part of her job to go to St. Mungo's to inspect some of their practices and offer suggestions on more difficult cases.  Unfortunately, she had to go there during  this time to make sure their facilities were going to meet the new international guidelines established by the Universal Wizarding Medical Council.  

That's when she saw them.

The raw feelings were more than she had expected; the helpless jealously nearly overran her.  James and Lily were walking down a hallway, Lily holding a paper cup of coffee while James had his arms loaded with a duffel bag, three teddy bears, a doll, a bouquet of sunflowers, and approximately eight balloons.  Even though he was constantly shifting his load around, he still appeared to be guiding Lily down the corridor as she stared sightlessly ahead.  

The physical toll that this had wrought on Lily was visible even to Penelope.  She looked as if she had been crying a lot lately, and there were great bruises under her eyes.  Her simple clothes looked as if they had been slept and paced in, and her hair looked as if she had only given it offhand attention recently.  What Penelope had to look twice to see, though, won her admiration.

Lily looked strong and resolute.  She looked like her physical self could break with a small push, but emotionally, she could do this for as long as necessary.  So many parents gave up after a short period of time, but it was obvious Lily wouldn't do that.  

As they crossed paths, James didn't see her until they were directly even with each other due to a shiny purple balloon hovering in his line of vision.  Penelope suspected Lily didn't see much of anything other than the thought of Celeste.  James stopped, though, and turned around to catch up with Penny.  

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hi, James."  Penelope stopped hesitantly, not really sure whether she was up to talking with him just yet.

"You got my note, right?  Is, uh, is everything okay?"

"You're asking if I need money, and the answer is no," Penelope laughed.  She couldn't help it; the question was so James-like.  He wanted to make sure she had everything she needed without actually asking the question.  It was kind of embarrassing.

"I'll give you my address in case anything comes up, but I think everything is taken care of.  I'm sort of at sixes and sevens, though, so I'm not sure." James began awkwardly rummaging through his pockets, but Penelope stopped him.

"I think I can find my way next door."

"Next door?" he asked in momentary confusion.  "Oh, right.  You misunderstand; I'm not staying with Lily.  I'm living with Sirius until I can find someplace by myself.  Hopefully, that will be soon, because quite frankly, Sirius's bedmates terrify my delicate sensibilities."

"I don't know why.  I need to be going.  Uh, let me know about…things, will you?" 

Before James could do more than nod, Penelope walked away.   She was pleased, she had done a good job of not embarrassing herself around them, and after all, that was the first step.

*~*~*

A/N-I just have to laugh.  I started this chapter a week ago exactly, and last night was the first time I had time to work on it again.  I feel like I'm running around in circles trying to get everything done, so my fanfiction is taking the blunt of my neglect.  I'll try to pick up the pace, but things aren't looking so swell.

For WDBTN readers, that fic is on temporary hold while I sort out some things.  I have a moral issue with a possible plot quirk that I need to either resolve with myself or redo the entire second half of the fic.  I am definitely not abandoning it, it's just in a good hiding spot that I will recover at a later date.

I have a special thanks to NattyNatterz for previewing this chapter for me and, as always, offering her excellent opinion.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

"Lily. Lily.  Wake up."

Lily stirred restlessly at the hand on her shoulder, and habitually rolled away.  The hand followed, and for a panic-filled moment, she thought she was back with Voldemort.  Her heart began racing and a lump started forming in her throat.  Dozens of faces of the cruel men who didn't care in the least what happened to her flashed in front of her eyes instead of someone who cared very much.

James backed away when he saw her eyes fly open and stare blindly for a moment.  "Lily?  Is something wrong?"

She lay back down against her pillows and sighed.  "It's you."

"Umm, yes it is.  You need to get up now.  I have packed most of Celeste's things, but I need your help, too.  Are you okay?  

Lily mentally laughed at the thought; she hadn't been okay for years.  "Why are you packing her things?" she asked instead.

"She's being released from the hospital," he said quietly, leaving a huge 'and' hanging in the air.

"Then why would she need her things?  Is…Isn't she coming home?"

James shook his head, noticing the way her grip on the duvet tightened.  "She will be taken to an orphanage for assumed magical children while she awaits adoption."

"Adoption?" Lily asked with an incredulous tone.  Celeste had a mother; she didn't need to be adopted.

"I'll explain as you get her things, we have got to hurry.  Time is of the essence if you want to regain custody."

Lily didn't argue on this point.  She extricated herself from the smothering bedclothes and started racing around the flat, gathering the last few things James's hadn't thought to get and getting herself ready.  James sat in her bedroom, his voice adjusting to the distance between them, explaining the situation.  "You relinquished your legal custody when you confessed that you were neither her mother nor technically related.  The Blacks laughed in the face of the MCO representative when they were asked if they desired to take care of Celeste.  Sirius was officially disowned, so he can't be her legal guardian either.  He checked for you.  They've requested that you bring her all of her things to make the transition easier for her."  
  


Lily came to a stop with several duffel bags stuffed full in her arms.  She stared at him with wide, questioning eyes.

"As soon as you give them her things, you and I are going to the adoption liaison headquarters to file for adoption immediately.  Then, we are going to hope desperately that there isn't anyone on the list ahead of us that want a three year-old."

"May I inquire as to why you're saying _us?"_

"Don't wear sweats." James started pawing through her closet, aggravating her more than a little, and then tossed her a set of lavender robes.  "We'll have to give a good impression there.  Do you still have your wedding ring?"

"James, what is going on?  Tell me!"

"I will, on the way.  You don't seem to realize the longer we spend fooling around here, the more our chance of getting Celeste back is dwindling.  _Hurry."_

She did hurry, shelling her clothes and redoing her hair at a record pace, the mirror giving her suggestions all the while.  Lily was very conscious of James's eyes on her back as she pulled both her wedding and engagement ring from the drawer of her nightstand.  "Here."

"I don't want them; wear them."  James shrunk all the cartons and bags filled with Celeste's belongings, noticing the number was about triple of Lily's own things, and put them in his pockets.  "Apparate to the hospital."

As soon as they both landed safely, James took her hand and led her through to some desk where they handed over Celeste's things.  "Do I get to see her?"

"No, you don't.  The center is across the lot around to the side.  We'll walk, and I'll explain how this is going to work.  Lily, to get Celeste back, you're going to have to get through the entire legal haze of an adoption.  One of the many snags in this situation is that they very, _very_ seldom allow a single parent adopt a magical child.  We're notoriously hard to raise, you know how well my parents did.  If there is any couple at all who shows interest in adopting a toddler, they will have first priority over you.  I know things have changed between us, you're different, I remarried, but if you want Celeste, it's our only option."

"What is?  Pretend to be married?" Lily asked, feeling the bottom of her stomach drop out.

"Pretending won't be necessary, Lily.  We _are_ married.  Now we just have to act like it.  Before you shudder, it's just in front of other people.  Speaking of marriage, guess what I got in the owl post this morning," he said lightly.

"Bills?"

"Divorce papers.  Imagine that, would you?"

Lily winced at the sharp tone in his voice, and his hand tightened on hers after opening the door for her.  "I-."

"Remember, it's for Celeste, Lily."

Within twenty minutes, they were seated in the office of one of many adoption counselors.  She was a relatively young woman, but she had shrewd eyes, ones that looked as if they could bore straight into your mind.  She stood up and offered her hand to shaking when they walked it, announcing "I'm Corina Bryson.  It's a pleasure to meet you two.  James and Lily Potter I see.  I must say this is interesting.  There are a few questions I have to ask for your profile if you don't mind."

James nodded but Lily jumped as he took her hand, and for a long moment she felt her heart pound at the sudden touch.

"First of all, are the two of you financially capable of caring for a child?  Wait, that's a silly question, isn't it?  Moving on, are there any severe problems in your relationship that should be resolved before you care for a child?"

_Besides the fact we're practically strangers?_  "None at all," James answered confidently.

The questions continued for about thirty minutes until she asked them what age group and sex they wanted, and of course, they gave an immediate response.  

"That will be all we have for you today.  Of course, there is extensive paperwork to be filled out, and there will be several more interviews.  There will be a random home inspection sometime within the next two weeks, but I think you two can pass.  Lucky for you, there are only seven couples waiting ahead of you, so it shouldn't be too long."

Lily's heart plummeted at the mention of seven and James saw it.

"There was actually a particular child we were hoping to adopt."

"Oh really?  Who?"

"Her name is Celeste.  I'm sure you know of our rather abnormal circumstances.  She was the child Lily…"

"Brought back with her?  I'm aware of the situation; however, there is an excellent chance that the couples ahead of you won't be as sympathetic as I am, especially considering that you two _can_ have a child naturally."

"But won't you be getting other children rather soon?" Lily asked in a quiet voice that betrayed her desperation.

"We could, but then again, we might not.  These people are all as specific in their requests, and there are really not that many magical orphans.  Very seldom do witches give their children up completely; they generally give them to family members to raise.  There is nearly always a pre-appointed guardian for those children whose parents both die."

Corina must have seen Lily's face fall, because she continued, "These people all know a certain sense of loss and disappointment when it comes to children.  There is a good chance they will understand and relinquish their place on the list.  That's all I have for the two of you today other than a personal off-record suggestion:  Mr. Potter, this situation won't work out well if it doesn't at least appear that you live with Mrs. Potter."

She winked at them once and started shuffling her papers, signifying the apparent end of the meeting.

James and Lily didn't speak to each other as they left.  They wordlessly wandered to a small restaurant where they settled into a corner booth similar to every other booth the two of them had ever sat at together.  Even after they had ordered the silence continued, both of them watching the other warily, stirring their water and fiddling with the straw wrappers.

It was finally Lily who spoke first.  

"Why are you doing this?  I was serious when I told you when I don't want a relationship.  I'm not ready for that again."

"I'll wait."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I'm the one waiting and not you."

"I don't think you realize this could be a very long wait."

"You're doing a lot of negative thinking, but if I remember correctly, that is my department.  I'm willing to wait for a very long time, you're worth it.  You're the best part of my life."

"I hate to say it, but you don't have a lot to compare with it, James."

"Thanks for your shot of confidence there, babe."

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed.  "You didn't answer my question."

"Only because you added another comment that needed addressing.  I can see that you want Celeste back desperately, and I'm just trying to make you happy, that's all."

"James, that's not a good idea.  It's really a-."

"I've got a new one, then.  You and I will do whatever we need to do to get Celeste back, and in the mean time, we will try to get used to each other again.  I won't make any presumptions or make inappropriate remarks, and if thinks aren't working out for us by the time you get Celeste, I'll sign the divorce papers as soon as it's safe."  James lifted her hand in his.  "Just give us a second chance."

"Third," Lily murmured with a small smile.  "It would be our third chance.  Remember how we-."

"I remember.  So will you agree to it?"

"I'm not sleeping in the same bed as you."

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"Or cooking."

"I don't want you to."

"You know I'm not very tidy."

"Like a pack rat."

"Then why?"

"I'll get to see you in the morning when you get your first cup of coffee and when you get soap in your eyes and when you trip over a pair of my shoes.  I'll do anything you want me to have that again."

"Then leave me alone."

*~*~*

End of chapter, yahoo!  I'm behind, I know, I know, I know.  


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**_The Haphazard Ruse_**

"James, are you making a flambé?" Lily asked mildly.  She was fairly sure how this story was going to play out, since the two of them went through the same drama every time they tried to make a meal.  

"Oh _crap_!" 

She followed him to the blazing skillet and tried, unsuccessfully, to peer around him to determine the damage.  By the time James had pulled his wand out and gasped out the extinguishing spell, the almost-pudding had turned to a blackened, shriveled clot in the pan.   "I'll get my coat."

Since James had moved into Lily's flat a fortnight beforehand, he had tried to cook ten different times, and each of those tries resulted in a fire, explosion, mysterious steam, or once, an emission of shrill screams from the fire alarm before he could even turn the stove on.  

"Oh, no, you're not," James said moodily as he prodded the dubious-looking lump.  "I'm going to get this right and we're both going to sit down at that damn table and eat like normal people.  Millions of people do this, so we can too.  Get out the drinking glasses."

Lily raised her eyebrows but wisely chose to remain silent.  The first week had been an endless series of fights between the two of them, and most of the quarrels had been over the most trivial of matters, including who would let in the news owl.  James had remained surprisingly calm through it all until day six when he suddenly exploded.  

Very loud and heinous expletives flew from both of them and Lily had tried to turn him purple.  After slapping the body bind and a silencing charm, James had informed her with deadly calm that he could easily leave if it was what she so desired and she could try to adopt Celeste on her own.  He removed the spells and quickly walked out of the flat, leaving her to mull over her not-so-appealing options.

It did take her awhile to decide, but after some raging, a lot of property damage, and some tears, Lily made her choice.  In the end, she decided she would have to put up with an intruder in her life until she could have Celeste again.  At least James was a relatively safe and good looking intruder.

While she sent drinking glasses zooming about the kitchen and he started over on supper, they began a rather forced chat about the day's events.  Unfortunately, it was all the distraction James needed to create another disaster.  He caught a towel on fire, but he quickly threw it in the sink.  An enormous _whoosh_ sounded and a massive flame flared from the depths of the sink as the grease in skillet from the morning's attempt at bacon ignited.  

For a moment, both James and Lily stared, wide-eyed at the blaze.

Then pandemonium reigned.

"Can you not even wash dishes?" James yelled, timidly trying to get his wand from near the sink.

"You dirty so many there is no way to catch up!" 

"It was from breakfast!"

They continued screaming at each other for a few more moments until the fire gave a rather large _pop_ and a knock sounded at the door to their flat.  James hastily put out the fire and glared from Lily to the door.  "If it's Millie, tell her to go home.  I am not in the mood for her tonight."

"She's my friend, if you don't like it, you can just stuff it."  Lily stalked to the door, half-hoping it was Millie just to annoy him, and opened it to an elderly wizard with a clipboard.  "Can I help you?"

"Hello, Mrs. Potter?" At her nod, he continued, "I'm Archibald Regnery from the WCO.  I understand you and your husband wish to adopt a child.  I am here for a random home inspection; may I come in?"

Lily stared about blankly.  The kitchen had great puffs of smoke coming out and James had successfully flipped over the coffee table on his dash to the kitchen.  "Uhh, why not?  You have caught us at a bad time, but I believe everything is safe."

Archibald Regnery gave her a startled look and warily entered the flat.  She saw his eyes open wide as he observed the chaotic stare of her home.  

"Who is it?" James yelled from the kitchen.

"Mr. Regnery from WCO!" Lily yelled in return.  There was a rather audible breaking of glass, a curse, and then James came out with a tea towel flipped over his shoulder.  

"Hello, I'm James Potter," he said with a bright smile on his face.  Lily hoped it would counteract the dark smudge of blackened food.  The two men vigorously shook hands and then they both took a long look around the room.  James looked as if he wanted to nudge the table with his foot while Mr. Regnery looked vaguely interested.

"Have I caught you at a bad time?"

Lily opened her mouth to answer, but James jumped in, "I was just trying out a new recipe that Lily's sister sent us.  Did you know that some Muggle ingredients don't react properly with magical ones?  I flipped the table over when I was trying to get to the kitchen."

Lily knew for a fact that Petunia would rather starve than share recipes with James Potter.

Mr. Regnery, however, was blissfully unaware.  "I have never tried a Muggle recipe, but I will inform my wife.  So, does Mr. Potter do most of the cooking or is this a rare event?"

"Lily always gets up early to make me breakfast before I go to work, but I generally make dinner."  

That was only a partial lie; in reality, Lily hauled her butt out of bed as James was finishing his shower to prepare breakfast.  The morning meal generally consisted of a bowl of cereal with black toast.  

"Our records indicate you do not currently work outside of the home.  What, precisely, do you do all day, Mrs. Potter?"

By then, James and Mr. Regnery were sitting down and Lily was going to get tea.  "Well, formerly, I took care of Celeste since she was too young to go to school.  I would continue to do that if we got her back.  In the mean time, I am trying to resume my normal life and tying loose ends I left."

When Lily returned, he continued aiming questions at her.  "Do you plan to go back to work after your child begins school?"

"I plan to go back to work, but probably not as an active-duty personnel member.  I have an interest in charms, so I might do something with that."

"Can you provide an emotionally nurturing home, even after what you have been through?"

"Definitely."

"Lily has progressed rapidly in a short time," James added.

"Excellent.  Could I have a tour of your home?"

There wasn't a whole lot of a tour to be given, but Mr. Regnery was directed through the living room, dining room, kitchen, and given a glimpse of a child-proof loo.  

"Where would a child sleep?"

James pushed open the door to the larger bedroom, but it was unmistakably littered with his belongings.  With a sheepish smile, he said, "We're still trying to figure out where to put my things.  So far, our house-hunt hasn't been too successful."

Of course, there was no house-hunt, and he had glossed over the fact that he was staying in that room separate from Lily.

"Are you looking for a residence in a specific area?"

"Not really.  We just want a small city with a good café and better school."  James was definitely good.

"If I hear about anything at the office, I'll let you two know." After some more goodbyes, Mr. Regnery gave a final wave and slipped out the door.

James and Lily took one look at each other, released a huge sigh, and flopped down on the couch.  

"We are a couple of great liars," Lily said, not able to resist laughing.

"Tell me about it.  I almost felt bad about it."

"Thank you, though." James started to shrug it off, but Lily stopped him, "I mean it, James.  This means a lot to me."

"That's why I'm doing it," he answered.  Before she knew what happened, he had brushed a quick kiss across her lips and practically glided to his room.  "G'night, Lily, dear!"

Lily was left on the couch, seething.

Of course, she got revenge as best as she could the next morning.  Lily could not do anything too mean, because frankly, James was too important to her Celeste-cause.  However, she could safely forgo pouring him a bowl of cereal in the morning.  

On the other hand, James took her stunt rather well.  When he saw her sitting in the living room curled up with a bowl of cereal and reading the morning paper, he merely raised and eyebrow and toasted a few slices of bread.  

He also kissed her on the way out again.

"You're really beginning to make me mad, Potter."

"Good.  I imagine it's rather healthy for you to get riled up now and again."

*~*~*

A/N:  Ha!  Look who finished a chapter!

Hopefully it won't take me so long again, I'll try not to drag along so much.  


	20. Chapter Twenty

A/N:  This was edited on 7/17/04 to correct mistakes made when originally updated.  The content hasn't been changed, but time connotations have been inserted.  I apologize for not doing it correctly the first time.  Apparently, the saying haste makes waste is true.

James didn't return to the flat that night, but Lily assumed he had just chosen to go out somewhere with somebody. At ten fifteen, she told herself it was none of her business and promptly went to bed after punching her pillow a few times.

The next morning, when she discovered James was still not home, Lily shot a guilty glance around her home and opened his closet. His shoes were neatly lined up and only one pair was missing. However, two hangers were empty. She narrowed her eyes and continued looking around.   This was truly suspicious and perplexing.

Lily couldn't starve her curiosity; she started snooping. Immediately she headed for the bedside table, but her hand hovered for a moment before she pulled it open. Inside was a great many things. In the little cabinet beneath the drawer were books. She dismissed them after glanced over them quickly, and then moved up. Inside the drawer was an empty ring box, a Christmas card, a pair of glasses, a flat, rectangular box, and a bunch of photos. She slowly lifted each item and examined it. The box was the one their wedding bands had come in. That Christmas card was the one she had made him when he spent the holiday with her parents. The glasses were the ones she had thought she had lost about a week after they got married. The photos were all of her. Some of them were of her sleeping outside, some of them were with her friends or his friends, and many of them were of them together. The flat box held their wedding picture.  Inside a copper frame in a black and white shot, Lily was leaning against him and James had his cheek perched on the top of her head. She was laughing and he was smiling happily.

Both of them looked like life couldn't get any better.

When James didn't come home that night either, Lily started worrying. She considered visiting Sirius or Remus or Peter, but she wasn't able to work up the nerve. Each of them would give her a knowing look and come to the conclusion her alarm was a wifely response. That severely limited her options to one person: Penelope Potter.

Lily gave into vanity and redid her pony tail and changed into clean clothes before going next door. Penelope answered the door, and both Mrs. Potters looked surprised at each other. Neither woman could actually believe Lily was there. 

"Ummm, can I help you with something, Lily?" Penny asked, looking over the other woman's shoulder.

"I hope so. Can I come in?" After stepping just inside the door, she continued, "James hasn't been home for two days. Do you know where he might be?"

"I have no idea what his specific actions are, but he left several times for tasks his little group asks of him," Penelope answered after a moment of hesitation. "They generally give him no notice, and somebody else comes to the house to get him some clothes."

"Oh. I see. I should've thought of that. Well. Thanks for your help," Lily said awkwardly. She gave a half shrug and then smiled. "See you later. I guess I better go home and get back to my fascinating life of reading crappy novels."

Penny flashed a blindingly perfect smile and laughed. "I've been doing the same thing. Apparently we have more than James in common."

"Apparently," Lily agreed drolly. She turned to leave, but Penny stopped her.

"Hey, sometime that he isn't home and you want a sandwich or something, you can come over here. I would enjoy the company."

Lily narrowed her eyes and her expression changed several times. Penelope's motivation for the invitation could range from genuine loneliness to something less honest or kind.  "A long time ago, I would have said yes, but I can't now.  Chalk it up to being badly treated, but I'm not the happy and trusting person I used to be.  I'm not willing to walk into a situation where my feelings could be hurt again."

"My intent isn't anything so terrible.  I'm just curious about the sort of woman I lost James to.  I'm really not accustomed to having a man leave me for someone else."

Lily very nearly left immediately, but instead she stayed and admitted what she had finally realized and what had been digging at her increasingly.  "He left you for a wonderful woman that no longer exists.  James left you because he loved a happy and optimistic person that showed him what was good in life.  I was willing to force through his nasty shield of sarcasm and gloom to be his friend.  That Lily isn't alive anymore.  Most likely, he made a serious error in judgment.  He should have stayed with you, Penelope."

"You dug him out of his personal gloom, so maybe he can do the same for you.  Perhaps James just sees what's hidden."

"No.  Secrets and lies are something I still have no talent in.  He should be with you.  I need to go now.  Goodnight."

Lily went back to her flat and looked at the pictures in James's nightstand.

"What did you find out?"

"Not enough," James answered. "They never referred to her by name, but the insider they keep talking about is called Lebanon. She is the number one converter for him and she has a 100 percent success rate, so nobody will rat on her. All of them are surprisingly closed-mouth."

"You didn't draw too much attention to yourself, did you?"

"I hope not. However, I do have to hurry. They want to give me the mark and all that goes with it in two weeks."

"I don't suppose you'll consider doing it. We need another man on the inside besides Snape."

James gave him a stern look. "How do you think Lily would react when she found out? I won't do it, Harold, and that's that.  I need to go home now."

When James finally let himself into the flat, he found Lily sleep on the floor by his bed. Photos were scattered around her, and Marauder, Celeste's Kneazle, was halfway falling off the bed. He tossed his satchel in the closet and smiled fondly at her before staggering to the couch.

The following morning, Lily walked into the kitchen and she was greeted by James, two plates, and breakfast that looked suspiciously decent and ordered-in.

"Good morning."

"Hmm," Lily answered. "Where were you?"

"Did you miss me?"

"I was curious when you disappeared."

"I was doing some work for the Order."

"Oh. That's what Penelope said."

"You talked to Penelope?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Hmm."

"So, I see you found my Lily Drawer."

Lily raised her eyebrows and sat down at the table. "What's going on?"

"A slow seduction."

The toast she was buttering fell out of her hand. "Excuse me?" She stuttered.

"I am going to make you fall in love with me again. We're starting with breakfast."

"Where did you get that stupid idea?"

"You were looking at my pictures," he answered with a satisfied expression. "You're interested and you cannot deny that no matter how much you want to. We're meant to be together, Lily. I had a crappy childhood so that you would help me find out what I needed to know. Because of that, we could get to know each other and we would love each other. We would get married and right now we're at a bit of a bump. We'll just step over that bump and move on."

Lily glanced up at him and then lowered her eyes and began picking at her scrambled eggs.

"I have the day off. I thought maybe we could go do something together."

"I have other plans."

"Like what?"

"I have some reading to catch up on."

"I've seen that crap you read and I believe it can wait. Let's go to the farmer's market."

"Neither of us can cook, so what's the point?"

"I think we should take cooking classes together."

"Ohhhh…no."

"We can't continue eating this greased poison. We'll die of hardened arteries in ten years and we won't be able to zip a zipper in one."

"I don't want to."

"Sometimes, Sweetheart, we just don't have a choice in the matter. I already enrolled us. We have classes Tuesday and Thursday evenings at six o'clock. I'll come from work and meet you there, and if we don't create anything decent, we can go out afterward."

Annoyance flared in Lily and she gripped her fork tightly. After a moment she said quietly, "You cannot make decisions for me like I'm an incapable child."

"Are you mad at me, Lily?" he asked, leaning forward in his chair. James propped his chin on his hands and stared at her.

"Wouldn't you be angry if I suddenly started arranging your life?"

"I would be thrilled if you showed that much concern. You look furious, though."

"Maybe I am."

"Yell at me."

"Excuse me?"

"If you're mad, why don't you yell at me?"

"What good would it do, James? You're not going to cancel the classes. I could go in there and do my best to embarrass the hell out of you, but you would still make me go every night. I think you would cancel them, though, if I went to one and said I was miserable and maybe cried."

James smiled and agreed, "You're absolutely right. We're going to that first one no matter what, but if I think it upsets you, we won't go again. Just like we're going to the farmer's market even if I have to put a binding spell on you."

"You can't just boss me around like that!"

He nearly fell out of his chair with happiness when Lily finally snapped. "You're letting me, aren't you? You really don't put up a very good fight, Lily."

"I don't want to argue because I don't want you to leave! Without you, I can't have Celeste back. I'm sick and tired of having people control my life! It is _not_ going to continue. I am my own person and I am going to eat what I want when I want. I don't care if you want toast; I am going to eat eggs. It doesn't matter what everybody thinks; I'm going go out and have a good time. If you want to leave, fine. I'll convince them to give me Celeste without you. I want _my_ life back and I am going to have it. I'm not going to farmer's market because I am going to go shopping instead. I'm going to get some professional clothes, and then I am going to find a job. I'm going to go to work and nobody is going to convince me otherwise. Do you understand me?" By the time Lily finished, she was leaning over the table yelling at James. Her face was red and she looking murderously furious.

"If you didn't want to go to the farmer's market, all you had to do was say so, Lily," James answered mildly. He leaned back casually and began eating his omelet. To his surprise and pleasure, Lily snarled at him before stomping into her room, presumably to change clothes.

Ten minutes later, Lily slammed back into the kitchen and growled, "Don't wait up."

"Have a great day, dear."

To her credit, she managed a rather impressive sneer.

James followed her out the door and into the hallway of the apartment building to watch her leave, as did most of that floor. He whistled lightly when a dog barked at her and she silenced it with a glare.

Penelope was the first to speak, "Did you finally get her worked up?"

"Took long enough, didn't it? Maybe we can get things back to normal now."

A/N: Yeah, I updated. Yeah, I know it took forever. It's amazing how a couples days turns into a month or two. Well, that's that. I'll see you in another month. Maybe. I think this will start picking up more. Let's hope so.


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

Lily was seething for a long time after she left the building, at one point she stuffed her stupid wedding ring in her pocket, but the long walk to an apparition point, and then another long walk helped her cool down before she reached Delacour's Dress Robes. When she entered the building, a salesgirl headed in her direction, but Madame Delacour emerged from the back of the elegant little shop with a tape measure across her shoulders and her wand stuck through her hair.

"It's lovely to see you again, Mrs. Potter." Lily smiled slightly, and the owner continued, "Can I help you find something?"

"I'm trying to find something to wear to a job interview."

"What sort of job? An office job? Chef? Ballerina?"

"I have no idea yet."

"Oh. Well, dear, let's see if we can't find the perfect all-occasion set of robes for you."

They did find the perfect all-occasion set of robes, and Lily was surprisingly happy with the plum red garments. Now, she only had to find a job, and she suspected that would be the hard part. Out of a street corner dispenser she bought a copy of the Daily Prophet and pulled out the portion that always held job openings. "The Hog's Head needs a waitress," she read aloud, and then shuddered. Who would want to work around a bunch of filthy, dodgy drunks? She kept scanning until she saw the bold print **TOUR GUIDE WANTED! No knowledge of locations necessary. Inquire at 59 Diagon Alley.** Lily grinned, this could be perfect. It would probably be great fun, visiting interesting places and maybe wearing a neat uniform. Armed with a little bit of hope, she found 59 Diagon Alley; it was a ratty looking building with murky windows and a creepy sign that read _Terrortours_. She heaved a deep sigh and walked in.

She was instantly disgusted. The ceiling was covered with cobwebs and every surface had a liberal coating of dust.

"Hello, can I help you?"

Lily jumped and turned to see a tall, emaciated man standing at a filing cabinet. "Umm, I saw your, er, ad in the Prophet."

"Oh, yes, we are looking for a tour guide. We have a difficult time finding someone willing to give tours of some of the more dangerous locations."

"Dangerous?" she asked weakly.

"Well, they're not that dangerous if one knows how to handle oneself. It's a pity more people don't know how to ward off vampires or zombies."

"Zombies?"

"Yes, we have a special called Zombie Trail. Of course, if you want something more adventurous, we have Translyvanian vampire tours, or excursions through the Bermuda Triangle, or Cretian Minotaur tours, or Yetti-spotting climbs through the Himalayas, or, well, the list is endless."

"Do you have any Yetti-spotting availabilities?"

"We have every opening, or we'll put you on standby because we'll be having an opening."

"Do Yettis bite?" Lily asked nervously.

The man smiled, revealing lengthened incisors, "No more than the average vampire."

Lily stopped breathing, her eyes grew wide, and she pressed herself against the door. "I'm afraid I have a daughter, and I can't take that kind of risk. Thank you for your time." She tried the doorknob, but she couldn't make it turn. Her fear grew into panic, and then icy hot terror as he approached her. At the last moment, he reached past her and turned the doorknob.

"It's a fickle thing; sometimes it sticks. Goodbye."

She was frozen a second before she remembered to leave the building. She hastily walked onto the sidewalk, and then onto the busy High Street. So much for her first attempt. She didn't think she could handle another like that. Lily drew out her newspaper again, and this time she read all of her options. There was an opening at the junk shop, and also one at Obscurus Books. Deciding the publishing firm sounded much better than some musty closet, she gamely trekked to 18A. This time a discreetly elegant sign reading _Obscurus__ Books…__Publishers of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _hung over the doorway to a deceptively large business.

She opened the door, and to her right was a frazzled looking pregnant woman at a desk, talking on the phone and filling out some forms. When she hung up the phone, she glanced up at Lily. "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to apply for a job. It was listed in the Daily Prophet, but there was no job description."

"We desperately need another secretary. Ever since Scamander's book was reprinted and edited three years, we've just been getting more and more business, and as the secretary, the majority of it passes through me. Still interested?"

"Yes."

"Thank Merlin. Can you type?"

"No."

"Neither can I. These damn Muggle machines are too hard to work, but the Muggles get suspicious if official correspondence isn't pecked out on that blasted contraption." The woman indicated toward an ancient looking type-writer before saying, "You'll be in charge of paying the company's bills and directing the mail owls to the right department. We'll split the rest of the paperwork and the manuscripts."

"What about the manuscripts?"

"We dig through the crap to find legitimate books in legible writing and discernable grammar. Still want the job?"

"Definitely."

"Are you desperate or something?" The woman asked and pushed her blonde fringe off her forehead.

"I just went into Terrortours looking for a job."

"You poor girl. As far as I am concerned, you're hired. Nobody had applied since we began running the ad when I was only four months pregnant. I'm in month eighty now," she laughed ruefully. After shuffling through a folder, she pulled out a sheet of paper. "I need to you fill out this application just for our records. When can you begin?"

"As soon as I fill out the application."

"Lovely. Here, sit and fill out. I'm Henrietta, by the way. You can call me Henry." Lily sat down on a large box filled with papers and began scratching away with the quill. When she handed it back, Henry glanced over it and stared at her. "You were Head Girl at Hogwarts and you're working here with me?"

"Looks like it."

Henry bit her bottom lip, but didn't say anything else for a moment. "You're desk will be over there. It'll have to be cleared off first."

"Obviously," Lily said with a laugh.

"Aren't you even going to ask the hours or the pay?"

Lily shrugged, "Anything is wonderful after nearly dying in Terrortours."

"One and a half Galleons per hour, Monday through Friday half eight until four."

"That sounds fine to me." Lily smiled slightly and turned to her new desk. Perhaps she was hopeless at cooking spells, but she had become fairly handy with housekeeping spells. She pulled her wand out and a couple quick waves had it nearly perfect order and sparkling clean. Lily turned to Henry and grinned with excitement evident on her face. "Do you have the bills here for me to fix, or should I jump in with the manuscripts? This is going to be great."

"The bills are always put in this box here. They're in terrible order, so you'll just have to dig through at your own pace. Since you're supposed to be some kind of genius, I assume you can handle it."

Lily was taken aback by the sharp note in her co-worker's voice. She wondered if she did something wrong, or if she had just misinterpreted her tone. Either way, she settled into her chair and began diligently sorting through the envelopes and invoices crammed into a box on her desk. She scribbled away, writing up the Gringotts drafts to pay the bills and recording them in a comically large, dusty book. Lily became absorbed in her task and in her thoughts. She couldn't keep from mulling over Henry's statement.

"I'm glad to see Henry finally got some help in this place. I thought she would end up having and raising the baby behind that desk."

She jumped frightfully at the voice suddenly over her shoulder. Lily twisted in her chair and gripped the quill she was using until her knuckles turned white.

The man standing near her laughed quietly and apologized, "I didn't mean to startle you. I'm glad to see we have one employee who concentrates around here. I'm Aidan Cartwright."

He held out a hand and Lily cautiously shook it. "I'm Lily Potter." She had resigned herself to using James's last name. Everyone knew her as Lily Potter; she even knew herself as Lily Potter, and technically, all of her legal papers had Potter on them.

"Welcome to Obscurus Books, Lily," Aidan said with a wide smile. "I'm sure it will be a pleasure having you here."

Lily frowned and took her hand away.He walked away none too soon.She recognized that sort of smile. James smiled that exact same way when he decided that he was going to get exactly what he wanted. The last thing on the earth she needed was having a co-worker decide she would be a fun roll between the sheets. Having two men on two fronts pressure her for her time and commitment was more than she could handle.

"He's single," Henry commented.

"So?"

"He's good looking and rich. What more could a witch want?"

Lily already had a rich, good looking wizard pestering her. "A cat, a little alcohol, and a decent book."

Henry chuckled and Lily was surprised. "I'd wager you'll be sleeping with him before the month's out."

"_Excuse_ me?" Lily asked rudely and spun her chair around to face Henry.

"He's the owner and you're a working girl wanting to work her way up. From what I hear, it wouldn't be a hardship."

"The owner?"

"Yes."

Lily sat her jaw stubbornly, "I am not like that. If I get a promotion, it will be on my merit."

"In bed," she heard Henry mutter. Lily stared at her co-worker's back for a moment before her mouth quirked in a half-smile. She raised her wand and muttered a hex under her breath. Ten minutes later, when Henry opened her desk drawer, the whole thing fell out. Lily felt a little guilty, but at the same time she felt pleasure at getting even with this heifer. She didn't speak to Henry and Henry didn't speak to her until four o'clock when they were both gathering their things to leave.

"Have a nice evening, Henry."

"You too, Lily."

Lily decided to walk home and hopefully find someplace to eat dinner on her way. She was too tired to face James for several hours until she went to bed. As she put a warming spell on herself before walking toward the cold and the dimming February day, she saw Aidan Cartwright hurrying down the stairs from the upper level offices. "Lily, wait a moment!"

Lily saw Henry smirk at her, and she tried to sidle toward the door. Her plans of a quick getaway weren't entirely dashed yet. As he approached her, Lily tried to size up her new boss. He appeared to near thirty with hair just a bit darker than hers and blue eyes instead of green. She figured he was just a smidgen shorter than James, but he had a sturdier, more athletic build. All in all, he was nothing like her husband. When he reached her, he smiled with just a hint of nervousness. "Can I help you with something, Mr. Cartwright?" Excellent. Just the right tinge of frosty leave-me-alone in her voice.

"Can I walk you somewhere?"

"I can walk myself."

He frowned. "I have no doubt about that. I thought perhaps I could accompany you. We could stop for some coffee?"

Oh no. Her getaway had just been trashed. So had her job. How could she turn her boss down? How could she go out with him? Crap. Lily looked around desperately for a way out.

"If you have somewhere to be, I understand. I just thought-."

"No, it's fine. Let's go." Lily turned and walked out the door, wondering what she was going to do about this. She hoped she didn't see anyone she knew. On one hand, James's reaction would be priceless, but on the other hand, she didn't particularly want to hurt him, and she definitely didn't want a real relationship with this guy. Of course, there was the fact James would probably go berserk and stop helping her get Celeste. Yep, this was definitely going to be bad.

Aidan followed her with a perplexed look on his face. "Are you always like this, or just with me?"

"Always."

"Interesting. So, do you have a favorite coffee spot?"

"I'll drink it anyplace they brew it."

"I have similar feelings." They made small talk until they both had a styrofoam cup and were sitting a small table. "What brought you to Obscurus?"

"I quit my old job and I needed another one. This was the first one I found that didn't involve Yettis…at least to my knowledge."

"Where did you work before?"

"I was a Hit-Witch," she said without thought. That was a normal enough job, right?

Apparently not. Aidan opened his mouth, closed it, and repeated the process once more. "Can I ask why you quit a prestigious job at the Ministry for a dead-end job at a publisher?"

"It was too hazardous. The prestige wasn't worth it."

"Henry told me you went to Hogwarts."

"Yesss," she said slowly. Where else would she have went.

"And you were Head Girl."

"Is this a secret interview or something?"

"I just don't understand why someone like you would want an entry level secretary position at Obscurus. I have to admit I'm baffled."

"Were you equally baffled when Henry started?"

"She's been there since I bought the place. Besides, she didn't go to Hogwarts."

"Where did she go?"

"I don't know, some primer school."

"Did she go to Beauxbatons?"

"She didn't go to a magical school."

Lily paused a moment before asking doubtfully, "She isn't a Squib, is she?"

Aidan tilted his head questioningly. "She just didn't have enough magic to get into Hogwarts. Are you a Muggle born?"

She swallowed nervously and tried to think of a plausible way around the question. Muggle borns didn't just go around flaunting the fact today. Not with Voldemort reigning the way he was.

"Relax, I'm one. I grew up in Birmingham."

"Really? You're a big city kid. I lived in Grantham for a couple years awhile back, but I grew up in Lincolnshire. What house were you in?"

"I was a Ravenclaw. I graduated in '67. You?"

"Seventy four, Gryffindor. How did you end up owning Obscurus?"

"I worked here the summer after Hogwarts, and I really liked it, so stayed on. A couple years ago it came up for sale, and I had to have it. I've never regretted it. It's just one of those things that feel right. Do you know what I mean? Sort of like a chair you just sink into and snow's falling outside the window and you don't have anything you dread."

"I haven't felt like that in a long time," Lily said softly. She looked out the window, wishing to see the snow he described.

"Well, Lily Potter, I hope you do soon. By the way, are you related to Potters? Well, I guess it's just James, now."

"Is he someone you know?"

"His wife Penelope published a medical book with us last year. He came in with her to negotiate her contract. He nearly fleeced me. Scary guy, Potter is. He was married before, but his wife went missing. I've heard it completely tore him up. Poor chap. So, are you related?"

"Of course not, I'm a muggle-born, remember? He's a pureblood, there's no way we could be related."

"True. I forgot. Hey, I know this is probably completely inappropriate since I'm your boss, but-."

"Look at the time!" Lily exclaimed, rising from the table to cut him off. "I have got to be getting home. It was lovely talking to you. Good evening, Mr. Cartwright!" Lily smiled briefly and dashed out of the small shop before he could continue his invitation that would embarrass them both.

She was looking forward to the relative safety of her flat. Maybe James wouldn't be there yet. After apparating, she let out a happy sigh and touched her hand to the door knob to gain entrance. The interior of the flat was dimmed and lit only by glowing candles. Soft music lulled her to step forward, and the door quietly closed behind her. On the table, a place setting for two was displayed, and on the stove several pots and skillets steamed.

James stepped out of the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in dark trousers with a crisp shirt. His teeth and glasses gleamed in the night as he approached her.

She knew she was in way over her head.

* * *

A/N: I finally updated! I know I took a ridiculously long time but we all lived through it. If you want a good time-filler until my next updated, go watch **The Phantom of the Opera**. That is the BEST movie I have ever seen in my entire life. I might actually write a PotO fanfic sometime. Gee whiz, it was really good. 


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

Lily felt paralyzed for a moment. Her mind raced, and the most prevalent thought was a loud shouting voice that told her to get out of the flat. Her legs didn't quite get the message though, because she was rooted to the spot. She first nervously looked over her surroundings and noticed the detail with which James had created the perfect intimate date atmosphere. Once she looked at him, though, she found herself unable to look away.

He looked almost painfully handsome to her; she was a sucker for dressed up men. The look on his face meant more though, and it made her even more nervous. His expression was a mixture of multiple feelings. She saw the excitement in his wide smile, and it wobbled just a tiny bit at the corner to betray his nervousness. She read his confidence as his hazel eyes carefully locked on hers, almost daring her to break away.

Lily couldn't begin to guess what her own face looked like. She felt a melting pot of emotions that could rival James's. She was thrilled and excited. She loved the anticipation and the sense of pseudo-danger that rushed through her. She was worried because she knew how the evening would most likely end up. She had never been strong enough to resist the full force of his charm. She was terribly frightened. Lily did not want to feel this. She didn't want to be attached to anyone like James again. She didn't want this.

Lily inhaled deeply, and she made the slightest movement in preparation to bolt for the door.

"Don't do it, Lily."

She gulped. "James, what are you trying to do now?"

"If it isn't obvious, I fouled up something terrible." James closed the distance between them until he was just centimeters from her. He leaned down so he could whisper in her ear, "I'm going to seduce you."

"I won't let you," Lily said stubbornly. This wasn't going to work. Again, she nearly began her trip to the door, and again, James stopped her by speaking.

"Will you always walk out the door and leave me in broken pieces? Will you leave again and take away the most vital part of me? Will you always run and keep a part of yourself empty and indifferent?"

"Perhaps."

His mouth quirked up into a slight smile and he lightly cupped her face in one hand. She had not expected that response. "I used to feel the same way. You pulled me out of my pit of despair; it's only fair I reciprocate."

"There's no reason."

"There's every reason."

They had been so close while they were speaking that he had only to angle his face slightly to kiss her. Lily felt a disoriented moment, and then it was almost like she was reliving a memory or falling into a dream. The light pressure of his lips against hers was undemanding filled with love. It felt like it had been a lifetime since she had been kissed in this way, without hate or malice or an undoubtedly painful encore. Lily was sure she stopped thinking. James kept the one hand on her face and the other barely resting on her shoulder. He didn't falter as he turned her so her back was no longer against the door and she could easily step away.

When she saw this, it was Lily who deepened the kiss. She pressed him against the door with a force that rattled the hinges, and for a scary moment, James feared he would tumble straight into the hallway. Luckily, the door held, and Lily didn't even seem to notice. Her hands left their resting place on his chest and began roaming down his arms, up his sides, down to the point where his shirt was tucked into his trousers, and up his arms again in a reverse motion. For a moment, Lily forgot everything except for the present second with James. She felt the distant comfort of the memories of their life together, but horrors of the past years were nowhere to be found in her mind. Even the day's earlier events were blocked as she assaulted him. All she could think about was absorbing every ounce of kindness and love he was willing to give her through that kiss.

When that particular thought finally battered itself into her mind, she instantly stopped kissing him. James cautiously dropped his hands to her waist and didn't move. She was breathing heavily, her eyes still closed. Suddenly, she glanced up into his eyes, and she put a hand over her mouth. James felt her breathe even more deeply as she closed her eyes, looked up at him, and then averted her gaze to his shoulder. By this time she was shaking and he could tell she was on the edge of crying.

"What have I become?" Lily asked. She felt disgusted with herself. At this moment, she really hated the person Lily Evans had become. She had never felt so ashamed of herself. She was reviled by herself. She wasn't fit to be around good people. Lily looked around the room as if she could find the answer to her life. "I shouldn't have done that to you, James. I'm so sorry. I just felt like I could-."

"Soak up every drop of love and beauty to make the darkness go away?"

Lily glanced at him with even more horror. How had he known?

"I've done it to you a hundred times, trying to find something good and beautiful to make me feel better. You deserve to do the same to me." James pulled her too him and pressed her face against his shoulder. "I know it hurts so bad to realize you aren't what you once were. When you feel kindness or happiness, or most unbelievable of all, love, directed at you, you just want to take it all and store it for when you feel hate and sadness."

Lily felt the tears well up in her eyes, because that was exactly how she felt. She had never considered that James had felt the exact same as her at one point. "How do you make it go away?"

"Realize that this isn't you. Feel the love given freely and unconditionally to you. Remember the real you. Return the love."

"That's easier said than done."

"I have no doubt you can do it."

"I don't know if I want to."

James gently pushed her away from him and shook his head slightly. "Let's eat. Sirius cooked, so it'll be good."

"Give me a minute." While she went to the bathroom the erase her emotional outburst, James put the hot food on their plates and patiently waited for her. He would make this work. He had to.

When she came back into the room, Lily sat down without saying anything, and wordlessly placed her napkin in her lap. They were both cutting their chicken when she said quietly, "I was petrified in a field, behind some bushes. In all likelihood, it wasn't even a death eater who hit me. I lay there for a long time before the surviving Ministry personnel disapparated to gather reinforcements and medics. During that time, Voldemort's people went through and kidnapped some and killed others who were like me, and couldn't disapparate. It was raining, and I was so cold and dirty. I really hate being dirty. I was glad someone had finally come to retrieve me, until I saw that they didn't wear the Ministry's uniform." James paused with the cutting and stared at her. He couldn't believe she finally going to tell him this. "I was taken by a portkey to some sort of compound. I doubt I ever saw all of it during my time there it was so large. The part I was initially in was just a stone floor and wet walls. I wasn't hurt at all at that point, so I thought everything was going fairly smoothly, because surely I would be rescued directly. Perhaps I could be traded or something. If nothing else, I had every faith that you would blast the walls apart yourself. Anyway, I was in there for a long time, and I was feeling pretty good about my situation. It was probably the next day before someone even walked by. Sometime they sent me some water, but that was it. Being hungry wasn't so bad, really. The first day was pretty bad, but after that you sort of just get used to it, except I was worried about our baby. I kept remembering all the textbooks you kept quoting about proper nutrition for the two of us, and I could just imagine you glowering at me with disapproval."

James was going to interrupt and say he couldn't really disapprove of anything in her situation, but her expression suddenly changed. She took on a scared, horrified look. "Do you want to go in the living room and sit down?"

"Not yet. It will be easier to say talk about this next part here." Lily gripped her utensils tightly, and she stared in the direction of the stove, but it was obvious she wasn't seeing anything in that flat. "It was almost a week before I saw any of Voldemort's people. Two really big wizards took me out, and down a hallway to another room like the one before. There were several men in there, sitting in a row behind a table, and there was just one chair out in the middle for me. They started asking me questions, and at first it wasn't bad. I guess I was still in my delusion that these people weren't that bad; that they were just trying to get ahead and they wouldn't really hurt me. They started out with just some normal questions about me and my life. Then, they started asking me questions about the Ministry and things going on there. I wasn't privy to top secret information, so I didn't have the answers to most of the questions, and they didn't care for that. They really thought I knew things, and they used curses on me for awhile, but then they actually started hitting me. I had never actually been hit before, James."

James put his hands over his face and wondered how much longer this story would last. He hated thinking about Lily being hit and cursed. He hated thinking about her expecting him to rescue her.

"It was when that was finally over that I lost the baby. That was the worst part of all. I hurt anyway, and that hurt so much worse. I couldn't imagine the baby living, it was only four months. I was scared to give birth anyway, and I was by myself. I was so heartbroken when it died. She actually looked like a little baby. It made me lose a lot of confidence and hope that I would get out okay. A healer actually came in later that day, and I woke up at some point in the future. I was entirely well, and for a moment I had forgotten everything. I was left alone for a long time again, and I was left to think with myself. I sort of came back to the thought that maybe things wouldn't be so bad again. Then, I was taken back into a room for questioning, beaten, healed, left alone for a couple days, and then it started over again. After about a month, the routine was changed a bit. After the questioning and before the beatings, they would…I was…they raped me."

"That sort of put things in perspective for me. I wasn't so sure things were going to work out okay after that, and that's when I started changing to the new Lily. You know how when you hear about spy stories and thing, you think you would be able to keep your secrets?" James nodded. "If I had known anything at that point, I would have told them."

They sat in silence for awhile. James stared blankly as Lily had been earlier, and she pushed the food around on her plate.

"A couple months into the process, they stopped questioning me, and gave me Celeste to take care of. By that time, she was about 8 months old, so she wasn't a tiny baby anymore. It was easy for me to grow attached to her. She was the only thing I had that wasn't inside my head. My imagination was beginning to bore me. There was one point that I swear I nearly lost my mind. After I had Celeste for awhile, the beatings stopped too, and I was on my trip to, you know, and I heard someone say the date. It was December fifteenth. I hadn't really a grip on time before that, and all of a sudden I came so aware of how long I had been there. All I could think about was what I should have been doing. I kept thinking about how you would never get the lights up on your own, and somebody was going to have to make sure Remus wasn't too depressed on the holiday. You and I should've had our baby, and everything would've been so wonderful. I just sort of became trapped in my own little world. I saw them take the Prewett twins' bodies by, and I finally snapped out of it. I began formulating a plan for escape. I usually wasn't guarded very carefully in the night, so I thought maybe I could slip out. I would hit a few guards on the head with a bowl, and that'd be that. I tied Celeste to my back under my robes and went for it. She started crying, and I got caught. That was the first time I was taken to Voldemort. That was the-."

Lily sat quietly for a moment, and for the first time she wiped her eyes. "After that I tried escaping two more times, and I left Celeste behind after that. I tried thrice, and I didn't have it in me to try it a fourth." With resignation, she pushed her plate away, and without looking at him, she muttered, "If you want to leave now, I understand."

James, too, was silent for a bit before he picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. "I live here, what are you talking about?"

"But, I, you, we, I-."

"You stuck by me when I thought I had a terrible event in my past, and now it's my turn to stick with you. I love you, and I won't be easily deterred."

Lily knew she would cry if she looked at him, so she tried staring at the candle in the middle of the table. He ducked his head to catch her eye, and then she couldn't help but glance up in his face. It was just like being hurt when she was little. She wouldn't cry until she saw her mum, and there was just something in her mother's face and the tender note of love in her voice and the acceptance in her embrace that made the tears fall. James had that same quality in him that made her feel like he could take care of everything if she just unloaded everything on him.

James lifted her from her chair to his lap, and without further invitation she ducked her head against his shoulder and started crying. It was such a relief to be able to cry, knowing he knew part of what happened, and knowing she was safe and she didn't have to worry about being hurt, and she was with someone who stilled love her, amazingly despite what happened. Despite the fact that she was crying like her heart was broken, she felt just the tiniest bit of hope and happiness burgeoning inside of her.

* * *

Lily sighed when her alarm clock went off the next morning. The work thing wasn't such a novelty when she actually had to get out of bed.

"What's the alarm for? I don't work on Fridays," James said groggily.

Lily froze; she had forgotten James had slept in her bed with her last night. The night before, they had reheated Sirius's meal, and they had both fallen asleep on the living room floor. When he suggested they sleep in the same room, she hadn't seen the problem since he assured her sleeping was the only thing on his mind. Besides, it wasn't the sleeping that held the bad memories for her. During the nearly three years of captivity, nobody had simply slept in the same bed with her, or sleepily draped an arm over her waist, or rested their head against the base of her neck to listen to her heart beat. James was the only person those activities were associated with. Even now, she didn't mind, but she knew sleeping wouldn't be the only thing on his mind for long. "I do."

"What?" James reached over her to turn the alarm off.

"I told you I was going to get a job yesterday when I left the house. You thought I was just throwing a fit, didn't you?"

"Well, yes. Why would you want a job?"

"Why does most of the world work?" Lily snapped. She threw her side of the blankets over his head and got out of bed. While she was pawing through her closet, he sat up and started talking again.

"They need money. We don't need money. I have a good job, and my parents left me everything they had. More importantly, are you sure you're ready to work again? Besides, what kind of job could you actually get so quickly?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Lily, come on."

"You'll do something to sabotage me; I know you will." Lily crossed her arms imperiously and glared at him.

"You're crumpling your robes," James pointed out. She sneered and stomped off to the bathroom. He laughed. All they needed was Sirius poking around first thing in the morning and things would be back to normal.

When she Lily left the bathroom, she found James dressed and patiently waiting at the table, reading the newspaper. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting on you to get here so we can eat breakfast."

"Where's it at?" she asked suspiciously.

"At the café, I suspect. I thought we could go out and eat together before your first full day of work. You have time, don't you?"

"Yeah, I don't have to be there until half eight. I was planning on going myself."

"I trust you won't mind some company. Shall we?" James opened the door for her, and seeing no easy way out, she went. After all, she was planning on going out anyway, so why not eat with him? _Because it's what we used to do every Friday morning_. He took her hand as they walked down the corridor, and that completed the picture. Apparently James thought the same thing. "Isn't this just perfect? We used to eat breakfast together every Friday morning."

"It's wonderful."

"Except for I'm supposed to be the grumpy, non-morning person. Maybe we should change it to another morning since I don't work on Fridays anymore. Wednesday would be good. It would give us something to look forward to on an otherwise dull day. Wednesday is pretty overlooked, you know."

"Am I supposed to be looking forward to this?" Lily muttered.

"Of _course_ you are, Lily dear," James said with a laugh, and tugged playfully on a lock of her hair.

"Were you drinking while I was in the shower?"

"No, I was not. I was revising my plan on best how to woo you."

"Oh my God."

"You'll be saying that once I-oomph." They were both laughing as she shoved him outside into the early morning fog. James continued to taunt her, putting her into a very good mood, until they got to the small restaurant that was thriving with the early morning coffee-drinking gossiping men. When the bell overhead tinkled, they all turned to see who had just walked into this sacred, caffeine guzzling world. A few nodded at Lily, and they all turned back to their own conversations and drinks. "This is perfect, huh?"

"If you're eighty and you have a beard and a funny looking hat."

"You're killing me, Lily." They sat at a vinyl-covered booth, and began flipping through the plastic menus already on the table.

Soon, a middle-aged woman ambled over, and Lily immediately noticed she was pursing her lips constantly. "Hey James, it's not Wednesday."

"Hi, Madge. Lily, this is Madge. Madge, this is Lily, my wife."

"Congratulations, I didn't know you were getting married. Nice to meet you, Lily. I've heard a thousand things about you, but I never figured he would get you to marry him. Will you be having your usual, James?"

"Yes, with a side order of bacon."

"Lily?'

"Waffles with coffee, please." As soon as Madge wandered off, Lily hiked an eyebrow at James. "Care to explain that to me?"

"She acts sorta weird because she's started taking these diet pills. Her thirty year reunion is in two months, and she wants to get down to a size eight."

"How did she not know you were married?"

"She just assumed I wasn't. I always come here by myself, and I never said anything about Penelope."

"Why'd she know me?"

"I might've mentioned your name a couple times," he said defensively.

Lily smiled. This was cute. "So, this Friday breakfast must really be throwing you off course."

"Not if we eat on Wednesday next week."

"What a lunatic," she laughed.

Lily was stretching just as the door squeaked, alerting the two secretaries that someone had just entered. She spun her chair about, and was faced with a little kid carrying a small bouquet of daisies.

"These are for Ms. Potter."

Lily raised one hand meekly, and the little boy walked over and gave her the flowers. She went to give him some money, but he waved her off.

"I've already been paid. See ya." He scampered off, and Lily glanced up to see Henry looking at her accusingly. Lily took out the card and instantly recognized James's handwriting. _Lily, Have a great first day, Love James_…_p.s. Cooking lessons tonight._ She laughed. What a sneak. A sweet sneak. "What a dork," she said out loud, and sat the daisies on her desk. He had accurately pegged the daisy as the perfect flower for her the first time he gave her flowers years ago, and she still loved them. Daisies were vastly neglected in her opinion. They were so cheerful, and when they were dyed, they were quirky and fun. These were just plain, white daisies that he probably snagged off a vendor's cart, but she still liked them. What woman didn't like getting just because flowers?

"That didn't take long. Daisies are a pitiful morning after flower, though," Henry said spitefully.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked brightly. She was still happy about the flowers.

"Normally, men send roses after they shag their secretaries. You know, it's supposed to make the women thing they're loved, and it eases the man's conscience, so all parties are happy. At least roses cost a couple galleons. Those could probably be bought with a silver."

"Henrietta, I didn't sleep with Mr. Cartwright last night, and I really don't have intention to." Lily smiled and gave the flowers a wave to catch Henry's attention. "My _husband_ sent me these."

"You're married, and you're carrying on with the boss? I cannot believe you."

"I am _not_ carrying on with the boss. Apparently Mr. Cartwright doesn't know I'm married, but I in know way encouraged him."

"You didn't mention being married."

"I didn't see it was any of your business."

"Where's your ring? A fancy girl like you would have to have a ring."

Lily looked down and saw she wasn't wearing her rings. In a rush she remembered taking them off yesterday when she was furious with James. And then she had put it in her pocket, which meant it was still in her robes, lying on the bedroom floor. Hopefully, James would decide to be domestic on his day off and pick it up. Then again, in nearly three years of living together, he hadn't ever picked up his clothes, let alone hers. "I got in a fight with James yesterday, and I took them off. I just forgot to put them on again."

Henry looked at Lily disdainfully, "What did you two get in a fight about? Which one of you would have to give the House-Elf orders today?"

"We don't have a House-Elf, Henry. We manage quite proficiently on our own."

Henry made an unintelligible noise, and they both turned back to their work.

* * *

Lily was impatiently watching the minute hand on the clock turn around, waiting on it to hit the twelve so she could go home. This job wasn't as fun as she was expecting. Henrietta was like some sort of crazed Slytherin that never made it to Hogwarts. However, she only had twenty seconds until four o'clock, and she could race out of here…to cooking lessons.

She swiveled in her chair at the sound of feet coming down the stairs. Fifteen seconds. She had a bad feeling about this. Aidan Cartwright came down the stairs with a smile on his face, and made his way over to Lily. She was hoping he would stop at Henry's desk, and she could make her escape. Unfortunately, that didn't work out, and he came straight to her own little area, and rested his hip against her desk. Lily glance toward the door as Aidan began to speak. In slow motion, she saw the door knob turn and the door was eased open. In shock, she saw James walk in with a bright grin on his face and a book under his arm.

James quickly spotted her and Aidan, and he cocked an eyebrow inquiringly. She didn't know what any of them were going to do next.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Note:** I know I said I wasn't going to finish it, but now four years later I've changed my mind. It's probably not going to sound the same since it's been so long, but I'm going to do my best to finally give Lily, James, and Celeste an ending. It will probably just be this chapter, another, and probably an epilogue or something.

Lily knew two things: She was not interested in Aidan, and she needed James to help her get Celeste back. A little part also reminded her she hadn't seen that confident, charming grin of his in _years_, but she also told herself that wasn't the real reason she took control of the situation.

"James," she called brightly. "I didn't know you were going to pick me up from work today!"

Aidan turned to see who Lily was looking at, but didn't get up from his casual perch on Lily's desk. While he seemed slightly surprised at James' appearance, he didn't seem to make the connection between the two of them. Then again, why would he? She wasn't wearing a ring and skipped her chance to mention her husband when Aidan asked her if there was a relationship between them. James, on the other hand, instantly took in smooth way Aidan was leaning toward her.

"It was meant to be a surprise," James said, approaching her desk. "I thought we'd hit the bakery for a snack before going to our lessons tonight."

Lily stopped breathing for a moment when James leaned against the other side of her desk, sandwiching her between the two men.

"Hello, I'm Aidan Cartwright, owner of Obscura," Aidan said with a curious half-smile, reaching out his hand to James. The two men shook hands direct in front of Lily's nose.

"James Potter, Lily's husband."

"I was under the impression you were married to the blond Mediwitch."

"So was I, temporarily, but Lily and I have always been married, haven't we darling?" James asked, and Lily saw a gleam of pure wickedness in his hazel eyes. She murmured her consent, and James continued. "We're actually taking cooking lessons tonight. Together. So if you'll excuse us, we'll be going now."

"Of course," Aidan said, and Lily could feel his eyes on her face, but she didn't look at either man. Instead, in a clumsy ruckus, she grabbed her coat and handbag, clattering to her feet and rushing toward the door.

"James, I'm quite hungry. I think we should go now."

James strolled up behind her with one hand in his pocket, the other holding the door open for her. He winked at Henrietta, sending a look of shock across her sour face, and nodded to Aidan. Once out the door, he took Lily's elbow politely, walked approximately five steps, and said, "You'll need to submit your letter of resignation tomorrow."

"I will do no such thing," Lily snapped. She jerked her elbow from his grasp and sailed down the pavement.

"Cartwright has a plan in his mind to seduce you, and he was getting ready to enact Step 1 when I walked in the door."

"There is absolutely no way you could know that. You are so misguided. You just _look_ for problems. When you can't find one, you make something up." Lily knew she was probably just a touch away from overreacting, but the last thing she needed was James acting territorial and applying the full force of his alpha maleness. Really, all she needed was him to behave so she could get Celeste back and get him out of her house before she did something stupid like fall in love with him again.

"Of course I know that. As a man with a similar plan to seduce you, I can most certainly recognize it in someone else."

"I don't care. Even if he is planning on seducing me, you aren't some defender of my virtue. It's my decision to make. You can't stop me."

"You're my wife. Besides, we're not going to be able to adopt Celeste if you're having an affair, now are we? I don't know why you're being so difficult about this whole thing. It's not as if you could have a _career_ there. That's the sort of job teenagers get for the summers home from Hogwarts. Or Squibs. Lily, you were Head Girl for crying out loud. You're a brilliant witch. You can charm anything, you're a solid Legilmens. You were a Hit Witch who escaped the Dark Lord. You're funny and beautiful. You weren't born to sit in a dusty office typing checks and running errands."

Lily stopped on the pavement and turned to face him. "Since you know so much, James, what _was_ I born to do? Was I born to be kidnapped and tortured? Was I born to have my family die and my sister hate me? Was I born to lose my baby and have the daughter I love taken away? For that matter, what were you born to do? What were any of us born to do? Was Remus born to be a werewolf?

James put a hand to her face and looked down to see the tears in her eyes. He knew she wouldn't let them fall in front of him again. "I don't know about the others, Lily. I only know that I was born to fall in love with you, just as you were born to fall in love with me. That's really all that matters. All the other stuff is just extra. We were made to have each other."

"That's ridiculous," she scoffed, looking down, away from his eyes. It would be _so_ easy just to let him reel her in. But if she did, it would make things hurt again that hadn't hurt in a long time. "It would have been so easy for us to never talk, to have never been anything more than acquaintances."

"It would have been easy, but it didn't happen. I think the reason I had such a terrible childhood is that that way, I could never overlook you. You were the opposite of everything I had ever known, and you made my life wonderful. Maybe the reason you were taken away from me was to give me the chance to be everything you needed. To make your life wonderful."

"Being a prisoner hardly made things rosy, James."

"No, it was terrible," he agreed. "I would give anything to make sure it had never happened. I wish I could take away your pain, but I know I can't. But I would replace it with happiness if you would just let me."

The first drops of rain began falling, landing in their hair, dropping down their faces, infusing their clothes with a bitter coldness, but neither of them moved. Lily looked up into his face, and the look she saw there was hard to doubt, but she had to ask, "What if we're too different now?"

"We're different, but not too different," he promised. "We were just kids when we got married. We were growing up together. Remember, before you were taken, things were getting difficult between us. We were scared. We weren't ready. Maybe we're still not ready, but we're not kids anymore. We know we can live without each other, but we don't want to. Just admit it, Lily, you _want_ to be with me. You want to go to sleep with me each night and wake up next to me in the morning. You want to eat Wednesday morning breakfast at the cafe across the street. You want me to make you potions when you're sick. You want _me _ to help you put up the Christmas tree. You want _me _to be the one with you when you find your first gray hair. I want all those things too. Just let me."

Lily looked up to his face, and it all seemed so easy when he was making those brave declarations to her. She could see he believed it, and part of her wanted to too. How could she turn away the boy that she feel in love with at Hogwarts, with his wonderful heart and tortured soul filled with the pain of an uncaring family.

She looked down to her feet, and she felt the tears leave her eyes, mingling with the cold rain that was pouring down on them both. Finally, James took his hand from her face and took shrunken umbrella from his pocket that he easily enlarged to shelter them both.

And suddenly, she remembered another time when they stood under an umbrella in the rain together. She had snuck into Hogsmeade to meet him. It had seemed so difficult then, going against her friends and keeping secrets, but that had turned out alright in the end.

Maybe the Lily that had stood under that umbrella was a little bit different than the one that stood under this one, and maybe that James wasn't entirely the same either, but just _maybe_ there was enough left. Enough of that happy girl in love for the very first time. Enough of that sad boy that needed her more than anything.

Lily looked up into James's eyes and saw the uncertainty and the fear that she would turn him away. He was braced for her rejection, just like all those years ago. There was enough of him left, but the real question was whether there was enough of her.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

For James, the routine he and Lily developed was both wildly wonderful and a slow heartbreak.

After their sidewalk confrontation, they went home to begin living the life of any married couple. They shared meals and stories of their days in the evenings. They went out with friends and entertained in the flat. They began looking for another house, one that would be big enough for them and Celeste. In the evenings, they would joke and even talk about the past. All of that was wonderful.

But it wasn't real.

And that's the part that hurt the most.

After an evening of reading the paper or playing cards, Lily would tell him goodnight, go to her room, and firmly shut the door. So many conversational topics were off limits that James often found himself racking his brain for something to talk about. Whenever he tried to make plans for the future, she abruptly changed the subject. The only way he had been able to convince her to look for a house was to point out it would improve their chances of getting Celeste.

And that was a whole other problem.

Lily was single-minded about her quest for her psuedo-daughter, and it was reaching a point that James suspected was unhealthy. After nearly a month of living with her again, James had figured out a few things about the situation. Lily loved Celeste dearly, and would no doubt take excellent care of her. But for Lily, Celeste was like a security blanket. By taking care of Celeste, Lily had a distraction away from her own life and her own problems. When she lost her own child, Celeste was there to fill the void in her heart. Celeste probably filled many voids, being the only person with her that cared about her for years.

But Lily didn't actually consider herself a mother.

James didn't know what to do with that. He couldn't just walk up to Lily and tell her that he thought it was a bad idea for her to try to adopt Celeste. One, she would probably just walk away. Two, that would make him the jerkiest of all jerks.

It was always in the back of his mind that she held all of the cards in their relationship. She could leave at any time. The only thing he had up his sleeve was that she needed him if she persisted with this foolish plan to adopt Celeste. His life was lived on egg shells, gingerly making each step.

So that meant he waited. It was his turn to humor her, and he could say he truly understood how she felt all those years ago when she tried to befriend him. He hated that stupid boy that was purposefully prickly and rude, trying to shoo her away like a pesky animal. But it was his turn to be the calm one, the happy one. He was soothing and helpful. Taking a page out of her book, he put himself in her path repeatedly. Sometimes he was humorous, sometimes he was simply ridiculous, but he was always there. James and Lily may have already been married and living together, but he was certain he was courting her with more purpose than he did when her last name was still Evans.

There were flowers and funny cards, balloon bouquets sent to work (because he couldn't persuade her to leave the blasted publishing company), romantic dinners, and stolen kisses.

He told her he loved her at least once a day, but it was never reciprocated.

But he could wait forever if that was what she needed. It was his turn to be her light in the darkness, and he wouldn't let her down.

*~*~*

"When are you going to put that poor man out of his misery?" Henrietta grumbled, to herself as much as to Lily after the florist dropped off yet another arrangement from James.

Lily and Henry had ironed out most of their differences, with Lily chalking up much of the early animosity to Henry's insecurity as a Squib working with a Head Girl and to raging hormones. James had never mentioned that the gestational period for a magical baby must be 17 months, because it appeared Henry was going to be pregnant for the rest of eternity, although Henry did say she thought her achy back was a sign the day could finally be near.

"It's complicated," Lily replied, shuffling lazily through a stack of manuscripts. Most of them were really truly abysmal.

"I don't see how it could be that complicated, Lily. If my Walter paid half as much attention to me as James does to you, I would be drooling on his shoes night and day. Then again, if my Walter looked like your James, I wouldn't be at work because you couldn't pry my pregnant body away from his."

Lily made a noncommittal noise. She and Henry had gone over this multiple times already. The painful boredom of the office and Lily's newfound lack of female friends had made her divulge more than she wished to her coworker. It was just as well. Even if Millie would have surfaced at some point, she was singularly unhelpful on the subject of James Potter.

"I mean, Lily," Henry continued. "The man is more than in love with you. He is going to so much work for you. You love him too, I know you do. If you didn't, you would have found a way to do what you want without him. And I'm not even getting into the subject of Celeste with you today."

"I'm quite aware of what you think on the subject."

"If you're not going to give James a real chance, why don't you just let him go? Penelope would love to have him back. Any witch would. Why keep stringing him along?"

Why indeed? Oh yes, because of that red haze that slipped across Lily's vision every time she even thought of James with someone else.

"Oh, here, Lily, listen to this one. The title is 'The Rogue's Embrace,'" Henry giggled, and waved one of the prospective manuscripts around. "'Anthony's eyes roved over Mariella's body, making her feel as if she were already undressed. He ground his throbbing lower body into hers, making her feel things she had never imagined. Mariella whispered _Is that your wand?_' Seriously! Who writes this stuff?"

Undoubtedly this one wouldn't be progressing further in the publication process.

"Housewives who haven't had sex since 1955," Lily laughed. "Why don't they ever make it more realistic? Like looking into his eyes and feeling like you can't think? Or shivering when he breathes on your neck because you know that the kiss that follows will make your whole body burn? Or that second right after it's over, when you two look at each other, and you just know that's exactly how it's supposed to be? Why don't they _ever_ write about that?"

A little concerned by the lack of answer from Henry, Lily looked over to see her friend fanning herself.

"Don't laugh. I've been pregnant forever. I've forgotten that kind of excitement. Hell, I don't think I've ever had that kind of excitement."

"Sure you have," Lily laughed. "I think you're huge belly is proof of it."

"Wicked men like James are always the best lovers. That and the guys who are with girls way out of their league and have to find a way to keep them around."

Lily pointedly put a manuscript in front of her face, swiveling her chair away from Henrietta. "You, my pregnant friend, need to get back to work."

It was quiet in the office for the rest of the day, with only one hopeful author coming in to drop off a book draft, Lily was able to sink into other people's worlds as she delved into the sample chapters, startled back into the real world by Henry's squeal.

"Something good over there?" Lily called, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I might have waited too long to go to the hospital," Henry squeaked in a strangely high-pitched voice.

"What are you talking about? How do you just wait too long? That's silly. These things take hours. Even if you go right now, you'll still be there forever," Lily scoffed. She was married to a healer. She knew how things worked. Sort of.

"I think maybe I've been in labor for longer than I thought."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, Henry. You _know_ when you're in labor. I mean-."

"Would you please stop arguing with me and just do something!"

Lily got up to look at Henry around the stack of papers for the first time, and blanched at what she saw. "Oh my God. You're going to have a baby."

Henry was sweating profusely and gritting her teeth.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I thought they were fake ones. I've been having them lately."

"Oh. Er, has you know, uh, your, uh water-?"

"Yes! I'm not kidding you, Lily! This isn't an office joke."

"Right. Ok. Well, I'll just take you the hospital. Is that ok? A magical one? And call Walter. Ok."

Lily muddled through the apparation process, getting Henry to the hospital as soon as she could. Was it even safe to apparate with pregnant Squibs? At the check-in area, she passed Henry off to someone who knew what to do with pregnant women, contacted Henry's wizard husband, and went up to the maternity area to wait.

There wasn't a lot to do there, so she went to peer at the new babies behind the glass. And that's where James found her, with her forehead pressed against the clear wall, with her hand raised as if she could reach through and touch one.

"Lily? Are you ok?"

"Oh! James. Don't worry. Henry's here, and I just thought I'd wait for awhile. I don't know why. They don't really need me. Her husband's here. I just thought...I don't know. But don't worry, I haven't had some sort of break down that makes me long for other people's babies," she said wryly before turning back to the little witches and wizards. "But they are beautiful, aren't they?"

James put his forehead on the glass next to hers. "Very."

"Why do you think people love babies so much? Even people who say they don't like children secretly love babies. I know they do."

"Little people the world hasn't had a chance to hurt? Who haven't lied or done hateful things. Who haven't been disappointed yet? We were like that once, too. Beautiful and unbroken."

Lily turned her forehead from the glass, resting her cheek against it instead so she could look at him

"Are we broken?" she asked.

James wasn't sure what to do with her. He never was, but this time he settled on drawing her into his arms and tucking her head under his chin.

"Not irreparably. It just takes awhile for the glue to set."

She sniffled and they both stood there, looking at the babies and remembering the one they almost had together, years ago. James' coworkers and the new parents with babies behind the glass all glanced at them curiously, but nobody interrupted them, and when they began speaking again, the others moved away to give privacy.

"I was so scared when we found out I was pregnant," Lily murmured.

"Me too. I didn't want things to change between us," James whispered, stroking her hair. "I was afraid you wouldn't have enough love for me too."

"That's ridiculous," Lily sighed, then tugged on front of James' healer robes. "Can you take the rest of the day off? Can we go somewhere? Henry and Walter don't really need me here."

James had her halfway out the door before she even knew what was happening.

"Did you have anything in mind?"

She did.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening taking a double-decker bus tour of the city, bundled under the blanket James transfigured from his hospital robes. Even after the circuit was over, they stayed on, seeing the lights of Muggle London, something Lily hadn't done since she was a little girl with her sister.

"The night before I went to Hogwarts for the first time, we spent the night in London. The day before, we walked forever," Lily remembered. "Our hotel was near King's Cross, but we walked to Trafalgar Square to go to the Gallery, and then we walked down to the river. My dad complained most of the time because he was hungry and Mum wouldn't stop for lunch. I had never been the V and A, but we got off at the wrong stop and had to walk forever again. And then we couldn't find the right one when it was time to come back, and we almost didn't make it back to the West End in time to watch the show."

"What did you watch?" James asked, pulling her into his shoulder. She relaxed against him, smiling as she remembered her family.

"My Fair Lady. When you're eleven, it's pretty wonderful. I couldn't find the platform the next morning, and my parents were watching me so close. We were all afraid I'd run into it and bounce right off, and the whole thing would end up being a terrible joke. My sixth year was the first year we didn't come to the city the day before I left. It was always our last day together. Wonderful and sad at the same time."

"The best things usually are," James sighed, and they both knew that he was talking about this moment as well.

The evening that felt like a dream to both of them died a swift death just a few hours later as they apparated into their flat. Lily was laughing as she hung her coat in the closet and James walked to the window to let in a patiently waiting owl. He was still chuckling a little himself as he opened the envelope.

_Mr. and Mrs. Potter,_

_I regret to inform you that Celestina Black, the child you requested for adoption, has been placed with a family with similar requirements higher on the list. The Warbecks have agreed to allow contact between Celestina and Mrs. Potter upon request. _

_Sincerely,_

_The Department for Placement of Magical Children. _

James sank into the nearest chair with a sigh. For a wild moment he considered destroying the letter before Lily could read it. It would be so easy. He could lie and say it had come to the wrong house, that it was just a mistake.

Because as soon as she read it, she would have no need for him anymore. He just needed more time to convince her, to make her so attached to him that she couldn't live without him

"James, what is it?" Lily asked, approaching. He momentarily basked in the feeling of her hand unconsciously playing with his hair as she read the letter over his shoulder. "Oh. _Oh_."

Before he had a chance to decide what to do or what to say, her hand grazed down his shoulder, and she was gone. The door to her bedroom was shut firmly behind her.

He had lost his chance. James sat in the chair, staring as blankly ahead as he had years ago when he lost her the first time. She felt just as far away in the bedroom with the closed door as when he didn't know where she was, if she was even alive.

Just like then, he wasn't enough to find her. A man like him didn't deserve a woman like her. He wasn't meant to be that happy.

It was over.

* * *

**Note**: Almost done! Only one more chapter left.

And to those who speculated, yes, it was Twilight that brought me back to fanfiction, at least for awhile. One of my roommates and I are desperately in love with Edward Cullen, and this seemed like a natural way for me to extend my obsession. So, if you're interested in Twilight, you might glance at some of the stuff I'm going to work on with that.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

James sat in the chair in the living room for hours. Sometimes he thought, sometimes he didn't. Sometimes he stared out the window, sometimes at the ceiling. For a while he just rested his head against the back of the chair with his eyes closed, not sleeping, but trying not to remember.

He just sat there.

Sometimes he couldn't just stop remembering, so he let it come when it did.

They were just children, because that's what teenagers are to twenty-somethings. Children who thought they had fallen in love, but hadn't really. Who hadn't had that first body-burning kiss. Who hadn't spent the night in their lover's arms, wondering if it was wrong but not caring. Who hadn't learned yet that they only had one life to do all the things they wanted. Who hadn't felt true heartbreak or hopelessness no parent could mend.

But when they were just children, his biggest concern in the world was finding his father, of correcting the perceived injustices against him. Hers was helping him. When they were just children, they had fallen in love, the all-consuming obsession of first love. When they had broken up after her parents' death, it had been the engulfing pain of the end of first love. The kind that creates an ache in the torso and installs a pain in the chest that makes you ignore a hungry stomach or a sleepy mind.

Lily Evans had made James Potter a man. He had thought he was a grown-up before, but she was the one that gave him all those things that makes one grow up, who made him want to grow up. It wasn't his uncaring parents or his time as a Quidditch player or even his life and death work at the hospital.

Maybe he hadn't made her a grown-up. Maybe that only happened when she was captured and out of her happy world for the first time, or maybe the earlier death of her parents had done that.

He knew, though, that this grown-up James Potter loved grown-up Lily so much more than child-James loved child-Lily. That love hadn't know real loss or real trial. This one had. The child-love was a precursor to this one, almost like a building block or practice. That love and dependence had been altered by the belief of her death, the hopelessness of decades looming ahead of him void of Lily. It became this one.

This love for her wasn't just in his heart. He wasn't just looking for someone to fill a void in his life. She had become part of him, and now she threatened to take it away. He didn't have all the pieces to live without her anymore.

He knew now this half of him that Lily comprised couldn't be replaced by an imitator, some other witch that acted as a prosthesis. Lily left too many things missing for only one other woman to replace.

As James stood, he anticipated a life without Lily. He had done it once, and he knew he wouldn't attempt it again. He would become more active in the Order. He wouldn't last as long that way. It would only be a few years without her instead of a century or more.

At least this time he would know she was alive. That would make it more bearable, knowing that she was out there somewhere, still breathing, still laughing. Just not with him.

James wandered to his room and pulled out his traveling bag, opening it on his bed. He began folding his trousers in, lining up the seams for a proper crease. Across the hallway, Lily finally opened the door a few inches, and then wider when she saw what he was doing. She was still wearing the same clothes as before, but her face was red from crying.

"James, are you leaving?" she asked. He couldn't read her tone, and for a second he was irritated. Was he really playing into her hands, making it even easier for her to kick him out.

"No," he said suddenly. He began summoning her things from her room across the hall. She was brushed to the side by the first onslaught of her belongings, clothes. They came to rest hanging next to his in the closet, and only proved to make his feelings of rage and fear grow. He couldn't live without this. More came, folding themselves into the dresser. He could barely think. He just kept going. Shoes were next, pairing up next to his, followed by her pillow which landed on the side of the bed she had always preferred. Her toiletries followed, lining up the dresser, her perfume bottle next to his wallet and watch.

Her wand was last, and he placed on the nightstand on her side of the bed and then tossed his on his side.

Things were just as they had always been.

Lily cautiously walked into the room now that she was sure she wouldn't be attacked by her personal items soaring around, but James stayed where he was, just looking at her. Waiting.

"Please, let's just give it a real chance," James finally asked after he couldn't stand her watchful eyes and the growing silence anymore.

"No," she said, and James looked at the ground. He couldn't watch her gather her things and leave him again.

"I'm tired of chances and practicing and pretending," Lily continued, stepping toward him. He kept his face down until she put her hand on his face. "I'm ready for us to be Lily and James again. This time I won't be afraid, because I know who I'll always be. James, I'll always be the woman who loves you."

When hazel eyes met green for the first time in a long time, neither one could think. The past and future were equally distant, foggy concepts that had no bearing on that moment.

When James breathed on her neck, she shivered because she knew that the kiss that would follow would make her whole body burn.

And later, when they were lying in bed, the second that Lily thought should be in romance novels, because it was the one when you know that's exactly how it's supposed to be, lasted much longer than a second. It became a feeling that stayed with both, lingering, moving into their skin until it became a part of them, just like they were a part of each other. It wasn't a feeling of only physical satisfaction. It was the feeling of holding the only person in the world that you couldn't live without, who made you whole. It was knowing that no matter what else happened, no matter who came into or left your life, you would _always_ have this. They would always love you and support you, doing everything they could to protect you. You could tell them anything, do anything. It wouldn't be embarrassing, shameful, or awkward.

Your heart would be safe with theirs, just as theirs was with yours.

They hadn't felt like this for three years, and both of them knew they would never do without it again. Their separation was over and they would never live without each other again. It would always be Lily and James, and no dark lord would ever take that away from them again. Ever.

**The End**

**

* * *

**

**Who knew I would actually finish this thing? Not me. I'm a little stoked. Thanks to the readers for finishing if you started this years ago. So anyway, I'm done, now about the Twilight thing...**


End file.
